Gaining some strength. Hopefully someone will benefit from this.

[CorridorE]

A few things have crossed my mind lately that have really picked me up. If you don’t know me, my background is I'm 4 months post-BU, and I was in a serious relationship for three years with a guy who ended up cheating on me and left me for someone else when not two month before we had been discussing marriage. Maybe this post will help someone out with the process of moving on.

 

Social Media Realization

 

My best friend is still friends with my ex on facebook, and apparently him and his new girl post almost daily statuses about how much they love each other. When my friend sees a particularly over-the-top status like ‘Love you baby, I’m so lucky I’ve found my soul mate’ it pisses her off to the extent that she has to run and tell someone; and unfortunately that person ends up being me. She says she’s only still friends with him because when their relationship fails, she wants to be the first to know so she can celebrate. I do understand that because cause if it were me, I’d be waiting for the day when the guy who broke my friend’s heart felt the pain and would derive some pleasure from it as well... but she doesn’t seem to understand that that’s the reason why I unfriended him in the first place - because I don’t want to know the things she tells me.

 

Well anyway, it had been bothering me since I’m not quite over him and when we were together we never updated facebook about each other. In the three years we were together, I think I posted a loving status about him fewer than ten times. As I still have a fear of being compared and forgotten, hearing about these updates used to send my mind racing, thinking things like "what if he appreciates that she writes about him all the time and wishes I had done that more, thinking ‘wow, my ex never did this for me… this girl really cares about me. I made the right choice.'" And "what if he never wrote anything about me because he never loved me the way he loves this new girl?"

 

And then I realized how RIDICULOUS that all is. We never posted about each other because we actually were happy, and we were too busy being happy to feel the need to go around announcing it. Truly happy people don’t need to tell everyone about it to make it real. For some, love only exists unless you acknowledge it in front of others. Well, when we were together we had nothing to prove to anyone. He’s caught up in how ‘sweet’ she is now, but it’s all just fluff, all just looking for attention and trying to show the world how happy they are to prove it to themselves.

 

So I guess I’m just saying that you never really know, but social media is not always real. If you stumble across some information you don't like, remember that it might be the truth, but it might not even be close. You're ex could be as unhappy as f*ck right now and is trying to push back those feelings by trying to prove to the world he/she's not. So take some pleasure in the possibility... just don't let it become false hope. Hold your head high and never let social media get you down.

 

You Aren't the One Who Has Lost

 

Now this is for all the people who have been left forsomeone else or were cheated on. It’s easy for someone on the outside lookingin to say: ‘how could you still love someone who left you and betrayed your trust that way’ and say that now you’re being self abusive by still pinning over them. Well, it’s not that simple… you probably fell in love with the person you thought they were, and when that happens love becomes blind and you don’t care about the deceit and the lies. You just want them back, faults and all, because to you they're still worth it.

 

Well no one’s perfect, and we’ve all made mistakes in relationships, but just know that if they cheated and left you, you are NOT at any fault. It’s easy to blame yourself and think there must have been something you did, but when a person cheats, they make a choice. If you were faithful to them and didn’t hide anything, you didn’t ‘drive them into it’ with a mistake you made. No. They could have come to you and discussed their feelings and the issues of the relationship like a mature adult, but they chose to lie instead and that isn't your fault.

 

But still, we sit here and think of all the things we miss about them. But for a lot of people on LS, YOU were the faithful one. YOU supported them and YOU tried to treat them like a king or queen. And they will never have that again. When you think about it, they are the unlucky ones in this situation, NOT you. You are better off without them. THEY lost YOU.

 

Pretend, just for a moment, that you have moved on.

THEY are the ones will never get to hold YOU again.

THEY will never have YOUR support and love again.

THEY will never have YOUR trust again.

THEY will never have someone who would love them through anything like you would have.

 

They are the ones who are really missing out. And whether or not they are just a straight up jerk, they will always have that little bit of knowledge in the back of their mind knowing how they cheated on and left someone who loved them.

