ps123 Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 So, after dating someone two months, she again told me she doesnt trust me yet, not because of anything Ive done, but she just doesnt trust men in general and doesnt believe Im really as nice as I seem. Shes also told me in the last week that she has a big issue shes dealing with. Unfortunately, she wont tell me what it is. Shes given me some hints so I know it doesnt involve another man, and as she put it, its just "her crap". Shes also hinted that it relates to something shes done...either recently or in the past, but its come up in the last month. Anyway, Im trying really hard not to push her to tell me, and I think Ive done a good job so far. The only times its come up is when she says something to lead into it. At that point, I do ask, but when she says she doesnt want to talk about it, Im good about dropping it. Anyways, last night it came up again and after hearing about this for the last week, I was getting kind of frustrated. I pretty much just said, Ok, come on now...what is going on? She again said she didnt want to tell me and started to leave. At this point I asked her to stop and just said that I hope she would realize that she could trust me and realize that Im not going to judge her with whatever it is. She said ok, but shes still not going to tell me. She then left and said I'll call you soon, which left me feeling kind of weird about things. I realize that she'll tell me when shes ready, but its kind of hindering us from moving forward. She mentioned that this issue is causing her not to know what exactly is going on in her life, so obviously this is effecting us. Im more concerned with the fact that shes not sharing this with me than with what the issue itself is. I also want her to tell me whats going on so I can be help support her through whatever it is. Another reason its hard is because its difficult to just go along trying to be happy while knowing theres some major issue looming out there. Im a little afraid that I might cause her to not want to see me because she'll be worried that I'll be bugging her about it, but I havent been the one to bring it up in any of our conversations. The only time Ive brought it up is when she says something that leads into it. Any comments? Think Ive done anything wrong thus far? Think shes done anything wrong by continuing to let me know theres something out there and not telling me what it is? Am I being a pushover? Im guessing the answer is to just be patient, but its hard not knowing whats going on.
bluechocolate Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 .....she just doesnt trust men in general and doesnt believe Im really as nice as I seem. Given your other posts I have to say that I think this girl is bad news for you right now. If someone who I had just recently started dating told me that they didn't trust me & didn't believe that I was as nice as I seem would be shown the door pronto. This girl is knocking you down & keeping you dangling. Am I being a pushover? Yes. You're only 2 months into seeing this girl. Normally this is the best time of a relationship. Instead of enjoying the heady intoxication of new love you're full of doubts & anxieties: she doesn't call when she says she will, she's not ready to commit & now she's telling you that she has "big issues" to deal with but won't tell you what they are. You should quit while you're ahead.
Author ps123 Posted September 30, 2004 Author Posted September 30, 2004 I'm starting to realize this as well.
Stellar Posted October 1, 2004 Posted October 1, 2004 It's selfish of her to (a) tell you she has an issue, but not want to discuss it (why bring it up in the first place???) and (b) tell you that this issue affects where her life is going (and you're in her life), but still not want to discuss it. Um, hello....?! There is a person involved here missy - the guy you're seeing! It's unfair to leave you dangling like that. It's not conducive to a healthy relationship, especially in such early stages. I would feel like I'm being emotionally teased (and not in a good way). If she's prepared to tell you that she has issues, she should be prepared to tell you what they are. She should also be prepared to give YOU the benefit of the doubt and open up to you. She will never know if she can trust you if she won't try, and she's certainly not cutting you any slack. She's exhuasting you already with her issues that you know nothing about. You're trying so hard and she's not - hardly an even playing field. I would tell her that if she can't open up, the relationship can't continue. You've opened the door of trust - she should make the effort to come in. You shouldn't have to exhaust yourself anymore. This situation could very well trap you down the track. She might be making you hang in there to see if she can trust you...she drops a bombshell and even though you're a non-judgmental person it might be something that could very well affect your life. Just because you're not judgmental, doesn't necessarily mean you'll like what she has to tell you...you'll be in deep emotionally if she takes her time, and if you don't like what she has to tell you, it could get very, very messy. If she wants to know if she can trust you, she should find out now by telling you (then you can make up your mind). The longer she leaves you dangling, the more feelings you develop for her, the harder it will be to be rational and logical once she tells you, the more hot water you'll be in...do you see where I'm leading? I'm very curious to know what could be so hard to admit to, especially on the basis that she doesn't trust men and the issue doesn't involve a guy... I don't even know the girl, yet I'm sensing she's not good news at all. If a guy couldn't be upfront and honest with me in the first couple of months of meeting (when there's less to lose emotionally) I would walk away. But I know that's easier said than done, especially the longer you hang in there. P.S. Tried to PM you, but for some reason I can't...
Author ps123 Posted October 1, 2004 Author Posted October 1, 2004 I responded to the post in the other area, but yeah, Im finally starting to see all this and it has been incredibly one sided. I do know a little bit about what the issue involves, but only the little bits of info she lets me in on. Im guessing the reason shes started to tell me at least some of it is because shes planning on telling me at some point and this might be her way of leading into it. Unfortunately, I wont get a chance to really sit down and talk about it until early next week so I have to go through the weekend with all this over my head. At least Im starting to get mad which is easier to deal with than confusion, sadness and worry. Maybe not the most healthy attitude, but...
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