Teknoe Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Last night I was down in the dumps because my friend who I have developed a crush on... did not respond to my text or email for I think a day at that time. I was freaking out, because I thought maybe my last email shared too much and somehow scared her off. I kicked myself, and got on one of my lows. I thought to myself, "Great, I ruined it again, didn't I?" Got so bummed out that I even called up an engaged couple if I could come over to share my sorrows with, LOL. Yeah, I tend to get overdramatic. Then I signed on my GMail and my crush messaged me. We ended up talking for 2 hours and I could tell she was still into me, at least as a friend, and that she had just been busy. And then today we had a 2 hour lunch where we built upon our friendship. I'm still learning to not get too low with the lows, nor too high with the highs. Can anyone else here relate?
cnickd Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 oh I can! LOL. I know how you feel... I get way to high and way to low at times. Feeling very low now!
cnickd Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 yes... I do right now... go read my "I don't know what to do about my girlfriend"
somedude81 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 yes... I do right now... go read my "I don't know what to do about my girlfriend" Sorry, that was actually directed at Teknoe. My fault for not stating that.
cnickd Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Sorry, that was actually directed at Teknoe. My fault for not stating that. LOL... I am sorry. I was probably me... First time user and I am still learning
ThaWholigan Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Yeah, it's just being emotionally aware. I experienced a somewhat similar level of emotional highs and lows during my teens with my own "crush". When you get older, you learn to understand it, and even control your response to it. You're probably a bit older than I though, so feeling this way about this situation is a little bit odd - maybe this isn't a scenario that you should be in...... Still, the premise of your thread is correct - managing the highs and lows and recognizing them for what they are, which is simply your emotional patterns and your response to them. Don't let your emotions dictate your actions and perception.
cnickd Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Yeah, it's just being emotionally aware. I experienced a somewhat similar level of emotional highs and lows during my teens with my own "crush". When you get older, you learn to understand it, and even control your response to it. You're probably a bit older than I though, so feeling this way about this situation is a little bit odd - maybe this isn't a scenario that you should be in...... Still, the premise of your thread is correct - managing the highs and lows and recognizing them for what they are, which is simply your emotional patterns and your response to them. Don't let your emotions dictate your actions and perception. Your good... wish You would read my post!!
Author Teknoe Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 (edited) Did you feel like crap? I did. Because in my previous email with her, I attached an autobiography I've been working on... decided to send it to her for the heck of it. She mentioned in her previous email "We should write a book on oversharing" so I thought hey, I already did, beat ya to it LOL here it is wah-laaaaaaaah. When she replied very generically and short, I was like "OH CRAP. I went and did it again. Shared too much didn't I..." Then I replied to that reply and it was a question for her to answer. She didn't answer it for over 24 hours and I saw her online, so it was like aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! I totally felt like crap last night. Felt like I blew it with a good friend. Probably scared away another one, I thought. I was even close to contacting her with a sappy crappy email along the lines of "Hey, sorry about my last email. It might have been too heavy." Fortunately, I was wise enough to bite my tongue/fingers... and instead contact trusted friends. What I was going to complain to my crush about, I ended up complaining to my trusted friends about. As a result, she never knew my angst last night, and not even an hour later, she contacted me said she's been busy and we carried on like normal. But man, if I had sent that email... it would have blown the whole thing out of the water. Moral of the story: thank goodness for my friends. They saved my butt because they provide an emotional outlet/filter for me. Once you tell your crush something, you can't get it back. But you can share things safely with a friend and it all be good if that friend is a 3rd party member. Seriously, I am so relieved I held back. Had a great 2 hour lunch with my crush today... wouldn't have happened if I didn't have my friends to pick me up during my lowest of lows. Edited May 19, 2013 by Teknoe
ThaWholigan Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I did. Because in my previous email with her, I attached an autobiography I've been working on... decided to send it to her for the heck of it. She mentioned in her previous email "We should write a book on oversharing" so I thought hey, I already did, beat ya to it LOL here it is wah-laaaaaaaah. When she replied very generically and short, I was like "OH CRAP. I went and did it again. Shared too much didn't I..." Then I replied to that reply and it was a question for her to answer. She didn't answer it for over 24 hours and I saw her online, so it was like aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! I totally felt like crap last night. Felt like I blew it with a good friend. Probably scared away another one, I thought. I was even close to contacting her with a sappy crappy email along the lines of "Hey, sorry about my last email. It might have been too heavy." Fortunately, I was wise enough to bite my tongue/fingers... and instead contact trusted friends. What I was going to complain to my crush about, I ended up complaining to my trusted friends about. As a result, she never knew my angst last night, and not even an hour later, she contacted me said she's been busy and we carried on like normal. But man, if I had sent that email... it would have blown the whole thing out of the water. Moral of the story: thank goodness for my friends. They saved my butt because they provide an emotional outlet/filter for me. Once you tell your crush something, you can't get it back. But you can share things safely with a friend and it all be good if that friend is a 3rd party member. Seriously, I am so relieved I held back. Had a great 2 hour lunch with my crush today... wouldn't have happened if I didn't have my friends to pick me up during my lowest of lows. Out of curiosity, is this the same crush who has a BF?
