Think too much Posted October 9, 2004 Posted October 9, 2004 I think it would be interesting to hear the other side of the story too. They find someone else... they forget us and move on. Do they ever take the time to miss us? How could they not when you spend so much time with someone? I am extremely doubtful that rebounds ever really work out. It's just short term. At least I hope so anyway. This weekend is killing me. I found out my ex went out of town with his new gf. It sucks to know the same people and hear about what the ex is up to.
snilljente Posted October 9, 2004 Posted October 9, 2004 OH MY GOD......yes, it sucks to always be hearing about them....geez, ourlives are too much alike! I am down this weekend too...miss him even though he threw me away like a piece of trash......PM if you like....let's try and support each other......sometimes I just want to be by myself...I don't ever want to put myself out there again...at least it feels that way right now....and everyone thinks that I am over this...they don't want to hear about him because of what a jerk he was to me in the end...but little do they know that I still think about him all of the time......and I think about him with his new gf...kissing her, etc.....
Hurt Posted October 10, 2004 Posted October 10, 2004 I TOLD ALL MY FRIENDS THAT I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT HER! AND IT HAS HELPED ME SO MUCH, I TOSSED HER NUMBERS AND IT GETS BETTER
DESI Posted October 10, 2004 Posted October 10, 2004 Reading these posts I don't feel so alone. I also have mutual friends with my ex and I told them that I no longer wanted to hear anything about hiim. But as soon as I did that his mom called me out of no where....well that was a while ago. I won't be calling her ever again, unless she calls me of course. But then my brother and my friends always bump into him, and they always tell me, and it sucks to hear about it. I have been posting here a lot, and I was saying that I was so hurt because he never calls me, and I feel like he just threw me away like a piece of trash. Worst feeling in the world. He is the last person that I thought would act that way. Well anyways today when I was at work he called my cell, but it was just to tell me that his friend is selling this car that I have been wanting for a long long time, and that if I was interested to call him. Yes it makes me feel good I guess to know that at least he thought about me, but I hate it how whenever he does contact me its always about something so impersonal. Once he wrote me a text message asking about a movie name, and another time to called me just to ask me if I got my brothers books back from him. People may say maybe its an excuse for him to talk to you, but I don't see it that way, because if that was the case he would say something like oh how are you doing? blah blah blah.... Instead our conversations are only about what he called about and then its okay bye. What do you guys think about this. Remember he broke up with me out of no where, wanted to marry me, pratically proposed and then said he needed space. Five whole months with no contact at all, except for these stupid conversations. I just feel so empty without him, I was so so in love with him, more then I can ever explain. I loved him more then life itself and no that he is gone I just miss him so much. I know you guys understand. Any advice or words of wisdom would be great. I just feel like I obssess about it, anyone else feel that way? It just hurts to think after so many years and how can they go on and not even miss us??!!??
Hurt Posted October 10, 2004 Posted October 10, 2004 Trust me, I am a guy! One day you will meet another who will make all your love and giving back to you
snilljente Posted October 10, 2004 Posted October 10, 2004 Hurt...I hope we do meet a guy that appreciates our love and gives it back...someone who isn't capable of "flipping a switch" and suddenly not caring/or at least acting that way...I have always said that the guys I date should treat me at least as well as they treat their friends...they don't pull this "disappearing act" on their friends when things get tough...they let them know what is up...even if it means that the friendship may be ending....I have no respect for a guy that just leaves a girl hanging because he is too chicken s%&t to break up with her.....Desi...don't take his stupid calls/questions anymore....who knows why he is doing this, but he wanted NC..give him NC...he is being selfish by calling you to ask you stupid/petty stuff when he knows how you feel about him and how those calls are going to affect you. Protect yourself...next time, tell him that you wanted things to work out, but that he requested NC and that you are not able to do the "in between thing" where he calls when he wants....tell him it's either or......but that it hurts you the way that he is acting now with his silly calls and not even bothering to ask how you are.......Take care of yourself first and foremost...everytime he calls, it reopens the wound and this isn't fair to you.....Hurt, any idea why guys "flip this switch"...read my posts and I'd love your input....thanks guys, hang in there!
