nursinguitar Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 (edited) This is a damn long story.. I cut and pasted some from a couple different conversations because my fingers may fall off.. most intense story of my life, and i'm lost in the world now so please bare with me. Almost two years ago I met this girl... She was married at the time, she was very good at trying to hide her pain and misery in the relationship. Would never talk bad about him, but i'm very empathic and I could tell right away. (I used to think) She's gorgeous, such an amazing woman, so positive and encouraging, smart and compassionate, responsible etc... She started the process of breaking up with her husband and we hit it off.. I'm almost 30, been married before been in several serious relationships.. NEVER felt anything like this.. It was INSANE. We would just stare at each other for hourse for a few times before I finally reached over and just kissed the **** out of her.. It was fireworks. We probably just kissed for several hours 3 or 4 times before any nakedness.. When we finally did get naked it was unlike anything either of us had ever experienced (and i'm no schoolboy, been with my fair share) Up until a few months ago EVERY SINGLE TIME we'd (lacking a word now due to my confusion) we would both just f'ing explode and instantly agree without a doubt, that time was THE BEST we had ever had... Soulmates, we were both so sure. Before her I would have made fun of you non-stop for even suggesting it was a possibility. There was nothing we wouldn't do for each other. We both had some existential stress, we started doing drugs here and there, eventually it became too much of a habit.. My best friend who i'd grown up with but been apart for some years was getting married in hawaii and bought my plane ticket when we first started seeing each other. So I asked if it was ok, we bought her a ticket to go with.. We talked and decided we had to stop using and this was our chance!! Holy F'in Sh**!!! We had THE MOST AMAZING ten days of my entire life.. Friend's wife ended up being a bit snobby, and her and I were pretty poor, so we basically just did our own thing and explored.. We found this hidden beach at night.. made love, just us.. Most tantric amazing experience i've ever had. I would have killed for this girl, without a second's hesitation. Not a single part of me doubted we would grow old together. She reciprocated. We got back and stayed clean for a few weeks.. Then did it once, here and there, not as much.. I sensed she was scared of her own addiction.. I maybe wasn't man enough to admit the same. A few times I used without telling her, she knew though I'm almost sure of it.. basically about 4 months ago it all built up until we got in a fight.. Spare the details but I woke up the next morning instantly balling.. I loved this woman so much and I had basically blacked out... The next few weeks were pretty awful. But I eventually got her to come around, I honestly full bore have been a changed being since.. Much more aware of myself.. Confused but still so dedicated.. About two months ago she told me she wanted to break up.. She hadn't had any time between the relationships and stated she needed to find herself, i was crushed but accepted... but like 2 days later she showed up at my door like 2am telling me she loved me bla bla and we'd still been sleeping together, just kinda taking it alot slower... she has been weird but I just figured she was doing what she needed to... Actually she's been pretty ****ty to me, but i loved the **** out of her so I just kept putting up with it, coming back for more. She would flip-flop between didn't want to see me and couldn't stand me.. I loved her so much that I would just basically put up with whatever, I knew psychologically, I shouldn't be too available.. I didn't want to play games.. But a few times I tried to re-establish some power, control, they don't matter to me but I didn't want to seem desperate.. It was futile.. Pains me to admit that I spent every waking moment thinking about her.. I woke up, and went to sleep, almost every day.. if not balling then just plainly sad as ****.. I loved her with every bit of me... So like 10 days ago, I was doing her some huge favor...and she was like u can't be so nice to me Y?? Because i had sex with my neighbor... he's like this 58yr old short chubby guy who's really rich Twice she says, he thought the world revolved around him so I went and woke him up (the 2nd time) to show him it didn't!! I was like... and you ****ed him? Damn you sure did show him! So I told her I couldn't do it anymore.. I had been so crazy faithful it was nuts. We've been telling each other we were soulmates and **** basically the whole time.. So the next day, she calls me at like 4am all f'd up, there's a bunch of d-bag's in the background.. I was like wtf? Basically from that night she told me about the neighbor on it was as if... She was gone, the woman that I fell in love with no longer existed.. She was just.. Different, trashy, kind of evil! Tried to make it obvious she couldn't give two ****s about me.. Like it never meant a thing.. Fuuuccckkk We made plans later for me to come get my stuff. I went over there, she's on the porch and her car is gone. wtf again? Her landlord wouldn't take her rent and evicted her, had her 'friends' help her move. "Someone stole my