ladyhawk553594 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 (edited) Hey everybody! So my boyfriend of a little over a year broke up with me a couple days ago. This is our second time breaking up and it's pretty much for the same reasons as before. He feels we're too young (we're both 20) to be in this committed of a relationship and thinks that we both need time to be individuals, independent, and do some growing up without having a dependence on one another. I'm his first girlfriend,he's my first serious boyfriend, and therefore we're each other's first loves. I know I can't describe how wonderful this guy is, but believe me when I say he was being genuine and this isn't an excuse for him to fool around with whoever. He was crying before I even was, said he was scared of how addicted he is to me, and just feels like he needs to do this now instead of years down the road when it might feel like he missed out on some of those formative experiences. Just like the last time we broke up he mentioned the fact that he doesn't know what the future holds for us and that he hopes we can still be a part of each other's lives, while also emphasizing the fact that he doesn't want me to feel like I have to wait for him and that I deserve the absolute best. I was a little shocked from this and told him that I didn't want to say anything until I could gather my thoughts. So I texted him the next day saying that although it hurts, I think I understand where he's coming from and I told him that even though I didn't feel the same way, I was glad he was honest with me and that I hope he'll be able to find that freedom he's been searching for. He was very relieved and grateful once he knew that I wasn't upset with him and that I wanted him to be happy. He is going to be out of town for the majority of the summer and told me that he'd still love to tell me about his vacation to Germany,wants to know how I'm doing in my summer classes, etc. I agreed to this because of course it feels like it'll make things easier. We both emphasized how much we mean to one another and that we don't want to lose each other as best friends. I know that we both need time apart and if my estimation is correct, he won't be contacting me for about 3 weeks if it's just to tell me about Germany. Since the break up he has even liked some of my facebook photos and seems to continue to want to play games over our phones (I have not reciprocated though). It's weird. After finding the thread about "The Grass is Greener Syndrome", I'm beginning to think this is what's going on. I was relieved to see that by taking the high road and letting him go was the right thing to do. Has anyone had experience with these kind of break ups? Should I have agreed to talk to him every once in awhile? Any suggestions would be helpful. Edited May 19, 2013 by ladyhawk553594
Ale khun Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I think he has the syndrome ! But at least he was honest and told you the truth . Now it's your choice to keep in touch with him or not , just be careful if you do because you can get hurt , don't be always available for him because when he ended up the relationship seeking for" freedom" he did it with all the consequences , so you are free to do your life . But let me tell you something there's a big chance that he won't find the " greener grass " and eventually he will miss you but then you will have the decision to take him back or not . Good luck
aisuru Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I personally think a lot of people toss around the whole GIGS thing around when they shouldn't. Sometimes, the person just is no longer into you. Or not as into you as they thought they were. Or never were as into you as you or they thought they were. It's easy to blame a breakup on GIGS instead of honestly looking at the dynamics of the relationship. You are both very young. Too young to be settling into a long term relationship. If you don't believe me, read the multitude of divorce message boards on the internet about people who married in their early 20s and decide to divorce in their 30s and 40s because 1) they knew they shouldn't have married at the time or 2) changed a lot over the years. I might have commitment/relationship issues but by golly am I glad I never married in my 20s. 1
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