Hurt Posted October 10, 2004 Posted October 10, 2004 When a guy pulls the trigger, it is A) they met someone, B) its just not there anymore and C) they feel you are too much too soon and cramming their style in life! Get over this guy, he knows how you feel and he wants out, there is nothing you can do, you are hurting while he is having fun, control the hurt every moment tell yourself "I am better without him, I will meet the right one when the time is right> go out, smile, dont talk about him throw every contact you may have tell friends you never want to hear about him and that you will never ask, you need to move on, there is lots of life left, tomorrow the sun will rise, only you can control how you will view the sun, its pretty!!! Move on, he is dead in your mind as you are to his, sorry to be blunt, but think of all the worse things that could have happened to you.
lemur55 Posted October 11, 2004 Posted October 11, 2004 i just went through a break-up that has left me completely bewildered. how can someone say they care so much one day, then the next they act as though you aren't even worthy of the kind of respect one would give to even a complete stranger walking down the street? is there something in human nature that allows our sense of decency to plummet so low that we cannot bring ourselves to look our ex "love" in the eye and speak honestly about who we have become and what we need now, as opposed to yesterday? sometimes even in the friendliest/more casual of relationships, not necessarily super soulmate romantic ones, the "break" is completely uncalled for in terms of harsh words and actions. why is it that so many of us (and perhaps everyone in the world??) get not only hurt by the break-up, but then have to deal with the backlash of disrespect, complete isolation both physically and emotionally, etc, etc? so, i turn the tables and ask you, how do YOU typically treat someone when you do not want to see them any longer? do you give them the time, space (or not as much as you personally would like, because they are in need of togetherness) and the support of a true friend? i've always tried to be a good ex, if that's even possible, i mean, after all, why go out with someone if you don't like them as a friend to begin with? (which would mean that you still desire their friendship afterwards, right?) i am dumbfounded by people who you develop a real solid relationship with, who just turn around and act as though you never meant a thing to them... any thoughts on this? thanks!
snilljente Posted October 11, 2004 Posted October 11, 2004 Hurt, is it A, B or C, or all three.....but a guy just doesn't pull the trigger when he meets another girl...people who are in relationships meet other people all the time, but they don't act on it.....I think it was C for him.....and since he had met her, he had an easy back up plan....he told her that I wanted a serious commitment and that's why he hit the street running...not true, but I think that this is how he perceived things and he got scared...Frankly, I have lots of guys after me...and she is ok, but not great looking and he SEEMED very in to me until the very end...so I think it's C..maybe I am naive...but.....
snilljente Posted October 11, 2004 Posted October 11, 2004 Lemur, if I have to break up with someone, I tell them that I feel like I need to be honest, even though it will hurt their feelings, but that I do not want to see them anymore.....I tell them that I have an "honesty" policy because I too want to be treated honestly......it doesn't make breaking up with them easy..but I think that they appreciate/respect this approach in the end...and I too remain friends with them.....unlike the guy who "pulled the trigger" and then, exactly as you said, didn't even treat me with the decency that he would give a stranger on the street...I don't have an answer for this behavior...possibly just cowardness?! Opinions???!!!
Think too much Posted October 11, 2004 Posted October 11, 2004 I agree totally.. it's coward-Ness. I think deep down they know they will hurt if they stop and remember us. They are hiding by moving on to someone else. I can't help but feel pity for the poor people they run too who have no idea how big of a coward they really are. Thank god the weekend is over! I don't know about you guys but I used to look forward to my weekend but now all I do is try to keep myself busy from thinking about him but it doesn't always work. Why do I let him still control me by thoughts? How was everyone's weekend? Snilljente I know yours was hard. did you find a way to keep yourself busy? I went running last night.. my ex's new girlfriend was over there without him. His parents were outside taking pic of the family (her included). It seems like she really fits in. They seem to be getting so close so fast. I know I shouldn't care but I am sooo jealous. I hate living by him. I can't do anything without seeing him or her.
snilljente Posted October 11, 2004 Posted October 11, 2004 Yes, cowardness...and running from their feelings like you said Think....they don't want to feel, so they find a new "drug" in someone new...it's a temporary fix.....odd, my ex's new gf KNOWS about all of the crappy stuff he did to me and that he was still in contact with me, telling me he cared, that we would be together again, bla bla bla when she was seeing him as well.....Apparently, despite knowing all of this, she still wants to be with him...I personally wouldn't feel so great about so clearly being someone's rebound, but I am sure that he has told her that he really likes her, etc...just like he did with me....My weekend was ok...I was down, but tried to stay somewhat busy...Think, I think you should seriously consider moving so you don't have to keep running into him and his family and new gf so much..it reopens the wound for you everytime you seem one of them.....a new place to live would be a good fresh start..is this an option?
