Buttercup84 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 After being rejected by a guy I really liked, I finally need to face my issues. I am 29 in a few weeks and need to stop attracting the wrong men. Since I got fit and changed my appearance, I have attracted men that I would have never attracted before. I am not super model hot, but maybe I have more confidence. But they are all players, and commitment phobes. Last guy had so many red flags but I ignored them because he seemed so sweet and genuine when we went on dates. I am getting tired of getting hurt and falling for them. I want a serious relationship and not just sex. How can I stop attracting them ? Is it a self esteem thing you think ? Please be honest with me. By the way, I do not go to clubs and I dress smart and not " flashy " or whatever. Thank you
Woggle Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Maybe subconsciously you and them are attracting each other.
Author Buttercup84 Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 Maybe subconsciously you and them are attracting each other. Maybe you are right. You do attract what you are feeling. I guess I fall for the cheeky and flirty guys. Which sucks, since they are often the players.
Leigh 87 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Can you not tell if a guy genuinely really wants to get to know you? If you meet a guy who is really interested in you and getting to know you better, he will not be a jerk to you. It looks like you speak to the wrong men and give them a chance with you. How about meeting some men who come across as though they are really nice people? Guys who are friendly to others, and treat those around them well? Guys who are interested in you and what you have to say? Men who do not go through women like they do toilet paper? lol. I tend to avoid the super hot guys who see a lot of women. I go for the average looking men who are wonderful people. For starters. Also, I find that if a guy is really into you, he will make it known.. Are you picking up on all the signs? Or do they just say generic things that they know you WANT to hear? A sign a guy is really into you and wants to get to know you really badly, is if: he really likes the way you are, the way you dress, he is interested in you a lot and he asks questions about your life and seems genuinely interested. I just think it is good to be casual with men and to not get your hopes up too high, until they really show you they are interested. Only then will I invest much in them.
Author Buttercup84 Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 Can you not tell if a guy genuinely really wants to get to know you? If you meet a guy who is really interested in you and getting to know you better, he will not be a jerk to you. It looks like you speak to the wrong men and give them a chance with you. How about meeting some men who come across as though they are really nice people? Guys who are friendly to others, and treat those around them well? Guys who are interested in you and what you have to say? Men who do not go through women like they do toilet paper? lol. I tend to avoid the super hot guys who see a lot of women. I go for the average looking men who are wonderful people. For starters. Also, I find that if a guy is really into you, he will make it known.. Are you picking up on all the signs? Or do they just say generic things that they know you WANT to hear? A sign a guy is really into you and wants to get to know you really badly, is if: he really likes the way you are, the way you dress, he is interested in you a lot and he asks questions about your life and seems genuinely interested. I just think it is good to be casual with men and to not get your hopes up too high, until they really show you they are interested. Only then will I invest much in them. Thanks for your reply. The thing with the last one was that he was very keen, messaged me always first and would ask me about my day, and little things that showed he was interested in me. He was very polite to others and just everything I wanted. but he has serious issues despite saying he wants a girlfriend. I never used to get attention from " hot ' guys so maybe that is the problem. But they are not pretty boy hot with super abs or anything, I do like average guys. I just really want a good guy who won't break my heart.
Author Buttercup84 Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 Do you ever get hit on by guys that you're not attracted to? If so, go out with them and see what happens. A woman I know tried that and she ended up marrying a really good guy. That is kind of sweet. I have, I tried going out with guys that were not my type. Years ago one ended up as a serious boyfriend, he is now just a friend though. Maybe i am just not date-able ? Ha
USMCHokie Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Do you ever get hit on by guys that you're not attracted to? If so, go out with them and see what happens. I wouldn't recommend that anyone do that...that's just a disaster waiting to happen...the only time that'd be feasible is if the woman was no longer desirable to the men she desires...
Leigh 87 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 awww I know it can be hard Basically, the more guys your open to dating and seeing how it progresses, the better your chances are of finding the right guy. I am not advocating dating men who you CANNOT see yourself EVER being able to enjoy sex with. I am saying: date guys who you are attracted enough to in order to be intimate with; but who you may not be proud to show off to your friends and family at first. ................................... Look, when I met my ex, I was not that attracted to him, but I was still able to get turned on by him and have sex with him. I was not proud to show him off to my friends or family. He also did not have a few of the things I thought I needed in a guy: a college education, for instance. I still felt the need to continue seeing him for a strange reason, and I ended up falling really in love with him... I have learnt that it is not that hard to find the right guy who you share a great love with; IF you allow yourself to be open to more types of men... He ended up being amazing in his own ways. I am not saying to settle for a guy who is anything less than AMAZING to you! I am saying: a guy who you wouldn't normally consider, could turn OUT to be a wonderful guy!