keys, totalled my car 2 blocks away" And my insurance lapsed... she owed 14k. I was like omg.. But neway, I like tried to hug her and help but she was a total bitch like somehow it was my fault lol. She calls me the next morning, again 4am, "We need to use your car"... I was like are you on drugs?? (I got rid of my car like 2 months ago, just have a gsxr now, so it was super obvious she wasn't sober). No no bla bla bla. I was like hmmm know how I know? I DONT HAVE A CAR lol Well some d-bag gets on, talks all this ****.. so i called her mom, mom was like i had my suspicions, thanks... Homeboy add's me on facebook, I didn't know it was going to be her boyfriend.. Somehow I end up conversing with one of them everyday.. She says (like the next day) leave me alone, get out of my life.. Which I was super heartbroken neway and have been nothing but sweet... So I tried my best.. I would text her randomly, just like.. I miss you, this makes me ridiculous sad, not too late.. you know where this path goes... i'm here for you.. i love you So I got a job!!... her and I met at our previous job, we are both nurses, we both got fired basically for hooking up on the job which was **** cause we were totally not abusing the environment and were both good nurses, we've both been unemployed for the better part of a year, this put a huge amount of stress on us both.. Both been searching, damn hard right now. Got a new job at a sweet l ittle facility. I talked to her on the phone and told her I got a job.. She just was like great.. I just wanted her back.. this other man ends up being her bf.. I commented on one of his retarded posts (intellectual potato) poking fun. He tried to talk **** a couple times but would just get his ass wasted... I called her a few nights later and told her I was worried about her.. I loved and missed her.. He starts talking ****, so i'm like stfu.. Homeboy starts to FREESTYLE BATTLE RAP ME... omf... He had maybe one line "you aint nutin but a bitch.. uhh.. yeah..." I laugh and throw in a .. uuuuhh.. yeeeaah! Oh damn did he just say that? And just laugh but he continued his repeat for a few mins. Eventually I just said An*** I miss you, this is sad as ****.. Starting my new job.. The night I walked in, I got hit with this flood of memories and emotions.. we fell in love at a place just like this one basically.. So I was super sad.. I txt her and just said like, I miss that woman I used to know so well.. They need another nurse and I was like.. It's not too late to turn it around, I could get you a job.. I love you so much.. My sister calls the work phone (it's like 2am) and says she just showed up.. I look at my phone, i've missed 58 calls Oh, and my sis tells me, the crackhead bf was in the car (dude is tatooed from waist up, including his neck and head... everything but the face) So I call her all pissed like WTF?? She's like I need to see you, he left come over.. And i just wanted to protect my sis and make sure it wasn't gonna happen again.. (let alone I had been missing that woman soo much.. she'd been gone for at least 10 days, but halfway for a month Neway long story short (hahahahahahaha jk) I show up, he comes out of the shadows after I take my helmet off and just starts rambling all this ****, this is my girlfriend bla bla.....Smacks the cig out of my mouth and catches my glasses with it.. I'm blind as a bat. I had a feeling this may happen.. so I had a scalpel in my wrist already.. He slaps me open palmed in the face... and then sticks his face out at me all drunken and retarded... And I just bout snapped.. But I just shoved him and screamed at the top of my lungs like GET THE **** BACK Neway.. i'm like f u both your crazy, he starts spilling beer on my bike all bla bla bla and she''s like standing there trying to egg(sp?) him on... my god I'm like An*** will you help me find my glasses and i'll just leave? She's like, find em yourself.. you've been disrespecting me for the past 6 months... WTF!?!?! This is plainly not true.. I've never (never even seen someone) roll(ed) out the red carpet like that... I would have given/done anything for her at any cost and she knew it.. So neway, tries to hit me again but i blocked it and shoved his ass and just took off.. I grew up in the country.. I wanted to, and had every means to kill his ass right there. Let alone come back with some friends, some guns... whatever.. But instead I called the cops, filed a report but not pressing charges. Told him they were on drugs. Says he'll watch and stop people if its suspicious but not mention me... Sent her a message that was like i'll let the assault slide, waking up in your skin will be punishment enough for the rest of your lives.. But if I see/smell either of your garbage around my sister again there will be no more waking up... Been 3 days. Not a word obviously no word... Obviously, I don't think I could EVER forgive her. Let alone love her in the way that I used to... But WTF!?!? I don't know what to do with myself, let alone what to think. I know I need to move on, I'm in the process. Being a nurse has it's perks. There's plenty of cute girls there, i'm young, good looking.. Very smart, can play the guitar like ****ing van halen meets andre segovia.. Drive a damn nice bullet bike.. Smooth talking, bright future.. But what in the ****? Edited May 19, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Wall of text.
