Author youngnlove89 Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 Well every other guy you've been with has most likely slept with other women after you. You got over that..you'll get over this too. Eventually it won't matter. Very true. Good point. I got over them, I can get over this one. It's weird, looking back I don't remember the pain and hurt from those breakups.
ThatJustHappened Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Very true. Good point. I got over them, I can get over this one. It's weird, looking back I don't remember the pain and hurt from those breakups. Of course you don't..because you don't feel it anymore. I don't remember why it hurt so bad when my other exes and I broke up anymore either. I have an old ex trying to come back into my life right now. 4 years ago I would have given ANYTHING for him to say all the things he's saying and do all the things he's doing right now (dumb@ss even sent me a plane ticket to Hawaii). But now I just find it sad and vaguely repulsive. I can honestly say that after spending the better part of 5 years desperately loving this man and wishing he would commit to me, right now I cannot remember why I ever even cared. He's just so wrong for me.
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 Of course you don't..because you don't feel it anymore. I don't remember why it hurt so bad when my other exes and I broke up anymore either. I have an old ex trying to come back into my life right now. 4 years ago I would have given ANYTHING for him to say all the things he's saying and do all the things he's doing right now (dumb@ss even sent me a plane ticket to Hawaii). But now I just find it sad and vaguely repulsive. I can honestly say that after spending the better part of 5 years desperately loving this man and wishing he would commit to me, right now I cannot remember why I ever even cared. He's just so wrong for me. Wow. Crazy huh? I had an ex come back too a year later asking for my hand in marriage. I was like HELL NO. I was so over him. And I wondered what I ever saw in him. Weird! Hopefully that will be the case with my recent ex, I'll wonder why I stuck around so long. I can't wait to meet the guy I'm supposed to be with, the guy that can commit to me and love me forever.
ThatJustHappened Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Wow. Crazy huh? I had an ex come back too a year later asking for my hand in marriage. I was like HELL NO. I was so over him. And I wondered what I ever saw in him. Weird! Hopefully that will be the case with my recent ex, I'll wonder why I stuck around so long. I can't wait to meet the guy I'm supposed to be with, the guy that can commit to me and love me forever. You'll get there.
KatZee Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I think you are going through a slightly different scenario than the OP and I did... Not all exes were terrible to us while we were together. Leigh, YnL's ex SUCKED. Big time. He was not good while they were together.
Leigh 87 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Leigh, YnL's ex SUCKED. Big time. He was not good while they were together. I just read the post or two about it......... oh my:sick:
Leigh 87 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Wow. Crazy huh? I had an ex come back too a year later asking for my hand in marriage. I was like HELL NO. I was so over him. And I wondered what I ever saw in him. Weird! Hopefully that will be the case with my recent ex, I'll wonder why I stuck around so long. I can't wait to meet the guy I'm supposed to be with, the guy that can commit to me and love me forever. I seriously thought my ex was going to love me forever lol..... At the time it really felt like he would.
aisuru Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Wow. Crazy huh? I had an ex come back too a year later asking for my hand in marriage. I was like HELL NO. I was so over him. And I wondered what I ever saw in him. Weird! Hopefully that will be the case with my recent ex, I'll wonder why I stuck around so long. I can't wait to meet the guy I'm supposed to be with, the guy that can commit to me and love me forever. And I promise you, some day you will wonder why the heck you were all upset over this guy. Now, lady, stop thinking these self destructive thoughts. You know better! You're sending yourself through the cycle again, imagining the worst, and then you're going to contact him out of fear, and then he's going to reject you again, and then you're going to be hurt a lot more than you are right now. Why are you tearing yourself down like this? You must take your value back. How are you going to do that? I know you have a gazillion excuses for not doing it, but therapy. You really could benefit from some therapy. Not to get through the breakup so much as to avoid ever getting into this type of relationship again. I pay $60 per therapy session in Los Angeles. I used to pay $0 per session through a private program (not insurance). I know you can find cheap/free therapy in Arizona if you really wanted it. I know this pain and agony and rejection is what you know, but it's tearing you down my friend. And it's going to make you easy prey for the next A-hole to run you through this exact same scenario. You deserve better than that.