xxoo Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 If you are using OLD, stop. When a guy excites and interests you, enjoy that, but recognize it for what it is-- a rush of hormones. Play it cool and let him reveal himself to you. Be charming, not sexual, in your flirtation. Take your time. The guy primarily interested in sex will lose interest (good). A man looking for a girlfriend will be intrigued and captivated. Lead with beauty and charm, not sex. 3
Imported Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Maybe all those guys aren't "players". Maybe they just got with you and decided it wasn't going to work with you and moved on to find a girl that it would work with.
stillafool Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 It's not about who you attract. It's about who you allow in your life. Stop allowing these men in your life.
hppr Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 What Leigh is saying is making a lot of sense. The only caveat I'd add is that just because a guy is 'hot' doesn't mean he's a prick, he could be a good guy as well. It is more about character than looks. Maybe all those guys aren't "players". Maybe they just got with you and decided it wasn't going to work with you and moved on to find a girl that it would work with. Yeah exactly. Also she said the last guy had a ton of issues right off the bat so what do you expect to happen?
monkey00 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 What's the age range of these men? And how are you meeting them? I would say a good portion of men are commitment phobes. You just have to meet the right one who isn't. Hold out with sex in the early stages if you have to, that should easily weed them out.
TheGuard13 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I'm willing to bet that you're not only attracting "bad boys". These are just the ones you're choosing to spend time with. 3
xxoo Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 It probably is more of a case of "how not to fall for bad boys" rather "how not to attract bad boys". How not to fall for them is to raise your standards for behavior. A man should show some consistent interest in you, outside of sexual interest, before you allow him access to your your body and your heart. Unless you are interested in casual sex, of course, which it sounds like you are not. 2
hppr Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Maybe you are right. You do attract what you are feeling. I guess I fall for the cheeky and flirty guys. Which sucks, since they are often the players. Look, if you go to a bar, party, really anywhere and a guy is acting that way towards you it's because he wants to bang you. It's not about being a player or anything like that. If you want a relationship you have to have common interests and goals. It's that simple. I think that you know this as well, but let's face it it's not as much fun as jumping in the sack with a smartass guy you met at a bar.
nickkelly9 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I am so sick of bad boys. I have been told time and again by women that I lack an edge, I'm not attractive because I'm too good. Why? Because I have an IQ over 140? Because I go to work every day and bust ass? Because I'm eloquent and literate and polite and well versed? Quite frankly, **** bad boys. I watched a marathon of the show The Killer Speaks on A & E the other day. And I realized something. All of the serial killers/spree killers/mass killers/psychopaths on that show were "Bad boys". One really amazing, beautiful Russian girl got her head chopped off in 2011 because she fell in with one. So you know what? Any women who want a guy with an edge, who does drugs, or breaks the law, or can't keep a job, or keeps spouting off, or gets into fights, or sleeps around, great. Just know you'll be lucky not to get decapitated or your head bashed in 36 times with a hammer, okay? 1
hppr Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Why? Because I have an IQ over 140? Because I go to work every day and bust ass? Because I'm eloquent and literate and polite and well versed? What do you look like?
CompleteFailure Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 What do you look like? serial killers/spree killers/mass killers/psychopaths?
tbf Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 It probably is more of a case of "how not to fall for bad boys" rather "how not to attract bad boys". How not to fall for them is to raise your standards for behavior. A man should show some consistent interest in you, outside of sexual interest, before you allow him access to your your body and your heart. Unless you are interested in casual sex, of course, which it sounds like you are not.This, this, this. If you're above average in attractiveness, you're going to attract a lot of bad, decent and incompatible men. The trick is learning how to differentiate between them where there's no bullet proof way. Pretty much ever women gets her heart broken at some stage in life. We also make mistakes. What you're going to need to do is to analyze what happened with these men and learn from these experiences.
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Eh, bad boys are great. They don't deserve the bad rap they get. Besides, most guys would be bad, if they could afford to be... 1
hppr Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Eh, bad boys are great. They don't deserve the bad rap they get. Besides, most guys would be bad, if they could afford to be... I don't believe in the bad-boy nice-guy thing anyways. I mean reading these forums and posts by some women you'd think that the choice is either 1) a guy who is a complete loser/jerk but incredibly hot or 2) a guy who is ugly, a pushover, no good in bed but loyal and 'nice'. Really, it doesn't exist, and most of the time it's just that they either didn't have anything in common or the guy in question just wasn't relationship material for them and they are PO'd about it.
Roadkill007 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Eh, bad boys are great. They don't deserve the bad rap they get. Besides, most guys would be bad, if they could afford to be... Lol.... This made me think of batman. He does money/charity stuff by day, dresses in tights and tangles with badboys at night. Clearly batman also luvs the bad boys
somedude81 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Last guy had so many red flags but I ignored them because he seemed so sweet and genuine when we went on dates. Yeah, that's probably something you should work on.
Woggle Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Eh, bad boys are great. They don't deserve the bad rap they get. Besides, most guys would be bad, if they could afford to be... It's not that guys want to be bad. They want the results that the bad boys achieve. 1
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