youngnlove89 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I just had this gut feeling that my ex is going to sleep with someone soon, like tonight soon. I don't know why, but I just feel it. It made me sick, my stomach is churning and I feel like I'm going to puke. I can't fathom him sleeping with someone else other than me. I know it's the inevitable, but I can't help feeling this way! Why is this happening to me? Following that feeling I had this strong urge to contact him, but I didn't and I'm not going to. I have turned off my phone, hid it, and went into another room. I don't want to contact him because I know he will just ignore it and I'll regret it later. (see, I've learned my lesson) BUT, how do I get over that feeling of him sleeping with someone else? How do you guys do it? (Please be nice Katzee and the rest of you)
USMCHokie Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 BUT, how do I get over that feeling of him sleeping with someone else? Time. The sick feeling that you describe is just part of the process. Waking up each morning, you'll feel a little less attached to the past. 2
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 Another thing, I haven't been "Miss Perfect" either. I have been talking to some prospective guys, but I still haven't acted on anything because I'm not comfortable with it yet. I have exchanged some dirty texts and pictures here and there too, I don't know why I did it, I was just in the mood and the guys were good looking. So why should I care what my ex is doing if I'm doing it too, right? But I still do care! Today this guy gave me his number at the pool and asked if I would want to go out on a date tomorrow. I don't know if I'll go because I'm just not there yet. But it was nice to know that I'm still profitable Anyways, even though I'm out there too and will eventually sleep with someone else one day, it still bothers me that he will too.
Leigh 87 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Ugh I feel for you. I too, am going to have to deal with exactly what you dealing with soon. I am sure I will get that "gut feeling" that yes he has moved on... and ONTO other women again:mad: Like you said: it IS inevitable. I mean.. they are not going to be abstinent without us! It will sting, it will suck, but the reality is: you can only sit there and live your life. However: refraining from calling or texting him, and maintaining no contact even when you are wanting to reach out the most, WILL help you move on more and more, as time goes by. This is the real test! NC is HARD. Even harder, is maintaining NC through the milestones, such as him sleeping with other people. I am so sorry about this, it is just awful and it will just plain hurt us. Geez I CAN'T WAIT for my ex to sleep with someone else again. UGH...:(:mad::mad:
Leigh 87 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Another thing, I haven't been "Miss Perfect" either. I have been talking to some prospective guys, but I still haven't acted on anything because I'm not comfortable with it yet. I have exchanged some dirty texts and pictures here and there too, I don't know why I did it, I was just in the mood and the guys were good looking. So why should I care what my ex is doing if I'm doing it too, right? But I still do care! Today this guy gave me his number at the pool and asked if I would want to go out on a date tomorrow. I don't know if I'll go because I'm just not there yet. But it was nice to know that I'm still profitable Anyways, even though I'm out there too and will eventually sleep with someone else one day, it still bothers me that he will too. Your very pretty. Your young. At least you know that there are plenty of guys out there for you!
McDonald Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I know my ex is sleepin with her new bf. well, I shouldn't say new anymore they have been dating since we broke up. So 5 months. Anyway, I know she sleeps with him every night. And it bothered me at first too. It bothers me now. Yet, it's just something you have to accept because one day you will too. --- and will also find another, true, lover. Just don't drive yourself crazy looking for someone else. That's what I am going through. I are her having fun on weekends and then there's me staying home sat night. That's what hurts the most right now. No emotions attached, more of an ego thing. It could be different from a girls point of view. It doesn't matter what you feel About it. If he is sleeping with someone tonight, then he is. He could have last night too or the night before. The point it, what he does now, DOES NOT concern you at all. What's de you think of this on the first place? Did anything being this thought into your head?
LoveB86 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 My ex was a horndog with me and I always gave in. So, with his new gf, I know they did. Probably did while he was w/ me. Heard she spends the night every night with him, something I never did, so I know their banging. What bothers me is he would think she was the "best gf in the world" because she did something I didn't do and that's spending the night w/ him. 2 things I have a problem with: 1- She already spending the night within the first weeks of knowing him. What the hell? Did she really think she knows him? 2- He lives with his parents and siblings still. We are adults here, but I could not imagine spending the night knowing his sister (23yo) stills walks into his room like nothing. Apparently he thought he had some advantage to getting over me. But imo, I dated a loser who didn't deserve me AT ALL. You worried about your ex sleeping with someone else? I am worrying and stressing over why I was such a idiot to consider someone like him.