Author Teknoe Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 Out of curiosity, is this the same crush who has a BF? Yes. But it doesn't seem to be a flourishing relationship, from what I gather. She doesn't talk about him much. Last I heard, he's kind of a jerk she mentioned, but this was a while back. Today she talked about how priceless it WOULD BE to find a nice guy. WOULD BE... as in... he currently is not. Says a lot. We had a funny moment of silence with lingering eye contact there... like she was looking at me like if maybe I was that nice guy she's looking for... but I didn't want to read more into it than what it was. Everytime we get together, we laugh, make lots of eye contact, and there generally seems to be a good flow/feel. I feel like we vibe and mesh well together. Like I felt with my last GF that I honestly have not felt with my previous 10 crushes or however many. Like, this girl I genuinely feels could be my GF at some point down the road. Maybe I've finally run into a suitable match that I actually like back But again, I know we might just stay "good friends" and that's all we could ever be. I'm more than ready for that. So I feel our friendship is also genuine. Just because I can't be her BF doesn't mean I won't still care for her. She's a really cool spirit that has connected with mine. Nothing wrong with a good quality friend you can talk to about anything and everything. Worse case scenario: we stay good friends Best case: we're each other's suitable match in life Not a bad place to be from where I sit
Imajerk17 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I am sure the intent was for us to feel good reading this story but I actually don't. You are still putting a lot more emotional energy towards her than she towards you. And it sounds that you are well into the Friend-Zone. I can indeed relate to this. My advice is to meet some more women. Meanwhile she might have taken so long to get back to you because she was with her boyfriend. 2
somedude81 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Teknoe, does she know that you are interested in her?
ThaWholigan Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Yes. But it doesn't seem to be a flourishing relationship, from what I gather. She doesn't talk about him much. Last I heard, he's kind of a jerk she mentioned, but this was a while back. Today she talked about how priceless it WOULD BE to find a nice guy. WOULD BE... as in... he currently is not. Says a lot. We had a funny moment of silence with lingering eye contact there... like she was looking at me like if maybe I was that nice guy she's looking for... but I didn't want to read more into it than what it was. Everytime we get together, we laugh, make lots of eye contact, and there generally seems to be a good flow/feel. I feel like we vibe and mesh well together. Like I felt with my last GF that I honestly have not felt with my previous 10 crushes or however many. Like, this girl I genuinely feels could be my GF at some point down the road. Maybe I've finally run into a suitable match that I actually like back But again, I know we might just stay "good friends" and that's all we could ever be. I'm more than ready for that. So I feel our friendship is also genuine. Just because I can't be her BF doesn't mean I won't still care for her. She's a really cool spirit that has connected with mine. Nothing wrong with a good quality friend you can talk to about anything and everything. Worse case scenario: we stay good friends Best case: we're each other's suitable match in life Not a bad place to be from where I sit Dangerous really, especially the BF scenario. As long as you keep your eyes open and aware. If you can deal with still being friends with her while harboring romantic feelings, then stay friends. Its not impossible, I have done it myself. However, don't delude yourself into denying your feelings and thoughts - if it gets too much to bear then bail. I second Imajerk's advice - meet more women.
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Last night I was down in the dumps because my friend who I have developed a crush on... did not respond to my text or email for I think a day at that time. I was freaking out, because I thought maybe my last email shared too much and somehow scared her off. I kicked myself, and got on one of my lows. I thought to myself, "Great, I ruined it again, didn't I?" Got so bummed out that I even called up an engaged couple if I could come over to share my sorrows with, LOL. Yeah, I tend to get overdramatic. Then I signed on my GMail and my crush messaged me. We ended up talking for 2 hours and I could tell she was still into me, at least as a friend, and that she had just been busy. And then today we had a 2 hour lunch where we built upon our friendship. I'm still learning to not get too low with the lows, nor too high with the highs. Can anyone else here relate? If your goal is to avoid getting too high or low, then you just committed every no-no in the book. First off. Why are you going for girls with boyfriends? Not only is it semi-immoral and semi-selfish in my book, it's just messy. Second off. If you are going that route, then just profess your attraction right away. Don't attempt to draw her in with your personality. That's a losing approach. Chances are, she has long decided if you are dating material, based on looks, attitude, and well looks. The longer you draw out the process, the more you are setting yourself up for failure and heartbreak. Thirdly. Waxing poetic about building a friendship with a woman who has a boyfriend whom you have a crush on? No, no, no. All recipes for digging your own grave. Aren't you one who gives regular advice to struggling guys?