DESI Posted October 11, 2004 Posted October 11, 2004 Think Too Much, I can not imagine having to live so close to my ex, that would be unbearable to see, its bad enough for me to imagine what he is doing, but I never know for sure. I truly am so sorry that you are in that kind of situation. My ex lives 2 hours away from me, but I used to work where he lived and I would see him every weekend, I used to once enjoy the weekends the most. I couldn't wait all weekend to go home and see him. (he lives in my hometown, about 2 minutes away from my parents) But now I dread the weekends. I try to keep myself busy, and even with a full-time job and full-time school I still find so much time to stop and think about him. I just feel like I can not help it, I miss him so much. Even though I KNOW it will NEVER be the way it was, and I KNOW I would NEVER be able to trust him ever again, it is still hard to cope. I always pictured his face when I was walking down the alise (spelling sorry). I mean he always talked about it, more then me, but I guess it isn't "meant to be" if you believe in that stuff. Not sure if I do anymore. I thought we found eachother so wierd after so many years that it must be fate. But no it wasn't. It hurts everyday, the constant reminders of everyday life, the songs that play on the radio, and my many many dreams where I wake up to find out that everything is still the same. I obsess over it, and not sure if that is normal. I know you can't put a time limit on how long it takes to get over an ex, but its been almost 5 months for me since our break up. I guess I just thought that by now he would have called me to see how I was doing, or to say I miss you, or something. I just expected him to be more respectful if we did break up, or for us to kind of still talk or give me some explanation that made sense as to why. To picture him with someone else just kills me. Anyone else have these feelings where you feel like you obsess about them so much? I know that if he probably had another girlfriend he would eventually lie to her just like he lied to me, but deep down I feel like she will be different, he will love her so he won't lie to her. God, it makes me feel like I am not good enough for him. I feel like all I do is go to work and go to school, and I do not have anything to look forward to anymore. Before I had his phone calls to look forward to and the weekends to look forward to, now I feel like I have nothing. I am just feeling quite depressed over this whole thing. I am definately not handling it very well. I go home after work to try to do some homework, and all I can think about his him, and what he is doing, and just why? This is the hardest thing that I have ever had to go through, it is so much worse then any other break up, because I never felt like anyone was the one except for him. I feel like all my dreams and happiness went down the drain.
Sister_Integrity Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 I've been following the discussion and have to say, who knows, some of you may be the other woman in the relationship I have been in since July of this year. I'm in the Atlanta area, and I got a call last weekend from his "girlfriend" (which he has repeatedly told me is the ex) asking me if I was doing her boyfriend. She's obviously looking for answers, and he's not giving me the answers that I need. I'm about ready to end it, and feel like I need some answers myself for closure purposes. If she called me, she must be looking and wondering, since she had to go through his things to get my cell number. What should I do?
snilljente Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 Well, if you are feeling especially creative, invite him to meet you for dinner....and then call her and let her know too...the both of you can confront him.....Yeah, funny when they tell someone that a girl is their ex...but they never bothered to break up with the "ex"......I read once that any man who has two women on a string, doesn't deserve either one of them...kick him to the curb.....
shaker1973 Posted November 3, 2004 Posted November 3, 2004 I think I have finally realized why they do it. It's not they they are trying to hurt us with their no response - it's that they are trying not to hurt themselves. If they don't talk to the people they hurt, they never really have to face up to what low-life pieces of crap that they are. IF they listened to us for just one minute - the guilt of breaking things off in a manner that was cowardly or immature - would eat them alive. Look, most of these people I hope are over the age of 21. They are adults, they know right from wrong - hell even a 14 year old should know right from wrong about this. Realize this - the one who hurt you and cut you from their lives do not respect you. They are self absorbed little children who can't deal with reality. If they could they would have ended things in a more adult and mature way. We all know relationships end, and if done in the right way it doesn't have to be a freaking drama. They don't want to talk to you, or me or whoever they hurt because they would see what awful people they are. These people are the same ones who will cheat on their spouses. These are the people who don't care about anything but immediate self gratification. So, what's the best thing to do - all the mature and respectful people of the world - leave the losers alone and let them hurt each other leave us out of their drama. In the future - take it slow, don't jump into bed together, don't confuse love with comfort or lust- and you will probably have the best relationship of your life.