grace777 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Back to the original question - I can remember when I realized my ex and her new lover were sleeping together too. It sickened me that it was not long after our breakup. I felt like someone had just ripped my stomach out from my chest, deflated my lungs and was continuously constricting my heart. Not dramatic at all, right? Ha, but I'm not exaggerating. That's exactly how I felt for about a week straight. Then there would be these intense rushes of panic - as though if I said/did something, I could stop the madness. The rushes became less frequent, and the vital organ demolishing also went away. To be honest, I'm seven months post bu and I do not allow the thought to enter my mind. Even as I type this, I have a detachement to the subject. I will say, that you won't think about it anymore, after some additional time passes. Isn't it annoying, how everyone in our lives keep saying "give it time"? It's even more annoying that they're right. For me, meaningless and unconnected sex would just make me feel like crap about myself and what I settled for. That's just my opinion though. Everyone has to do what's right for their own healing path. Good luck to you. It's not easy, but it won't always be this hard. 1
Larry56 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I seriously thought my ex was going to love me forever lol..... At the time it really felt like he would. Take it day to day. Don't force the issue so much. Go look at one of my threads on a simple technique to let go and force your body to return to normalcy. I think you are seeing this guy through rose-tinted glasses. Yeah OK, men watch porn. It's the truth. Buuuuut I'll tell you the difference between him and I. I've seen a pro when I was single once a long time ago. I didn't ask for sex I just wanted oral. Did I enjoy myself? HELL NO!!...and I'm a Guy! and I came away feeling empty and swore to never do that again! (which I never did) (btw Prostitution is decriminalized in my country) Soo...the thing is that there is a chance that you're ex actually has a problem that he isn't dealing with and you are being far too forgiving of him at this point. But under these circumstances I understand you are feeling incredibly lonely and just want to be with him.
Leigh 87 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Yeah Larry, like the OP"S ex, my ex also had that awful side to him. Although he was wonderful to me besides his disgusting thing with hookers. The OP says her ex was a nice person; yet treated her terribly from the sound of things! I honestly... yeah I do not relate to the OP in that regard. My ex made it clear he was crazy about me and loved me a lot. I do think he needs help though, in seeing how gross hookers really are. On the bright side - he did say the last time he did it, that " wow since I now know what it is like to have sex with a girl I am in love with, I do not feel like going back to a hooker again" And he didn't. Who knows what he will be like from now on? You know, much to my annoyance, I am sure the next time he falls in love he will realise that love is so much better than using hookers, that I doubt he will do it again with a girl he loves. I guess I was his bloody guinea pig and now he can see the error of his ways:mad::mad: Anyway. I am seeing a psychologist next week and from then on. This is WAY too painful for me to deal with, even though I have friends I an always talk to and also my mum. Maybe the OP could benefit from therapy too? Personally, my head knows he is gone for ever, by my HEART and body still cannot accept it.
suladas Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 (edited) It does suck, for a while to deal with it I was in denial about it happening, but realized later that was just no good. The BEST thing by far is to know as little as possible, and just forget them, if you are fortunate enough to be able to. My ex lives next door and seeing her with someone new use to hurt so dahm bad and as I said for a while I just told myself they weren't having sex. After a while I accepted it, but any time I seen them together or happened to notice his car my heart sank. But I did notice each time it hurt a little bit less and less, a few times not at all actually. Even thought by that point I had had sex with someone new, that didn't help me at all thinking about her with someone new still hurt a lot. It was tough to accept, the toughest thing. I can see them together and think if they are better together and work out, i'm happy for them, that doesn't bother me. The sex part, and well constantly having to see them together is what has sucked the most, it keeps reminding me i'm still single and doubt it will change any time soon. Unfortunately as much as it has improved, it still hurts some of the time. Sadly it's been 10 months since the BU..... Edited May 20, 2013 by suladas
crimsoncurrent Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I know exactly what you're talking about. Even after 4 months of NC, during the nights, I get this sickening feeling that my ex is having sex with someone that she's already fallen in love with. It's really difficult to think of that, imagining your ex enjoying themselves with someone else sexually, while you're suffering. In fact, I responded to this post because tonight I had similar feeling like yours. It's a haunting feeling, really. Sorry to say, but you're going to continue to have these feelings for some time. They might not always be as intense as you're experiencing now, but off and on, at random moments, you'll think and feel them. It's just trauma.
crazy1234 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 i get this feeling too..on and off..the only difference is ur not sure..and i know he does sleep with the girl he left me for..so yes love..there r worst things happening around.I felt it too when i saw him with the same girl..it made me sick to my stomach..theres nothing u can do bt take it easy..take deep breaths..puke for real if u have to...at the end of the day u'r going to b okay. 1
suladas Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Yep it is worse when you KNOW it is happening. I never had any thoughts of it until I actually had evidence she was with someone new, and that is the only time it bothers me.
crazy1234 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 its okay even if its not okay right?theres nothing we can do abt it..its obvious they will sleep with some1 or the other one day or another..so yeah..i think we are the ones who need to stand up and let it go..and sink it deep down..for never again to rise..it hurts like hell..bt one step at a time should help us get through each day slowly and steadily:)
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