An alcoholic, liar and a jobless person. How to heal after breakup?

[healingloner]

Hello ppl, I am a guy of 24 years. I am a musician but currently I am jobless. I was in a relationship with a girl for 8 months. When we met a year back I had lied to her about my financial situation and future since I was basically clueless what I will do, and really didnt consider that a big deal because most conversations were on phone and i was drunk dialling. Yes, I feel very shallow for doing that. But actually I was feeling very lonely. But as fate might put it we fell in love and started seeing each other. It was good for the first 6-7months because I had money from my Aunt who had left her property for me. But she died two months ago and the money supply would get cut. And from thats when I started to be insecure about my future. My girl on the other hand is from a rich family and had big ambitions, and started to become hard to maintain. On the other hand communication was getting less as we met really scarcely and sex also stopped. One fine day out of frustration I got drunk and abused her on the phone and ended the relationship. I have had alcohol problems as after being in the relationship I started drinking more due to my insecurity. It was my birthday after somedays and the girl wished me. And we started talking on email. But then again i couldnt maintain my balance and lost it again. Now she is leaving town for a holiday abroad and I also plan to do the same somewhere else. My money supply will end in November. I am jobless, broken hearted, liar and a healing alcoholic. But I know the person I was with was a good person and the only reason I broke up was my financial insecurity and the lack of sex from her. I know what I have done is bad. But I have to move on somehow. Me and my ex have decided NC for a while. The thing is that she doesnt have any idea about my financial situation and thinks that my alcohol and anger is the problem. She misses me too and I do too but It is simply not possible to get back now. I have dreams to make it big as a musician and have some contacts too, but the job will not be stable. Plus I will not be able to get married to someone with that kind of salary and the kind of expenses my ex requires. Though I have done everything contrary, I do love her. And she does too. She had trusted me and I know I have broken her heart. I am looking into Buddhism as a release. What else should I do?

[aisuru]

Why do you drink? Is it a behavior you use to hide from an emotion or feeling? If so, consider finding an alternate behavior instead.

 

If you don't get a grip on hiding in drinking, you will continue to ruin good things and relationships in your life.

 

Figure out who you are and who you want to be. Focus on getting yourself there. The better you become, the better relationships you'll have.

 

Right now you need to be the priority. Figure your life out.

 

It will be worth it.

[healingloner]

Why do you drink? Is it a behavior you use to hide from an emotion or feeling? If so, consider finding an alternate behavior instead.

 

If you don't get a grip on hiding in drinking, you will continue to ruin good things and relationships in your life.

 

Figure out who you are and who you want to be. Focus on getting yourself there. The better you become, the better relationships you'll have.

 

Right now you need to be the priority. Figure your life out.

 

It will be worth it.

 

I used to drink because I could not cope up with certain realities of life. Yes, my drinking has ruined a lot. I become a different person and also I have lost a lot of focus and time. Just trying to figure my self now. Want to lead a decent and honest life. Thanks.

[amaysngrace]

You should get a real job and do gigs on the weekends.

 

I have a lot of musicians in my family and my BF is a musician too but none of them would ever think of giving up their day job and their security to pursue their dreams.

 

But if you want to pursue a career in music, you need to start somewhere.

 

My daughter just went to a free concert this weekend in Philly. It was on top of an art store. She got the ticket for free and got to meet the band. Because she wanted them to sign their new album, she bought one there even though she had just bought it on iTunes. She also bought a tee shirt.

 

They gave out free drinks to everyone, not cheap ones either. Red Bull and vita cocos.

 

That's how this band is hoping to make it big. What are you doing?

[healingloner]

You should get a real job and do gigs on the weekends.

 

I have a lot of musicians in my family and my BF is a musician too but none of them would ever think of giving up their day job and their security to pursue their dreams.

 

But if you want to pursue a career in music, you need to start somewhere.

 

My daughter just went to a free concert this weekend in Philly. It was on top of an art store. She got the ticket for free and got to meet the band. Because she wanted them to sign their new album, she bought one there even though she had just bought it on iTunes. She also bought a tee shirt.

 

They gave out free drinks to everyone, not cheap ones either. Red Bull and vita cocos.

 

That's how this band is hoping to make it big. What are you doing?

 

Yes, that is what I have been thinking. To get a real job from where the money comes. I am a graduate, but I have to go for the job hunt. Have an average education. But it will be tough. Right now I feel aimless as I never thought I have to break up with someone for my financial condition. And the worst part is I cant even tell her that then she will hate me more for lying. Well I think its all bad karma thats coming back and I deserve it completely. Just trying to pick up the pieces and concentrate on how to make money and my music parallely. And not to mention, remain sane. I feel so guilty and stupid. But thats the hard truth of my life for now. I totally deserve it.

[amaysngrace]

I feel so guilty and stupid. But thats the hard truth of my life for now. I totally deserve it.

 

Ahh young squire, it is far better to make a new mistake than to repeat an old one.

 

Live and learn.

 

And try not to beat yourself up. Everyone makes mistakes.