Just Visiting Posted November 3, 2004 Posted November 3, 2004 shaker you hit the nail on my ex's head...lol. I can definitely see him in your post. Very gratifying.
DESI Posted November 3, 2004 Posted November 3, 2004 I also agree, however you said in the future take it slow and don't jump into bed with them right away. Don't confuse love with lust or comfort, and you will have the best relationship of your life. I totally agree with that statement. But my ex and I waiting 3 months before we did anything at all. Yeah we would spend the night together but all we ever did was kiss until 3 months. He was so respectful, and we wanted to take it slow, to makes things right. It just hurts still, I feel like I will never feel that way ever again! I know to hear myself say that sounds so ridiculous, but I personally think it is hard to met someone that you have so much in common with. Maybe I am wrong, I hope I am wrong anyways.
Think too much Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 Desi, We will all find our true love someday. They will make us feel ten times better than our exes ever did.
jellybean Posted November 5, 2004 Posted November 5, 2004 Originally posted by shaker1973 Realize this - the one who hurt you and cut you from their lives do not respect you. They are self absorbed little children who can't deal with reality. If they could they would have ended things in a more adult and mature way. These people are the same ones who will cheat on their spouses. These are the people who don't care about anything but immediate self gratification. You know my ex, yes?
mixwell Posted November 6, 2004 Posted November 6, 2004 thats the same way my ex is with me ! well she broke up cause of a LD relationship.. but im moving back out there the end of this month.. this total LD will be 2 months.. anyways though im in the same boat.. she acts kinda mean to me on the phone, doesnt want to talk about relationship.. and shes hanging out with a "guy friend" well im going to find out this sunday if he is just a friend because i have some eyes back where she is.. anyways i cant understand because she loves me soo much and before i moved said how love could conquer anything blah blah.. but now its like i almost have to beg her to talk because she soo busy.. ive been with her for 7 years.. and its soo hard for me not to talk to her and all.. i do call her all the time which is bad but its soo hard not to call..i need to work on that.. but anyways i think i should do a little NC with her and not call and see how she reacts.. at least its sort of good to know that im not the only one going through this !! this thread has help me think about things !! Thanks ! Mixwell
snilljente Posted November 6, 2004 Posted November 6, 2004 Mixwell...be careful not to be a doormat...it sounds like you are dangerously close.....take care of YOURSELF...and stop focusing 100% on her....she's being selfish.
mixwell Posted November 7, 2004 Posted November 7, 2004 thanks for the advice.. yeah i know what yer saying snill.. actually i had a chat with my mom that helped me out alot.. see when i get out there my lifes going to be alot better (my own place, friends, etc...) her on the other hand is living a life she doesnt like.. shes living with her friends grandpa because she got kicked outta her place.. she has a lot of debt and all.. anyways i was kind of happy because i know im going to have the upper hand out there.. i mean she lives with her friends grandpa and hangs out with the same guy everday and once i show up and she sees me on the scene its going to be different.. what im going to do though is go into her work when i get out there and say whats up to my friend (she introduced me to) and kind of shine her on a little bit.. so it will hit her that hey i am back there and my life is going good.. i dont want her to think that im all sad and stuff. besides i WILL be happy and all that anyways but i think shes gonna change her mind.. besides if not.. im a good looking guy and i have a good personality and i have friends so whatever.. but i have not called her and she called me yesterday and i was at some marine corps call and i told her that like i dont really care anymore and that im just looking forward to moving out there and hanging out with my friends.. well she kinda got pissy about that so i think she was just trying to play head games.. but regardless im happier now and i know that good thinkgs are coming my way out there and if she can get her head outta her ass and stop playing games maybe I will ALLOW her to have the oppurtunity to have a better life with me.. so we'll see how it goes..
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