mfleck91 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I've had a couple women do this to me as well. I don't think it's confined to the male gender.
mortensorchid Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I can partly answer that question. I think we have been so bombarded with talk shows and pop psychology that we are encouraged to share everything about ourselves no matter how embarrassing it may or may not be. People have become used to sharing anything and everything about themselves, and we do at first. On my part, I have learned the hard way that we cannot do this because people will take information about you (even trivial things like "my favorite color is blue") and use it against you. Second, I think some guys suffer from narcissim and they are not used to having a woman asked to be treated with some more respect than they are used to from the trashy and/or loser girls they seem to encounter and go for or end up with.
USMCHokie Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I understand what you are saying about projection, but isn't it a bit odd that someone should assume you are attracted because they are? It's a wonderful way of thinking, if so. I wish I thought like that. I have too many doubts about my own attractiveness to ever assume a guy would feel the same as I did. Ok, brace yourself for this one...this attitude is what people like to refer to as....wait for it..... "Confidence." :eek: 3
Author spiderowl Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Ok, brace yourself for this one...this attitude is what people like to refer to as....wait for it..... "Confidence." :eek: Yes, I guess so. It's something I don't feel myself. It is irrational though.
ascendotum Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 No, I'm no stunner or anything, just average, or even below average. Why would that make much difference anyway? Guys just seem to assume all will go as they wish/are thinking, almost as if I'm not an independent person with a mind of my own. You bet it makes a difference for plenty of guys. For many guys, finding a girl that is attractive / has sex appeal is 4/5 of the attraction equation. Its base specs taken care off when it comes to qualifying for their gf requirement, especially any desperate guys. OLD will have more of these guys there than IRL. As for being forward with pushing to get together...some are desperate, some are pussy hounds (they want you for a gf..just very short term). Many girls will just go out and end up in a relationship with the more assertive guy. This aggressive style has paid off for them in the past or else they've become that way out of desperation/frustration.
BluEyeL Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I really don't understand the OPs problem and didn't come across it so much. How is it that the "assume" that you are interested. If you reply to them, it means you are, as much as you can be, if not, you're not. I don't know what kind of sites you're using. Stop using the free sites.
Esoteric Elf Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Why do guys assume that if they are physically attracted to a photo of you that you must be to them? Unlike girls who are repeatedly told they are beautiful, pretty, cute, etc. guys get substantially less, if any at all, feedback. By you giving feedback like that, you may even be giving the first positive feedback that guy has had, and, thus, he jumps necessarily and mistakenly to a conclusion. 1
crederer Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 It sounds to me that you're making many assumptions....
mortensorchid Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I have encountered men like that in the online world as well as real life. It's vain, narcissistic personality disorder where they think they are god's gift to the world and all others should kow tow down to them. They are actually losers - they either react like 2 year olds and never think of the consequences of their actions until after they did/said something outlandish, expect women (or others in general) to chase or cater to their needs, and don't treat others in general very well. Don't believe that others will be one way in OLD and another in real life. 1
GB25 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Why do guys assume that if they are physically attracted to a photo of you that you must be to them? I've chatted with guys online who are convinced that we are suited and that when we meet we will both be attracted to each other. Why? Agreeing to meet doesn't mean I feel instant attraction. Attraction for me can be a mental as well as physical thing. I know I can become more attracted to someone I get on well with, so I am careful not to be too swayed by a photo. What also concerns me is the way that guys come on strong, chatting online or by SMS, and treat you as if you are already their girlfriend. When you say it takes time to get to know a person and you haven't even met yet, they talk as if that's a minor issue. When you make it clear they are assuming too much, they back off and say yes, of course we will start as friends and see how it goes, then their behaviour still says otherwise. Like, they send tons of texts wanting to know your every move, or talk as if they are assuming you are not chatting to any other guys and are waiting only to meet them. What is the point of telling a guy that you need them to be friends and see how it goes if they keep leaping ahead like this? They can't seem to help themselves but it's pressure and makes me want to back out. I don't understand what is going on in a guy's head when this happens. Can anyone explain? Lighten up..jesus 2
nerd Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I had much better results with free sites than paid ones. YMMV Also, a lot of it has to do with confidence being attractive, salesmen being told to assume the yes, and other crap like that
Ed the 3rd Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 If I'm talking to a girl I like and she is talking to me back it would be nice to know she didn't have 5 other guys on the back burner but that's just me.
