kazuma Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 (edited) Hi! I will start with some background story: I'm a single 29 year old "hopeless romantic" and I take relationships seriously. I've only been in one relationship and that only lasted 2 years. I'm not the type to go "dating" because I prefer to be friends with someone before I start a relationship with them, which is radically different from 99.9% of the population. Further issues lie in the fact that I'm shy, introverted (so it takes me a while to open up) and I do not have any social/conversation skills -- I am not exaggerating in the slightest; I grew up having no friends and no one to talk to all the way until I was in high school, where I finally had a few friends. I also never had any women become interested in me except for the one woman I was in a 2 yr relationship with I was 26... I'm really at a lost as to what I need to do. I don't want to end up single forever. The composite social issues I have and my differing views on relationships forces me to rely on my personality and traits but the problem is women don't even seem to want to become friends with me (the very few times I tried) or seem interested in getting to know me...maybe because the ones I am interested in can sense it a mile away and push me away because they expect the "norm" when it comes to a guy??? Does anyone have any insight or know what I can do to change my luck around? Edit: More info about me: I'm a 6'3" Asian American with a fit/slim build. My hobbies are really....different when compared to the majority: archery, martial arts, lifting weights, and music to name a few. I'm also don't drink alcohol except for wine. Even my musical interest are different because I love listening to instrumental music (classical, modern/classical piano and violin, orchestral). I can't seem to relate to anyone I meet -- it's crazy. Edited May 19, 2013 by kazuma
USMCHokie Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Further issues lie in the fact that I'm shy, introverted (so it takes me a while to open up) and I do not have any social/conversation skills -- I am not exaggerating in the slightest; I grew up having no friends and no one to talk to all the way until I was in high school, where I finally had a few friends. Does anyone have any insight or know what I can do to change my luck around? Fix the bolded above. If you want to catch fish, you have to learn how to fish. The fish aren't going to jump into the boat for you. Edit: More info about me: I'm a 6'3" Asian American with a fit/slim build. My hobbies are really....different when compared to the majority: archery, martial arts, and music to name a few. I'm also don't drink alcohol except for wine. Even my musical interest are different because I love listening to instrumental music (classical, modern/classical piano and violin, orchestral). I can't seem to relate to anyone I meet -- it's crazy. Get less slim. Use your height to your advantage. 2
Author kazuma Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 It's not like I can magically fix my social/conversation skills. I've been working on it for a long time and much hasn't improved. I missed out on, what, 15 years of social interaction that people got when they grew up. Even now, I don't have much friends; making friends is still something I don't understand and don't know how to do. I've been trying to gain weight/muscle for the past half-year or so but I have a high metabolism (hard-gainer) so it's taking me a long time. I eat a ton, eat clean and lift heavy weights but I'm getting there slowly.
USMCHokie Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 It's not like I can magically fix my social/conversation skills. I've been working on it for a long time and much hasn't improved. I missed out on, what, 15 years of social interaction that people got when they grew up. Even now, I don't have much friends; making friends is still something I don't understand and don't know how to do. It's not magic. It's hard work and effort; social communication and interaction is a skill, no different from studying an academic subject or learning a new hobby. And you have to treat is as a skill. Read books on communication. Study the art of social interaction. And then go practice that art. Train like you would in any of your hobbies like archery or martial arts. I've been trying to gain weight/muscle for the past half-year or so but I have a high metabolism (hard-gainer) so it's taking me a long time. I eat a ton, eat clean and lift heavy weights but I'm getting there slowly. Keep at it. It takes time. 3
Firehead94 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 hey at least youve been into a serious relationship before. If youve been into one before, chances are that you prob will again in the future. For people like me who havent ever been into a serious relationship at 19, chances are slim. You still have hope so dont give up. Btw youre hobbies are amazing. Continue doing them and get real good at it and maybe youll get girls that way. I skateboard and i met some female friends before who skateboard cuz we share common interests. So maybe look for girls with common interests. Good luck Btw, are you japanese? Because I am
nickkelly9 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Fellow hard gainer, nice!! Ectomorphs 4 Life!! I see a pattern. It's something I've noticed for a while. Girls will take a short, fat dude who sweats just from walking down the block over a skinny guy any day of the week, ANY day of the week. Women wants to feel like when their fathers held them or put them on his lap. Bags of bones such as ourselves (before we all got tired and started eating 4,000 calories and lifting heavy weights) have no chance. Skinny is much worse than fat when it comes to men's attractiveness.
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