 

You, on the other hand, now have the grand opportunity of finding someone who appreciates you and who you have a completely blank slate with. Starting over from scratch seems scary sometimes - getting to know someone new and having to grow to be comfortable with them - but this time you can learn from your mistakes. And think about it… this time, unlike getting back with your ex, you’re starting with no lies and no betrayal. The next guy/girl you meet might not be ‘the one’ but atleast now you have the opportunity to reach out and find the person who eventually will be and who will treasure you like you deserve.

 

My ex might be happy right now, but I’m sure it won’t last. In a few years I’ll be out of college... And he’ll be out of the military, looking a job or going back to school, probably single, receiving no support from his family as always... And he’ll remember back to me and think ‘damn, by now I could have been married, maybe with a child on the way, with someone who loves me and I'd be receiving all the support I need in my search for a new career.’

 

But no. He’ll be alone and I’ll be long gone. We lost someone who didn’t appreciate our love and gained the opportunity to find someone who does. You don't have to show your ex you're moving on, and you don't need them to know you can be happy without them. All you have to do is start believing that it is possible, and whether or not they realize it right now, we are not at the loss. THEY ARE.

[markhe]

Thank you for your words of wisdom. My ex gf began talking to someone for the last month we lived together. I was blindsided she never told me she was speaking to him for hours. Hardest thing I ever had to do was move out and leave her! After four years of committment and trust talking about marriage just feel comletely rejected. I know how much I loved her and everything I did for her. Exactly she'll never have my love and support again! I deserve better! Never thought she would do this to me put all my trust in her! I've been no contact for over a week. Still very heartbroken.

[CorridorE]

Thank you for your words of wisdom. My ex gf began talking to someone for the last month we lived together. I was blindsided she never told me she was speaking to him for hours. Hardest thing I ever had to do was move out and leave her! After four years of committment and trust talking about marriage just feel comletely rejected. I know how much I loved her and everything I did for her. Exactly she'll never have my love and support again! I deserve better! Never thought she would do this to me put all my trust in her! I've been no contact for over a week. Still very heartbroken.

 

Yes, I know how it feels to have trusted someone so fully. I never doubted my ex for a single moment when we were together and thought we were so very lucky to have trust so strong... until he told me he was leaving. It's going to get worse before it gets better and not seeing and talking to her will hurt horribly for a while, but stay with no contact. As of now I'm 2 months NC, and I'm finally starting to feel like myself again. Hang in there - it will get better.

[markhe]

Yes, I know how it feels to have trusted someone so fully. I never doubted my ex for a single moment when we were together and thought we were so very lucky to have trust so strong... until he told me he was leaving. It's going to get worse before it gets better and not seeing and talking to her will hurt horribly for a while, but stay with no contact. As of now I'm 2 months NC, and I'm finally starting to feel like myself again. Hang in there - it will get better.

 

I may have to geta hold of her soon over some financial stuff we were so intertwined. Maybe we'll see. Hopefully strictly text or email. I miss my old independent self four years ago before I met here. I was just enjoying lifenot looking for anything serious. I gave up everything to be with her. I'm literally staying with friend starting all over again! It's very tough! She told me she had feelings for this guy hurt really bad! She has to look in mirror everyday andcome to terms on emotionally cheating on me! I just have to live with the hurt andrejection and my life wihout her.

 

She said if our relationship is meant to be then we'd be together again. She tried contacting me few times last week and I ignored attempts.Just trying to put my life back together but can't get her out of my mind!

[siankat]

A few things have crossed my mind lately that have really picked me up. If you don’t know me, my background is I'm 4 months post-BU, and I was in a serious relationship for three years with a guy who ended up cheating on me and left me for someone else when not two month before we had been discussing marriage. Maybe this post will help someone out with the process of moving on.