Leigh 87 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 My ex was a horndog with me and I always gave in. So, with his new gf, I know they did. Probably did while he was w/ me. Heard she spends the night every night with him, something I never did, so I know their banging. What bothers me is he would think she was the "best gf in the world" because she did something I didn't do and that's spending the night w/ him. 2 things I have a problem with: 1- She already spending the night within the first weeks of knowing him. What the hell? Did she really think she knows him? 2- He lives with his parents and siblings still. We are adults here, but I could not imagine spending the night knowing his sister (23yo) stills walks into his room like nothing. Apparently he thought he had some advantage to getting over me. But imo, I dated a loser who didn't deserve me AT ALL. You worried about your ex sleeping with someone else? I am worrying and stressing over why I was such a idiot to consider someone like him. I think you are going through a slightly different scenario than the OP and I did... Not all exes were terrible to us while we were together. It would shock and sting me a lot if my ex hooked up with a girl within a month or two of us breaking up, as he acted like he really loved me when we were together. It would be a surprise if he is already ready to sleep and date others this early on. I do not question why I was wish my ex, as you did. What I will experience though, is the pain of him sleeping with someone knew in the near future. That, we will then share.... It hurts both ways: having an ex leave you for someone else and having to deal right away with the pain OR, your ex leaving you on good terms, saying that still love you and will not want to be with other women soon, and THEN eventually getting around to sleeping with another women... Either way it hurts, although I guess you processed it earlier, where as I am going to have to deal with it later.
USMCHokie Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 What bothers me is he would think she was the "best gf in the world" because she did something I didn't do and that's spending the night w/ him. So she's a better match for him. Life goes on. 3
delayedreaction Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I know what your feeling because I've been there, am there but I've come to look at it a few different ways and they all make me feel a little better. It's a blow to your ego. I don't know your situation but my bf broke up with me, had a list of reasons really but still told me that he loved me and wanted to be with me and I really wanted to believe that. So when the possibility of him sleeping with someone else comes up, it hurts because how could he if he still loved me? How could he even dream of sleeping with someone else if he was hurting too? On top of being dumped, I also had to feel the rejection all over again when it feels like his words were lies and he wants someone else. Two, guys deal with things differently. Not all guys granted but a lot of them jump into sleeping with other people pretty damn quickly as a way to try and move on. More likely than not it doesn't mean anything other than he doesn't know how else to deal with the loss of the relationship. Guys don't tend to talk it out, over and over with they're friends and if they're anything like the guys I know, his friends are probably telling him it's the best way. I once heard a guy friend tell another guy friend that the best way to make sure you don't go back to the girl he was dating was to start dating/sleeping with someone else. A lot of people, especially guys can separate feelings and sex and can have sex with someone even if they're in love with someone else. And three, it just plain sucks when even though you no longer want to be in the relationship yourself for whatever your reason is, you still can't even imagine dating someone else, let alone sleep with someone else. Still the thought that he can and might is just irritating and feels unfair that while your hurting and healing in the best way for you which is to not automatically jump into something else, he can date and sleep with other people. Have fun and seemingly move on very easily. Which just plain sucks because who doesn't want to be the first person to move on and be happy? Not sure if any of this helped. I'm absolutely not saying that any of what I said is norm for guys. They are just things that I have noticed in my situation and have helped me from not getting stuck in feeling horrible about what he's doing now that we aren't together. I just try to think of reason's why it bothers me so much and if it even really has anything to do with my feelings for him or if it's just me treating myself unfairly because it bruises my ego or because it just feels plain unfair, you know? 1
cinta_satu Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 BUT, how do I get over that feeling of him sleeping with someone else? If you find a way please let me know. I've been waking up every morning with the sick feeling of thinking about the girl i loved and treated like a princess and was my best friend being intimate with another guy 2 months after a 3 year RS. I know these thoughts only set us back, but there's no way to purge my mind of them. I can't help thinking she's going to marry this guy.
