Jump to content

one night stand and serious relationships--are they totally against each other?

ellabella

By ellabella
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

ellabella New Member

ellabella

Posted
Posted

oK-- HERE IT IS I'm confident that you guys will have words of wisdom...

 

I might just be going crazy but I have to write about it to distance me from "it" ...

 

I met this very sweet guy about three weeks ago. I had seen him before but we finally met at a reunion with some of my co-workers. We flirted all night and ended up together that night. We had a great night and morning. I saw him again about 3 or 4 times after that... perfect, very sweet, very noble, a lot of fun. He 's loud, talks and talks and talks, funny and fun, etc....

 

i saw him again this past weekend. we spend a day and night together --he said he will call but he hasn't done it. He always kept his promises but his time.... ??? three days and counting... i'm wondering... how feasible are relationships with someone that you sleep with on the first night? any thoughts?

SoleMate Established Member

SoleMate

Posted
Posted

It's a gamble. Don't play that way unless you are willing to put up with the disappointments philosophically.

WantanS4 Established Member

WantanS4

Posted
Posted

Tthe fun is taken out of it when you give him what he wants....... congratulations... your stock has dropped.

billybadass36 Established Member

billybadass36

Posted
Posted

Yeah. I've never had a relationship with someone I slept with on the first night last longer than a week or two. Just fizzles. There's so much more than sex, that if sex shows up right away, there's no tension, no build-up, no cat and mouse, etc...I dunno. Plus, I always think that someone that pulls one-nighters is easy and she's probably got a list of "conquests" a mile long which (for me anyway) would be something that I don't think I could get over so I always tell myself not to invest any emotional currency on someone that chancy. Who knows? Just me I guess. There's nothing sexier than a woman who shows she's interested but also shows some restraint when it comes to giving it up. Don't get me wrong - one night stands are fine. I've had my share of em, but just can't expect those to turn into serious relationships. But I've been wrong, and I'm by far not the most successful "relationship" guy.

NatoPMT Established Member

NatoPMT

Posted
Posted

I dont think its because you slept with him on the first night he's not called, youve seen him 3 or 4 times since so its a 4 night stand, not a one night stand.

 

could be a 100 reasons why, but i dont think thats the one.

fiatflux Member

fiatflux

Posted
Posted

no, the reason he hasn't called is because he's not interested in you beyond booty call. That's the harsh truth. It's really nothing to do with the fact that you slept with him the first night. you would not have increased your long-term odds with him by not sleeping with him the first night...you would just have missed out on the fun booty call. :)

  • Author
ellabella New Member

ellabella

Posted
  • Author
Posted

he did call after all and I saw him again over the weekend... i am sure what will happen but i feel less nervous. You are all right in your comments... let's see what happens with this " one night stand" but I am not that excited anymore...

 

thanks for your comments....

 

PS -- I really didn't think that this forum would be helpful but i guess it works.....

Mr Spock Established Member

Mr Spock

Posted
Posted

The key to this is of course, not to CARE if he calls. The emotional attachment you form after one night of sex is the thing that will make you go crazy in a real long term relationship. If you're going to do it, you musn't care. If he calls, great. If he doesn't, move on.

 

Worrying about this will only pick at your self esteem, which isn't good for you.

CurlyIam Established Member

CurlyIam

Posted
Posted

Spock is right. You have just as much right to enjoy yourself as he does. As long as it's just play, you're safe.

 

As for a relationship before that... I wish you luck and a clear mind as from this moment on, you are officially out of the safety zone :) .

 

Cheers,

 

Curly

  • Author
ellabella New Member

ellabella

Posted
  • Author
Posted

yeah, i shouldn't care.... he is a sweet guy but i'm not sure if he is really that much interested... he is very relax and laid back and wants to keep things "light" ... He hasn't said anything like this but I know, I can tell... we didn't discuss/talk about it but I know... I guess we have a friendship to develop regardless of what will happen in the future.... there are no bitter feelings so i am sure we can be friends and let this take its own path...

 

And to clarify to someone else who wrote a reply, no, i haven't had many one night stands... but now i'm curious to see what will happen with this one. i'm an attractive, intelligent, successful woman and I know he likes me (as many other guys do as well) ... that doesn't mean that he is looking for a relationship but I know he finds me attractive, interesting, smart... something can begin from that. HOwever, I also have to ask myself, what do I like about him? do I like him? do I want something? and I am not sure... let's see what happens...

 

thanks for your replies and your words of wisdom....

NatoPMT Established Member

NatoPMT

Posted
Posted

ella, be cool with this, dont sweat it and just let him come to you. be excited to hear from him, but let him for the best part contact you. if he's laid back etc, he may not be he sort to judge you for your first night. its pretty pathetic of someone to not want to see you again after doing exactly what they have done if that was the case, i find that ridiculous. But it sounds like this guy has his head more screwed on.

 

interested to hear how you get on with this one so keep us posted

 

BB

  • Author
ellabella New Member

ellabella

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Well, my one-night thing is still going... He has called (most of the times) and not called (sometimes) ... We had a pretty good conversation about 5 days ago and he says that he likes me a lot, that he has never met anyone like me before, but that he is a little bit freaked out. about meeting me and stuff.. I honestly believe that the sleeping with him the first night is not the thing that will make or break this relationship.... It's beyond that... He seems to be a nice person but extremely laid back and free spirit... He is now out of town for work and he was supposed to call but hasn't done it. I know he will eventually do it... Let's see what happens. Thanks for the interest....

 

ellabella

CurlyIam Established Member

CurlyIam

Posted
Posted

See?Sometimes, only sometimes, very very little times, yet, sometimes :o it does pay out to follow your instinct. As long as you know what you're doing, where you stand and don't read too much into his signals, it's great.

 

Figure out what you want, if he's giving it to you and see what comes next :) .

  • Author
ellabella New Member

ellabella

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks for your words... especially CurlyIam... i really liked what you had to say... i will keep you posted....

 

 

ellabella

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...