 

Social Media Realization

 

My best friend is still friends with my ex on facebook, and apparently him and his new girl post almost daily statuses about how much they love each other. When my friend sees a particularly over-the-top status like ‘Love you baby, I’m so lucky I’ve found my soul mate’ it pisses her off to the extent that she has to run and tell someone; and unfortunately that person ends up being me. She says she’s only still friends with him because when their relationship fails, she wants to be the first to know so she can celebrate. I do understand that because cause if it were me, I’d be waiting for the day when the guy who broke my friend’s heart felt the pain and would derive some pleasure from it as well... but she doesn’t seem to understand that that’s the reason why I unfriended him in the first place - because I don’t want to know the things she tells me.

 

Well anyway, it had been bothering me since I’m not quite over him and when we were together we never updated facebook about each other. In the three years we were together, I think I posted a loving status about him fewer than ten times. As I still have a fear of being compared and forgotten, hearing about these updates used to send my mind racing, thinking things like "what if he appreciates that she writes about him all the time and wishes I had done that more, thinking ‘wow, my ex never did this for me… this girl really cares about me. I made the right choice.'" And "what if he never wrote anything about me because he never loved me the way he loves this new girl?"

 

And then I realized how RIDICULOUS that all is. We never posted about each other because we actually were happy, and we were too busy being happy to feel the need to go around announcing it. Truly happy people don’t need to tell everyone about it to make it real. For some, love only exists unless you acknowledge it in front of others. Well, when we were together we had nothing to prove to anyone. He’s caught up in how ‘sweet’ she is now, but it’s all just fluff, all just looking for attention and trying to show the world how happy they are to prove it to themselves.

 

So I guess I’m just saying that you never really know, but social media is not always real. If you stumble across some information you don't like, remember that it might be the truth, but it might not even be close. You're ex could be as unhappy as f*ck right now and is trying to push back those feelings by trying to prove to the world he/she's not. So take some pleasure in the possibility... just don't let it become false hope. Hold your head high and never let social media get you down.

 

You Aren't the One Who Has Lost

 

Now this is for all the people who have been left forsomeone else or were cheated on. It’s easy for someone on the outside lookingin to say: ‘how could you still love someone who left you and betrayed your trust that way’ and say that now you’re being self abusive by still pinning over them. Well, it’s not that simple… you probably fell in love with the person you thought they were, and when that happens love becomes blind and you don’t care about the deceit and the lies. You just want them back, faults and all, because to you they're still worth it.

 

Well no one’s perfect, and we’ve all made mistakes in relationships, but just know that if they cheated and left you, you are NOT at any fault. It’s easy to blame yourself and think there must have been something you did, but when a person cheats, they make a choice. If you were faithful to them and didn’t hide anything, you didn’t ‘drive them into it’ with a mistake you made. No. They could have come to you and discussed their feelings and the issues of the relationship like a mature adult, but they chose to lie instead and that isn't your fault.

 

But still, we sit here and think of all the things we miss about them. But for a lot of people on LS, YOU were the faithful one. YOU supported them and YOU tried to treat them like a king or queen. And they will never have that again. When you think about it, they are the unlucky ones in this situation, NOT you. You are better off without them. THEY lost YOU.

 

Pretend, just for a moment, that you have moved on.

THEY are the ones will never get to hold YOU again.

THEY will never have YOUR support and love again.

THEY will never have YOUR trust again.

THEY will never have someone who would love them through anything like you would have.

 

They are the ones who are really missing out. And whether or not they are just a straight up jerk, they will always have that little bit of knowledge in the back of their mind knowing how they cheated on and left someone who loved them.

 

You, on the other hand, now have the grand opportunity of finding someone who appreciates you and who you have a completely blank slate with. Starting over from scratch seems scary sometimes - getting to know someone new and having to grow to be comfortable with them - but this time you can learn from your mistakes. And think about it… this time, unlike getting back with your ex, you’re starting with no lies and no betrayal. The next guy/girl you meet might not be ‘the one’ but atleast now you have the opportunity to reach out and find the person who eventually will be and who will treasure you like you deserve.