iouaname Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I'm not going to advocate slutting yourself around, at all, but I know that what helped me get over those thoughts was the fact that just a few months after we had broken up, I had already done just about everything I was agonizing over him doing
siankat Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 (edited) I just had this gut feeling that my ex is going to sleep with someone soon, like tonight soon. I don't know why, but I just feel it. It made me sick, my stomach is churning and I feel like I'm going to puke. I can't fathom him sleeping with someone else other than me. I know it's the inevitable, but I can't help feeling this way! Why is this happening to me? Following that feeling I had this strong urge to contact him, but I didn't and I'm not going to. I have turned off my phone, hid it, and went into another room. I don't want to contact him because I know he will just ignore it and I'll regret it later. (see, I've learned my lesson) BUT, how do I get over that feeling of him sleeping with someone else? How do you guys do it? (Please be nice Katzee and the rest of you) Was he great in bed?! You could imagine that the girl he sleeps with is really disappointed in all aspects of his love making Then, when you think she fills all the gaps you couldn't? That is just your imagination going wild. You know what all your exes thought was amazing about you? Imagine she has NONE of those qualities and rather than you not having what she has, it's the other way around. If you post this much, in this way, are you a bit of a dramatist? mildly neurotic? a die hard romantic? something like that? if so, you need a man from a cultural back ground who is used to and can handle that with ease Edited May 19, 2013 by siankat 1
David-H Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I just had this gut feeling that my ex is going to sleep with someone soon, like tonight soon. I don't know why, but I just feel it. It made me sick, my stomach is churning and I feel like I'm going to puke. I can't fathom him sleeping with someone else other than me. I know it's the inevitable, but I can't help feeling this way! Why is this happening to me? Following that feeling I had this strong urge to contact him, but I didn't and I'm not going to. Two months ago (feels like 2 days) I had a weird nervous stomach feeling for days and thought what is this?? Realised it came about with the thought of her with someone else, then like a dumb s**t one night I checked her FB page I had previously removed and saw she was with another guy. I went from dealing with the break up well to full freak out mode and I'm still getting over it. Whatever you do stick to your guns and do not view any social media, contact or do anything else like that. In all likelihood he is not with anyone and probably won't be for a while, but if you find anything out it will not do anything but hurt you and cause you pain. Ignorance is bliss, if I could turn back time I would slap myself hard in the face and not go near anything that would make me find anything out about her now. 2
Leigh 87 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Lol to help me stomach it, I imagine the next girl he is with farts during sex and doesn't wash herself down there. Seriously! Whenever my mind thinks of the inevitable, I turn it into a funny thought. 2
McGriff Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I know what you're going through! I've had to deal with this a couple times in the last year. First, it was my ex wife I was married to for 14 years. She got into a long distance relationship about 4 months after the divorce, and when she flew out to see him I KNEW what was going to happen. I completely freaked out. Couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't work, couldn't think about anything else...it was torture! I feared the nights, because I couldn't help thinking what she was probably doing right at that moment. Hurt like hell, even though I was happy with the divorce. I even went out and slept with somebody else, and while it temporarily helped me, the pain was still there. It took me a couple months to get over that, but of course now I'm completely over it. I got into a new relationship with my most recent ex, and my ex wife went through the same thing! Haha---she called me all freaking out...I will admit, I gotta lot of satisfaction out of that frantic phone call. I had to deal with it again with most recent ex, but with experience, while it hurt, it didn't crush me. And once again, I've been with a couple people since, and it eases the pain slightly. I know it's different for guys, but I would suggest a meaningless roll in the hay with the best looking guy you can find. It will ease your pain, and build your self confidence.
Leigh 87 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I think it is always best if you just don't ask and don't know once they have been intimate with others. You know they will and that is what your mourning, with the NC - your accepting that yes they will hook up with new people. By cutting all contact I know that once I start NC properly, I may get gut feelings, but they will pass and I will move onto someone new.
