aisuru Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Yea I understand that the same level of affection is important and that's where I wished something woke me up sooner about that. I want to be able to fix it but unfortunately it's a little late. This is the reason why I feel like the relationship is bent and not broken. It's still there just needs to be resparked.. Tell me from your perspective, if you were in this situation and your SO just didn't give you that affection but wants to give that effort.. Will you consider it? I know it'll take patience and time but this will allow me to become a better person. It's not like I'm changing something I'm not, just forming into something I want to be. What else is going on? Cause nobody breaks up just because of affection. Is there still sexual chemistry? Do you help around the house? Are both contributing to the household chores and finances?
Author Stay Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 (edited) What else is going on? Cause nobody breaks up just because of affection. Is there still sexual chemistry? Do you help around the house? Are both contributing to the household chores and finances? Well apparently she's been feeling like that for a while and she just feels like she doesn't have feelings for me anymore. You an I are on the same page.. I'm unsure of what she is really feeling.. maybe she is slightly confused herself. Sexual chemistry, yes.. we have it still. She is still attracted to me and I am the same to her. I help her as much as I can.. She is extremely a neat freak however and overly neat sometimes so although I'm not messy or dirty she might think I am. Always contribute to chores, cook for her, help her with trash, etc. I usually always pay for dinner and other finances, even help her with her bills. I also think there might be the Grass Is Greener thing that might be going on. Edited May 20, 2013 by Stay
Pisces13 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Any other opinions if this is a good idea? I think remaining friends post breakup is possible. You as the dumpee just need to come to terms with what has happened, accept that it has happened and learn to enjoy the relationship for what it is now, a friendship. If you don't feel as though you can do any of that, then I would suggest cutting ties for the time being. Things only get confusing if you let it, in other words, unless she is beating down your door to give it another shot with you, don't read too much in to the things she says (even though they will probably all be true) and don't hold ANY expectations. "Go with the flow" means just that.
eleve82 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 6-7 years together is a long time to just cut someone out, but there is some truth in the saying that "sometimes you need to let go to see if it was worth holding on to", especially if you have already tried reasoning. No words or actions will convince a person that things can be worked out - he/she has to want to do it from within. 1
crederer Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I've been getting mixed signals from my ex too. I feel like at this point I want the friendship. She is not seeing anyone at this point either and I don't know if she's saying these things to see if there is still a spark, or if she genuinely wants to be friends. The problem I am having with being friends with her is I know I will be upset when she finds a new guy, and I know she will be upset when I find a new girl. So, as for actually being friends i know that is a bad idea long term. Then I think maybe this is my wake back in.....but if that's the case why doesn't she just up and say it? I told her I'd appreciate her not trying to be friends, and if she stays in contact with me I'm going on the assumption that she still has feelings for me. If not, please leave me be to move on. She said that she respects that, and yet still stays in contact with me. So confusing. Bunch of mind games in this dating world.
Author Stay Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 I think remaining friends post breakup is possible. You as the dumpee just need to come to terms with what has happened, accept that it has happened and learn to enjoy the relationship for what it is now, a friendship. If you don't feel as though you can do any of that, then I would suggest cutting ties for the time being. Things only get confusing if you let it, in other words, unless she is beating down your door to give it another shot with you, don't read too much in to the things she says (even though they will probably all be true) and don't hold ANY expectations. "Go with the flow" means just that. Yea I learned not to read into it too much.. Made some mistakes expecting things but now I'm just going with the flow to see where it takes us.. She knows where I stand so I'll leave it at that. She has fun with me and I the same, when we're having fun it's great.. I'll just give it some time and space. Other than that I'm not really expecting anything anymore. She's been actively moving her stuff in her new place and she's seems very sad most of the time when I see her. I cheer her up though and just get her mind off of it, allow her to have fun around me. 6-7 years together is a long time to just cut someone out, but there is some truth in the saying that "sometimes you need to let go to see if it was worth holding on to", especially if you have already tried reasoning. No words or actions will convince a person that things can be worked out - he/she has to want to do it from within. You are right, I did try but of course it doesn't work.. You just gotta let a person go if you truly want them back I guess. We've never been apart too long so this could do some good. Hopefully it'll be for the best and if we do come back it'll be the strongest it has ever been. I've been getting mixed signals from my ex too. I feel like at this point I want the friendship. She is not seeing anyone at this point either and I don't know if she's saying these things to see if there is still a spark, or if she genuinely wants to be friends. The problem I am having with being friends with her is I know I will be upset when she finds a new guy, and I know she will be upset when I find a new girl. So, as for actually being friends i know that is a bad idea long term. Then I think maybe this is my wake back in.....but if that's the case why doesn't she just up and say it? I told her I'd appreciate her not trying to be friends, and if she stays in contact with me I'm going on the assumption that she still has feelings for me. If not, please leave me be to move on. She said that she respects that, and yet still stays in contact with me. So confusing. Bunch of mind games in this dating world. Yea I know exactly how you feel. I've learned to just take it how it is.. play it like you don't care. Allow her time to think to herself I guess you can say.
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