los_pantalons_fancie Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I'm 30, she's 22. We've been dating for almost a year, 10 months of it long distance till she moved across the country for me a couple of months ago. The story of how we met is fantastic and romantic. We're both academics in the same field. She's beautiful, extremely loving, dedicated, intelligent, successful, and loyal. Sometimes I feel she would do anything for me, and I for her. Our relationship was both passionate and very rocky. I'm pretty insane, and she's pretty unmanagable. My insanity is a combination of emotional neediness, need for intense connection, and being very particular. Her unamanagableness can be explained by her age --- she used to be until recently a party girl, sounds like a valley girl, and acts like a stupid and immature sorority girl at times. This is in spite of her shrewd intellect and great academic pedigree, which is a shock to anyone who every hears her talk. Increasingly since she moved in with me, and a little before then even, I've grown frustrated with her. She sounds too dumb, acts too immature, and takes being social to an annoying extreme. I, on the other hand, am a loner by nature, and keep to myself, even though I have the social skills necessary to do otherwise. She loves that about me. She is dedicated: Every time I complain about something, she eventually promises to change it because I am her top priority, but with mixed results in the end. However, over time I've become frustrated with the things she can't change -- the things that are part of who she is. Her valley girl affectations, her aversion to intelligent debate of ideas, her aversion to having her beliefs challenged by me, her obsession with making new friends, and her simplistic ideas and thoughts on issues of the day. Today, it all came to a head after she did something thoughtless and careless, though ultimately quite harmless. It was a straw that broke the camel's back, and I broke up with her in dramatic fashion. I kicked her out of my apartment, and told her I never want to see her again. She's upset, but I know that she loves me so intensely that she will come back if I make an effort to fix it. But I don't know if I want to... My question is: is this worth saving, or should I let this breakup stand? Lately I've lost attraction to her, I've been averse to having her touch me, I've harbored feelings of resentment towards her, and I've been generally feeling trapped in this relationship. She, on the other hand, has been overly affectionate, and trying extremely hard to fix the relationship, which I found at times irritating. However, on paper she is my perfect match --- before we met, she was the girl of my dreams in many respects, and I've never found someone who loves me so much, was so dedicated to me, and with who'm I've shared so much in the way of experiences and intimacy in my 30 years of life. I worry that, realistically, she is the best I can possibly find in this lifetime, and I'm throwing it away for an uncertain future. On the other hand, I don't _feel_ happy or content with her, despite feeling attached to her emotionally. I'm not sure what to do...
lemonadekiwi Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Don't bother...you don't want to be with her otherwise you wouldn't have broke up with her and had all these issues with her personality. You aren't a match. If you do attempt to get back with her - tbh it comes across that you're only doing it for your own ego. Not because you genuinely want her. Move on and find someone more compatible
siankat Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 yeah there is a difference between being book smart and wanting thought provoking discussion. If you liked her due to these differences then great. But u just don't. U will miss the idea of her, but not the reality of her. Someone without all those ticked could make you happier so ... which do u value more, the box ticking or the reality of a happy relationship with someone regardless of how it manifests itself?
Author los_pantalons_fancie Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 Thanks guys. I guess the hardest part in this case is the fact that we had such amazing experiences together. This was by far my most passionate and intimate relationship I've ever had, and I've never been loved so much by anyone, not even close. The nicknames, songs, and inside jokes we built are just a masterpiece of adorableness, and I can't imagine losing all that now. The realization that I may be throwing all that away for a future with nothing comparable is frightening, and makes me want to patch things up. I don't know...
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