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 Unfortunately, my ex was damn good in bed. We had so much fun. Sometimes he would say that is the best sex I've ever had. But I don't know if guys just say that or what. Anyways, I pondered the idea of sleeping with someone else and to be honest, I've done that before and it made matters worse for me. The new guy either sucked in bed or I just realized there is no chemistry or romance between this stranger and I that it just wasn't the same. I think KNOWING that I could go out and sleep with any guy if I wanted to, helps an eensy weensy bit. I could do exactly what he is doing, but instead I'm coping with my feelings differently. I don't want to jump in bed with someone else, give them my most intimate parts and let them have their way with me. Maybe for some that works, but for me it feels like I'm "deminimizing" myself. What I miss most is the connection, the intimacy and the love. You can't just get that with a guy you barely know. I took benadryl last night and it knocked me out because I didn't feel like thinking about it anymore. My friend gave me some Xanax too. I haven't taken any yet. And then last night I had a dream about him reaching out and saying he missed me and this heart break was hard for him and he can't get over the fact that I might sleep with someone else. I know I had that dream because I was over-thinking too much. But how evil of my mind! haha Well, if I had sex last night, the worst is ever. So far today is okay. 1
Leigh 87 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I Hope the dreams stop for me:( I have them every fcking night. Then I wake up and it still feels like I am stuck in some nightmare. And hmm my ex was a tad lazy in bed and did not have a sky high sex drive like myself, although he does love sex, he is not an every day for two year type of guy. I hope she new girl sucks:mad: He hates snail trails (one girls). I hope she has one of those:mad: RANT.
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 I Hope the dreams stop for me:( I have them every fcking night. Then I wake up and it still feels like I am stuck in some nightmare. And hmm my ex was a tad lazy in bed and did not have a sky high sex drive like myself, although he does love sex, he is not an every day for two year type of guy. I hope she new girl sucks:mad: He hates snail trails (one girls). I hope she has one of those:mad: RANT. Well all we can do from here on I guess is just suck it up, live with it and move forward. Think the worst and move on from it. If she is good in bed, oh well. We will be great in bed with the next guy. I just don't want to be in the dumps over him. So far my weekend has been very productive and today my friend that I've known since elementary is coming down to visit. He just went through a break up also after 2 years. So we are going to hangout and have fun and get our minds off of our ex's! 1
Leigh 87 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Yep I hung out with a girl who also cut her boyfriend off too, after a rocky relationship with him being a jerk. I also talked to my best friend who has also lost a really really great love before and was just as upset as I am now. He is now 40 and it still brings a tear to his eye. It is great to have someone to talk about it to without them caring. For now though, I will try to stop talking about HIM altogether. I am still in shock and think I need therapy ASAP to deal with the loss, as I am really having trouble processing it. I was THAT in love with him. The very least we can do though, is sometime soon, we should probably stop talking about them.. *sigh.. And wish that their next hook ups have bad B.O. Just for laughs:lmao:
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 (edited) I just had this crazy urge to text him again. Why? Well, a week ago I told him that I met someone else (lie) and that I wish him the best (also another lie) and that he should be happy for me (which I hope he wouldn't, because then he'd care). So, I'm driving to Starbucks and I'm thinking that I have to text him that I lied and I really am not seeing someone just in case for some dumb reason that would be the reason why he isn't trying to contact me. How eluded can I be? I try to phone my mom (no answer), my friend (he answered, but was busy) and my other friend (no answer). I gave up on trying to contact people, threw my phone and realized that the only person I have is myself to depend on in times of despair. I'm the only person who will be there 100%, 24/7. And now I'm here...trying to stay strong. I CANNOT CONTACT HIM. I NEED TO GET IN MY HEAD THAT IT IS OVER. NO MATTER WHAT I SAY OR DO, IT WON'T BRING HIM BACK. Edited May 19, 2013 by youngnlove89
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 Was he your first? No, he was like the 14th. haha
ThatJustHappened Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Well every other guy you've been with has most likely slept with other women after you. You got over that..you'll get over this too. Eventually it won't matter.
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