RedRobin Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 OP, based on her own notions of attraction, probably can't empathize with that guy on what it's like to view attraction exclusively from the physical. I can sympathize... but not empathize. I personally consider it a character flaw and also 'next' men with that tendency.
colombiana28 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 they're not just on OLD - they're everywhere. some guys just don't get that if you give them the time of day, it doesn't mean you want them inside you. as a former fat chick I can attest, I act the same around men i always have, but now find it nearly impossible to maintain a platonic friendship without them eventually thinking i'm into them. even when i really butch it up
LuckyLady13 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I have had this happen to me in real life many times before I bumped into it on the internet. The one that takes the cake though is the guy who did my friend a favor and picked me up at the airport while he was at work. Quite a while later I found out this weirdo found a hair from my head (I have long hair) on the seat in his truck when I left, pressed it into a photo album and kept it and obsessed over me and built up this relationship between us in his head. I've met guys who, after just talking to them only once assume that because they are attracted to me, it's time for them to start making wedding plans! There are so many guys out there who build up these crazy, unreal relationships in their heads before they even know someone. I spent a few hours trying to get to know a guy one time and for a week solid after that day he kept giving me flowers and teddy bears and I got so weirded out! I don't know where these guys get this idea that you meet somebody once and that's it! You're gonna get married and live together forever. I'm not talking about guys looking for a ONS or FWB. I'm talking more along the lines of the original post where if they are attracted to someone, they just assume it's mutual for some reason and jump the gun. What I don't understand (but some of the guys here have somewhat cleared up for me) is how they go from a picture or a hello in person and maybe a handshake to marriage and life-long plans and a fantasy relationship with a COMPLETE STRANGER.
Geiss Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 So you are saying you talk to guys you aren't attracted too? Do you tell them that? Because they will assume that you think they are attractive because you are talking to them. I've been talking to some girl for a couple of months and I hope she is attracted to me. But if she is thinking like you maybe I am wrong. You have to realize that some guys can go years on those sites without one girl responding to them at all. I've sent countless messages and when a girl responds maybe after half of year of trying it's something special. But most of the time you send tons of messages and get no responses. It's a lot harder for a guy with online dating. So yeah they might get a little bit too attached and excited. Women have a different experience. They get bombarded with messages and have to sift through them. The more attractive you are the more you get. And don't forget they might not be attracted to you if you meet in person so all the stuff they are saying about being your boyfriend and getting too close online without meeting can go out the window in an instant. It works both ways. But if they are getting too needy and it bothers you then cut them off or meet them. Get it over with so you know.
Vinegar Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 this happens to me all the time! Just last week told the guy I didn't think we were right for each other and he still texts me. A lot of guys can't take a hint. and yes they act like you are their girlfriend before they even meet you. I run from these guys as quickly as possible. I think guys like this are very selfish and do not have enough of an ability to think of someone else. They won't make a good boyfriend because of it. I'm not sure if they are just trying to get laid or what but I think guys like this stay single in many cases. keep your boundaries in check and don't let it go too far as soon as you see this type of behavior. Each time I have given a guy the benefit of the doubt I realized I had a doubt for a reason.
Vinegar Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 I have encountered men like that in the online world as well as real life. It's vain, narcissistic personality disorder where they think they are god's gift to the world and all others should kow tow down to them. They are actually losers - they either react like 2 year olds and never think of the consequences of their actions until after they did/said something outlandish, expect women (or others in general) to chase or cater to their needs, and don't treat others in general very well. Don't believe that others will be one way in OLD and another in real life. EXACTLY! this is the difficult part of online dating. they are not going to be different in real life vans through the Internet and phone.
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