where to start Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 It's been a little while since I've posted on here. In that time my husband and I have been making an attempt at reconciliation. It's only been about 2 months since I was notified about his affair and from what I can tell things are right on schedule. He seems to be doing all the things he should to prove to me that he wants to stay, and I have been letting him. I'm doing my best not to ask for too much since I think that what he does on his own without being prompted is what speaks to me the loudest. The reason I've come here tonight is to find out how other betrayed spouses handled their first anniversary after discovering the affair? Our 9th anniversary is coming up in the next few weeks and to be honest, I'm scared.
anne1707 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I am a fWS who has successfully reconciled just so you know where I am coming from. Our anniversary was a similar length of time after dday. In those first few months especially, you are still feeling very vulnerable and emotionally drained and it is difficult to know what to do at times. You get mixed up between the what you want to do, what you feel you should do and what you used to do. In the end we celebrated our anniversary. It was different to previous years but we saw it as a time to acknowledge that we still loved each other and that we wanted to be together. This was at a time when we were still pretty much taking things one day at a time and there was a lot of work to be done (MC and IC were to follow). How do you feel about the anniversary? You say scared but what do you mean by this exactly? Would you like to acknowledge it or celebrate it in some form? Or would you rather let it pass over this year? What feels right for you?
Betrayed&Stayed Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 (edited) The first post d-day anniversary was 6 months post D-day. We spent it with the kids going to an outdoor concert. The second post d-day anniversary we went out to breakfast, and it was low key. After that I gave up on anniversaries. They were too hard not to be reminded of the broken vows. We eventually picked a new date to be our anniversary. It's the anniversary of our "second" marriage. Edited May 20, 2013 by Betrayed&Stayed 2
NotCamelot Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 We eventually picked a new date to be our anniversary. It's the anniversary of our "second" marriage. Did the same thing... works better for us..since she spent part of our anniversary day with him last year...........I won't forget that......so a new day....
leonine Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Our anniversary was about four months after dday. I asked my BH if I could do something big for it and he agreed. I arranged for a weekend away and it was really great for both of us. We reclaimed the day and made it special again. Our next anniversary will be our 11th of the old marriage and first of the new one.
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