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I am sure the intent was for us to feel good reading this story but I actually don't. You are still putting a lot more emotional energy towards her than she towards you. And it sounds that you are well into the Friend-Zone. I can indeed relate to this. My advice is to meet some more women. Meanwhile she might have taken so long to get back to you because she was with her boyfriend. Agree with everything here. More than likely because she was letting her BF have wild monkey sex with her and do anything he wants to her. That's how women are with men they are attracted to. Meeting you for 2 hour conversations when they have a boyfriend is what happens when they are not attracted to you.
somedude81 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Aren't you one who gives regular advice to struggling guys? He often tries to give advice to me. And then he ends up doing things that are very similar to what I've done. The very things he's given advice about.
Author Teknoe Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 I don't have to defend myself. We're 2 adults who enjoy each other's company. So far I haven't done anything that constitutes as cheating, nor has she. Not even close to it. SD, I have friends that I reach out to, though. It does make a positive difference. And just because I give advice doesn't mean I don't struggle through the game of love myself. I'm far from perfect but I speak with some experience. As for this situation, I feel the friendship is good enough where even if it goes nowhere romantically, I won't be crushed. I might also add that she's been inviting me to these events. If a friend invites me, I'll be there.
Author Teknoe Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 SD, I bet she has an idea that I like her. Girls aren't dumb. We've spent enough time together where the idea has no doubt crossed her mind that me liking her is a very high possibility. If she didn't like me liking her, she wouldn't keep inviting me to various events and outings. Bottom line, I try not to overthink it. We're friends. I like her company. She likes mine. We meet up once in a while to chew the fat. I am attracted to her, but respect her enough not to go overboard. If she told me she would never ever date me, YES, I would still be her friend. So this isn't some fake friendship where if she rejects me I'd kick her to the curb completely -- no. I genuinely like her as a friend. I am sure the intent was for us to feel good reading this story but I actually don't. You are still putting a lot more emotional energy towards her than she towards you. And it sounds that you are well into the Friend-Zone. I can indeed relate to this. My advice is to meet some more women. Meanwhile she might have taken so long to get back to you because she was with her boyfriend. Actually, she told me she was dead tired from submitting over 20 applications on her day off work. We spent Friday night talking... from 9-11 PM. Dunno where her BF was. We were just talking about life. And then today she invited me to her event. When I got there, one lady asked if I was her boyfriend. That was humorous. She didn't seem offended, and her body language was positive. Then we went out for a 2 hour lunch. Bottom line is, every situation and person is unique. No one here can see our body language, hear our tone of voice, etc. I like her as a friend. She likes me as a friend. I am attracted to her, but can control myself. I'm not sure if she's attracted to me, but she's definitely receptive. She's one of those girls that I feel like I have known since junior high.
somedude81 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 As for this situation, I feel the friendship is good enough where even if it goes nowhere romantically, I won't be crushed. Last night I was down in the dumps because my friend who I have developed a crush on... did not respond to my text or email for I think a day at that time. I was freaking out, because I thought maybe my last email shared too much and somehow scared her off. I kicked myself, and got on one of my lows. I thought to myself, "Great, I ruined it again, didn't I?" Got so bummed out that I even called up an engaged couple if I could come over to share my sorrows with, LOL. Yeah, I tend to get overdramatic. Look, I know you aren't saying you're perfect, but you're coming very close to contradicting yourself. it's obvious to everyone reading this thread that you want more than friendship with this woman. The more time you spend with her, the stronger your feelings will become. And when things fall apart. It will hurt. You have the power to prevent that. But do you have the will?
Author Teknoe Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 Look, I know you aren't saying you're perfect, but you're coming very close to contradicting yourself. it's obvious to everyone reading this thread that you want more than friendship with this woman. The more time you spend with her, the stronger your feelings will become. And when things fall apart. It will hurt. You have the power to prevent that. But do you have the will? The part you quoted... that I was scared I "blew it"... was talking about blowing our friendship, not my "BF chances." I am insecure. Chalk it up to all the rejections I've had since my first GF. I overshare. Sometimes I come on too strongly for girls, especially once I get comfortable. I was afraid I blew our friendship because of my insecurity due to past failures. Do I want more than friendship? In a perfect world (i.e. where she's single and wants me to make the move) then yes of course. Can I accept JUST her friendship and still not be crushed? I believe so. And if not, well, that's why we live life. She's a fun girl to spend time with. I'm not going to close myself off on that just to protect myself. If I get hurt, then I get hurt. You will get hurt in life. Unless you hide in a cave and avoid all potential relationships, including friendships. And learning from last night's freak out reaction on my part, I think it's just a reminder that I gotta do less overanalyzing, which has always been one of my major weaknesses... it goes back to the insecurity. I know this, and I own it.
Recommended Posts