tom.adkins99 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Background: I'm a westerner living in South Korea and my girlfriend is Korean. We've been dating 2 years and she has lived with me for the past year. We are really great together and all of my friends tell me she is a keeper (she's beautiful, smart, caring, confident, and she knows what she wants). Recently I've noticed her getting more emotional and stressed out. She hasn't told her parents about us (her parents think she is living with a friend) but she is getting tired of having to lie all of the time to them. I have no problem with her telling her parents about us, but if she did - then she wouldn't be allowed to live with me as her conservative Korean parents wouldn't allow it. Current Situation: While she hasn't been pushing anything on me, I know that she is ready to get married. I'm Canadian and I am seriously thinking about moving back home next February after my contract is finished in Korea. My gf wants to get out of Korea and her dream is to be a flight attendant. She is hoping to find work in Canada if we go back there. Crossroads: I'm 26 and my girlfriend is 28. One part of me feels like I'm ready to propose to her and move back to Canada. I know we are great together and I don't want to lose her. However, another part of me feels like I still have so much to do in life before settling down. I want to travel more, I'm still unsure of my career path (currently I'm teaching but I'm not sure that's what I want to do forever) and I've got students loans to pay back. I don't want to be selfish and keep holding onto this girl if I know I'm not ready to marry. Its not fair for her to deal with the stress of lying to her parents and the only reason she is living in Korea right now is because of me (she would rather be living abroad working). I've been trying to weigh the pros and cons of marrying this girl, but its such a difficult choice. Any advice or thoughts to help me decide would be much appreciated. Thanks!
thetroublewithme Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I think the deadline is creating pressure and clouding your thoughts. Why don't you just talk to her about it, say you are not ready to marry yet but still want to continue the relationship. She can come move to Canada with you. Relationships don't mean settling down. You guys don't have to be married and have kids. You can still travel together and apart sometimes. 2 years is for many too soon for marriage.
Joaquin Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 And IMO, two years is plenty of time to know if you want to marry a girl. You just sound like you have other priorities but Are basically trying to work out if you can have it all.
Author tom.adkins99 Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 @thetroublewithme: And thats the thing - she is not looking to have kids and she loves traveling too. But her dream is to be a flight attendant, and in order for her to find work in Canada - its makes things much easier if we were married. Obviously this isn't a major reason to get married, but it plays a factor regardless. @Joaquin: I agree 2 years is enough time. My heart says I would be foolish to not marry this girl, but my head says that there is too much uncertainty in my life when it comes to having the money and career stability to get married. I can see how it looks like I'm trying to have it all, but I'm just trying to be realistic.
KraftDinner Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 If you really wanted to be with her, I think you would be totally scared of losing her at the end of your contract. Instead you're scared of being locked down to her. You have legitimate reasons (money, career, student loans) but these things are hardly insurmountable. Honestly, I feel that's your answer. There is nothing wrong with feeling what you are feeling. But if you wanted to be with her forever you would be asking, how do I set up a life with the woman i want to be with? Not asking if you should be with her. Do everyone a favour and be honest with her. The worst thing in thw world imho is stringing someone along, esp if they are thinking of uprooting their life to be with you. Good luck.
edgygirl Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I used to be like you. Left possibly the love of my life thinking I had other things to do and I had to do them by myself, that he would get in my way. I did those things. Did I feel happier for doing them? Not really. 10 years of traveling... Most alone (not that fun). Got my career where I wanted more or less (no one to celebrate my victories with). Dated around and never met anyone closely awesome and caring and a good partner as he was. I changed my mind about the whole thing. You can have it all WHILE with someone. They can be your cheerleader while you're getting all the things that you want. I know it's scary and you're thinking if you're having doubts she might not be the one but please remember this is not always the case.
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