 

My ex might be happy right now, but I’m sure it won’t last. In a few years I’ll be out of college... And he’ll be out of the military, looking a job or going back to school, probably single, receiving no support from his family as always... And he’ll remember back to me and think ‘damn, by now I could have been married, maybe with a child on the way, with someone who loves me and I'd be receiving all the support I need in my search for a new career.’

 

But no. He’ll be alone and I’ll be long gone. We lost someone who didn’t appreciate our love and gained the opportunity to find someone who does. You don't have to show your ex you're moving on, and you don't need them to know you can be happy without them. All you have to do is start believing that it is possible, and whether or not they realize it right now, we are not at the loss. THEY ARE.

 

Really well said CorridorE, i feel the same.

[LoveB86]

Hi CorridorE,

 

I am still reading your message, but first off, I want to say that my closest friend from work was the one that told me my ex was cheating because she works with his now-girlfriend. So, this girlfriend loves to tell my friend what all they do with each other... I had to tell my friend that I would no longer talk to her if she tells me anything about their relationship. Ideally, a true friend should care enough to not inform their friend about any news after the BU.

 

Second- Why my ex's girlfriend have to announce everything about their relationship is beyond me! Back to your story, I think it is childish and unnecessary to have to announce how much you love someone on a social media website like facebook or twitter. That to me is ridiculous and stupid. My ex's new girlfriend loves telling my friend about their sex life, how he pays for everything and whatever else. I think this girl is playing games and tells my friend this stuff so that way my friend can tell me. Like if this girl is trying to make me jealous??? Newsflash, this stupid new girlfriend of his thinks announcing it is some big thing! I wish my friend would say "NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU TWO!!"

 

Childish childish childish... and sad! I heard she have to seek attention from others to validate herself. I don't know the girl, but from the looks of it, she is immature... point blank.

[LoveB86]

Back to your story,

 

I also was involved with someone who left me for another girl. He left me for a co worker. It was blindsided as I would of never thought he would do do such a thing. I don't know if he physically cheated (probably so), but emotionally he did 100%. He had been talking to her for quite some time while with me. As I just want to say, thank you for this post. It still is hard for me as I still seem to miss him so much. I miss someone that hurt me so bad and did me so wrong! I will print your post and read this everyday when I wake up.

 

Hopefully I'll get stronger after this! Thank you CorridorE

[OzHeartache]

Thanks for the post CorridorE

 

I guess there is still hope that Ill be happy again................ oneday

[CorridorE]

Hi CorridorE,

Second- Why my ex's girlfriend have to announce everything about their relationship is beyond me! Back to your story, I think it is childish and unnecessary to have to announce how much you love someone on a social media website like facebook or twitter. That to me is ridiculous and stupid. My ex's new girlfriend loves telling my friend about their sex life, how he pays for everything and whatever else. I think this girl is playing games and tells my friend this stuff so that way my friend can tell me. Like if this girl is trying to make me jealous??? Newsflash, this stupid new girlfriend of his thinks announcing it is some big thing! I wish my friend would say "NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU TWO!!"

 

Mhmm exactly. From what I've heard it seems like this new girl honestly cares more about the attention from others and having something to announce to the world than actually about my ex. I could be wrong, but I just know that when I was with him, I never posted about our relationship. If I had a great time on a date, I told him, and if I was feeling loved and happy to have him, I told him I how much I loved him. It didn't matter if anyone else knew because to me it was just about the two of us and I had nothing to prove. I'm not bashing people who like to show PDA for each other if they've been together a long time and are really in love, either. It's just in this case, after only dating 1.5 months this girl just seems like an attention wh*re. Now I think I'm over-analysing this too much, but hey, whatever makes me feel better I guess.

 

And I'm glad I made you feel a bit better - that was my hope for this post.