zevahc Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 So we started NC 5 days ago...and I think there may have been a dday...the MOW sent me a weird message 2 nights ago saying the BS saw some texts...but not exactly what he saw...then said "Stop all messages"...hope this doesn't blow up.
Praying4Peace Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Just don't contact her. I know you must be worried now. For some reason, we always had D-days and major Trickle Truths (bad enough to be another Dday) when we went NC. I think he did it to start things up with me again...or as he said, not talking to me made him want to confess things to her. Whatever it is, let them work it out. You don't need angry H near you, especially with your little girl in the house. Hope you're doing okay. This really messes with mental NC, no? 1
Author zevahc Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 Just don't contact her. I know you must be worried now. For some reason, we always had D-days and major Trickle Truths (bad enough to be another Dday) when we went NC. I think he did it to start things up with me again...or as he said, not talking to me made him want to confess things to her. Whatever it is, let them work it out. You don't need angry H near you, especially with your little girl in the house. Hope you're doing okay. This really messes with mental NC, no? I'm doing okay. It's making me wonder but believe me I don't want to contact her right now if they are working through something Or...if she is trying to keep it from blowing up. Hope maybe she is just playing it safe and nothing happened. I'll consider a post if she tells me tomorrow
spice4life Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I'm sorry to hear that zevahc. I hope everything turns out okay for all of you. Stay safe! 1
ComingInHot Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 your best safest place to be is as far away from her as possible. Stay the pth. NC.*
Author zevahc Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 your best safest place to be is as far away from her as possible. Stay the pth. NC.* I haven't said a word to her since she sent it. I'm sure she has good reason too!
anne1707 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 It could just be an attempt on her part to get you to break NC.
Author zevahc Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 It could just be an attempt on her part to get you to break NC. Yeah, I really don't think so based on the message....the crux of it was that some messages had been seen and she was trying to relay a complete shut down of anything coming in her way...what I suspect is that he is monitoring and or going to monitor anything coming her way.....i really don't know...I haven't responded...i suspect I'll find out eventually....honestly I was thinking she might say something tomorrow at work...to elaborate. But then again she may say nothing and may be doing all she can to minimize anything else happening....of course...all this could be in my head...perhaps she got freaked and nothing too bad has happened yet...that's the hope.
anne1707 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 But she's got you thinking about her and wondering what is going on, hasn't she. 1
Author zevahc Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 But she's got you thinking about her and wondering what is going on, hasn't she. Yeah, but she's pushed me toward the other end of breaking NC...she knows me well enough that if she were trying to play that card...this isn't how she would do it...i suspect it's something where either a Dday was going to happen..or did happen. Otherwise, she honestly would just call or text...not use the method she did (social networking).
anne1707 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Fair enough. I was just throwing it out there as a possibility. 1
Author zevahc Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 Fair enough. I was just throwing it out there as a possibility. I wasn't trying to be a jerk...i get your point. Honestly, the only thing this has...is me SPOOKED....yes, i'm wondering what's going on...but not the the point of needing to find out by contacting her...i'll wait for her to let me know if she sees fit...if not, then i may never know....which might be better than the alternative.
anne1707 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I wasn't trying to be a jerk...i get your point. Stop stressing - I never thought for a second you were being a jerk. All's good. 1
Owl Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 As already stated...your best bet here is to use this to further remove yourself from the entire situation. Perhaps not only passively remaining NC, but blocking her future emails/pms/texts? That should help her 'get the message' as well, no?
Author zevahc Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 So still not sure there wasn't a dday, but she told me today that she somewhat panicked..., he acted strange all day saturday, but she finally told him point blank that if they need to talk about something...then he should talk. Otherwise, quit the act. She gave him the opportunity to confton the situation...but I guess he chose not to...i think that's one of the major issues. I only had about a 5 minute conversation with her today and she assured me that it was a bit of an overreaction...and proceeded to say that if it does fall apart..she is to blame...not me. And she isn't referring to getting caught...she's referring to being unfaithful. She indicated she would make sure that the BS knows it was her choices...yes, it takes 2, but she isn't about to point blame.
Owl Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Umm...two thoughts. First...what does it matter if he blames you or not? If he's angry with you, or not? Second...ummm...you are as much to blame as she is. Yep, she chose to sleep with you. But...you...a grown man...chose to 'be' with her, in full knowledge and awareness of her marital status. You share responsibility and culpability with her. And if he's ticked off and confronts you...you'll have to deal with that, just like any other adult who's responsible for their own actions would have to. There's nothing she can say or do to alleviate you of any of this. Nor is she likely going to be able to convince her husband to change his view on you as a result of all of this...odds are, he'll just see it as her trying to 'protect' you over anything else. It won't mean anything in his eyes.
Author zevahc Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 Umm...two thoughts. First...what does it matter if he blames you or not? If he's angry with you, or not? Second...ummm...you are as much to blame as she is. Yep, she chose to sleep with you. But...you...a grown man...chose to 'be' with her, in full knowledge and awareness of her marital status. You share responsibility and culpability with her. And if he's ticked off and confronts you...you'll have to deal with that, just like any other adult who's responsible for their own actions would have to. There's nothing she can say or do to alleviate you of any of this. Nor is she likely going to be able to convince her husband to change his view on you as a result of all of this...odds are, he'll just see it as her trying to 'protect' you over anything else. It won't mean anything in his eyes. Owl, I'm not sitting here trying to say I'm blameless...believe me. I've been both the OM and a BS long ago. I'm saying that I'm glad that she is taking responsibility herself as well...that's all I meant. I guess my point is i'm glad this isn't about finger pointing. I agree i'm responsbile for my own actions and the consequences that follow. It doesn't matter what I think... if he blames me or not...believe me...i've been on both sides of the fence and he's entitled to all the emotions and feelings that he will have... My actions/her actions were inappropriate....plain and simple. But this possible Dday was something I was trying to avoid which is why we shut things down recently....i said this is not an option...i am pursuing IC and trying to do everything I can to turn my life back in a better direction.
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