Author nursinguitar Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 *flip flop = couldn't stand life without me
Downtown Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 NG, welcome to the LoveShack forum. The behaviors you describe -- i.e., the temper tantrums, low self esteem, rapid flips between loving you and devaluing you, verbal abuse, lack of impulse control, vindictiveness, and always being "The Victim" -- are some of the classic traits of BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), which my exW has. Of course, only a professional can determine whether she meets 100% of the diagnostic criteria for having full-blown BPD. You nonetheless can learn how to spot the red flags if you learn what warning signs to look for. There is nothing subtle about traits such as strong verbal abuse and rapid flips between Jekyll and Hyde behavior. Significantly, BPDers have very little sense of who they are. They therefore have learned to emulate the personalities of whomever they are around. Generally, they do not do this to be manipulative. Rather, they've been doing it since early childhood as a way of fitting in and being accepted and loved. I mention this because, if you actually were dating a BPDer, she would have been mirroring all the best aspects of your personality during the courtship period. Indeed, she would have liked all the things you love to do and she would have enjoyed being around all the people whom you enjoy. Indeed, that mirroring process is so perfect that nearly everyone who is courting a BPDer is convinced that he has met his "soul mate," as you say. And, because the BPDer is infatuated with her new mate, she likely believes it too. But, sadly, that illusion disappears when her infatuation starts to evaporate -- which usually occurs about 3 to 6 months into the relationship. During that short period, however, you likely will get the most passionate and intense sex of your entire lifetime. The "fireworks," as you say, is the only way to describe it. Because the BPDer reflects your best attributes so perfectly, this sexual experience is the closest you will ever come to making love to yourself. You also are describing a woman who relies heavily on black-white thinking, wherein she categorizes everyone as "all good" (i.e., with me) or "all bad" (i.e., against me). That all-or-nothing thinking also would be evident in the frequent use of expressions such as "you NEVER..." and "you ALWAYS...." If you are interested, I explain that B-W thinking -- together with some other BPD traits -- in my posts at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/275289-crazy-i-think-but-i-love-her-anyway#post3398735. If that description rings a bell, I would be glad to discuss it with you. Take care, NG. 1
Downtown Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 *flip flop = couldn't stand life without meThose having strong BPD traits are notorious for flipping -- in only ten seconds -- between adoring you and hating you. And, a few hours or days later, they can flip back again just as quickly. This is why the #2 best-selling BPD book (targeted to the abused partners) is called I Hate You, Don't Leave Me.
carhill Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 My best friend's wife's way of 'explaining' her disorder process is, in exact working, 'I know I'm mean to you but I really love you'. She's told me that, on many occasions, over the 20 years I've known her. The flips will go from giving me a gift one moment to cussing me the next, then back. The really interesting parts are when she throws the gift at me. I never know how that's going to go Beware of 'gorgeous'. The shell of the egg is no indication of what lurks inside. If I were in your shoes and creating a posting like the one I just skimmed through, I'd seek professional help to work through the attachment and the various psychological impacts of dealing with such a person over time. It can really help. Good luck and welcome to LS. 1
avelonia2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Calling the police was the best thing you could do. Good for you. These people sound crrraaaazy and you need to cut them out of your life pronto! I've had some experience with BPDers and every single experience was awful! They hone in on your weaknesses to gain control of you. If you allow them into your life you will end up becoming a receptical for all the bad stuff they are carrying around inside them. It's called projection. When their bad feelings build up they project them onto you so they don't have to carry them around. It helps them feel good for a while and then the cycle starts all over again. The feelings start building up again and need another release. It's a horrible relationship to be in. You end up feeling like you are the crazy one. Keep these people out of your life for good and get into counseling to figure out why you were vulnerable to this in the first place. Protect yourself and don't be afraid to call the cops if they try to bother you again.
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