ellen101 Posted September 29, 2004 Share Posted September 29, 2004 Ok, this is my first time posting so please bear with me. I've been following LS for awhile and I just had to post this morning. About 2 months ago, I met this incredible guy and we have been inseperable ever since. We talk everyday and spend almost all our free time together. The catch? When I met him, I knew that he had just gotten out of a VERY long term relationship in which the girl left him after over 10 years after meeting someone in a chat room and moved to another country! He said she had broken all trust by doing this and didnt' want anything else to do with her. Well, things didn't work out for his ex and her new chat room buddy so she moved back last week and I was informed last night that he is going to take her back, no questions asked. I am devastated. I feel so used. He said he was so unhappy with her, and all she has to do is be back in town less than a week, bat her eyes a little, say the right things and he falls for her crap all over again? How could I have been so stupid? I guess I just needed a place to vent this morning, I have been crying my eyes out and being mad at the same time. I just don't know what to do. Any advice would be most welcome at this point. Thanks.... Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly10340 Posted September 29, 2004 Share Posted September 29, 2004 I would definately cut your losses. I know it hurts, I can only imagine how you feel. But then again, it's only been two months. Just thank God it wasn't any longer and you were even more attached to him. Frankly I think he's stupid for going back to someone so impulsive. If she would just drop him like that after 10 years then she'll do it again if she finds someone else. It'll get better, I promise Link to post Share on other sites
Author ellen101 Posted September 29, 2004 Author Share Posted September 29, 2004 Thank you Jilly for your response! I believed him when he said he didn't want her in his life anymore and thought that he was moving on - BIG MISTAKE on my part! There was a lot of history there and I knew in the back of my mind that this might happen. I just can't get over that someone that up and leaves like that can be forgiven and taken back so easily. It does hurt a lot but it doesn't say a lot for his character either (at least in my opinion). I am betting that it won't be all wine and roses when they get back together and she'll show her true colors at some point. He says "she seems sincere this time". Who knows, it's not up to me anymore. I was just the stupid one who cared and told him he deserved to be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly10340 Posted September 29, 2004 Share Posted September 29, 2004 Don't worry about their relationship, it's their problem now, not yours. He'll get his in the end. Now go out and get you a real man! Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted September 29, 2004 Share Posted September 29, 2004 If I had a penny for every man that I wanted that took his ex back, I'd be rich...seriously. I had a boyfriend who missed his ex so badly, that she didn't even have to break up with her current boyfriend for him to dump me and persue her. Another guy was engaged, broke up, got me, dumped me and went back to her. It happened a LOT in high school. I started to think that since I'd waited so long to start dating, that all the guys had a selfish slut, er uh, ex in their past that would always steal them from me. I had one guy that I worked with who broke up with a girl, started dating me, and she started calling him at WORK, so he dumped me for her. I accidently on purpose hung up on her a few times. What did you expect? When they've been together that long, it's more than likely he'll go running back to her It happened to me a LOT. The only reason I have a husband right now, is because he refused to leave a girl for his ex. He had a girl he loved, but they broke up. He got with another girl, then the ex came back wanting him back, but he wouldn't hurt his current girlfriend that way. When things went sour with his current gf, he called up his ex, but she'd found someone. Then, a year later, he met me, and we were married. If he'd done what he'd wanted to do, and dumped his girlfriend for his ex, I'd still be single Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted September 29, 2004 Share Posted September 29, 2004 You weren't stupid at all, Ellen. You just took him at his word. It would be easy for me to say, you know, be leary of some guy who just got out of a long-term relationship, but I think a lot of us have been in your situation and understand how easy it is to fall into that trap. Right before I went back to school, I met this guy who had just gotten out of a relationship with a girl that he had been madly in love with. She cheated on him and he said he never wanted anything to do with her and that he was totally healing. About 4 months into our relationship, she started calling cause things didn't work out with the other guy, and I was immediately history. I was so heartbroken. A few months later, he was single again, but by then, I could have cared less. A few years later, I met someone so awesome and am so glad that I was available to get to know this person. More than likely, you will meet someone, too, and forget all about this guy and his baggage. Hang in there. Heartbreak is the worst, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ellen101 Posted September 29, 2004 Author Share Posted September 29, 2004 Thank you for your replies....they mean a lot! Today has been so hard, I can't even explain. I know it's only been a couple of months but it still hurts. I also know they were together for a very long time and I took that chance...I don't regret it. I should have known better - I know that now. As mad as I am at him, I just want him to be happy. He's not a bad person, just stupid when it comes to love...lol. I am so proud of myself tho because when he told me last night, I didn't cry or get hysterical or anything. I asked a few questions, told him I cared a lot about him, that he deserved to be happy and I left....no tears. Will I ever hear from him again? I doubt it. Did he ever care about me? Probably not. I was just a distraction until the ex came back. Oh well. He talked about happy he was "now that she was gone" - he was going out, meeting new people but I guess it was just one big lie. They can be miserable together. There is someone out there who will treat me better and not make me cry like this.....at least I hope there is. If not, I'm happy with me. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted September 29, 2004 Share Posted September 29, 2004 What I got a lot of after dating guys from long term relationships was a two month relationship, that ended, because "They've been tied down to her so long, that they wanna see what freedom is like." I felt like screaming, "WELL WHY DID YOU BOTHER ME WITH A RELATIONSHIP YOU POO HEAD!!!" I would want to take it slow. He wanted fast. I wanted to be friends. He wanted to be more than friends. I didn't want to hold hands or kiss yet. He did. After a month, I'd start to warm up to him, hold hands, kiss, etc., then after about half a month of lovey dovey, he'd start to distance himself, and I'm like WTF??? Then, out of nowhere, "I want to be single for a while." and every time after that that I would see him, he was single. It's like how INSULTING!!! She made you lonely for more, and I made you lonely for freedom Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 Hey I went thur this, I am a guy, dated a gorl for 10 mos who had been dumped by the bf, there was always contacy between them and I followed my gut and I left her, it hurt and still hurts, but they are back together again! its about them not not you, you have no control in this, let thewm be, the problems that broke them up will come again, and may be this time you wont be so open. dont wait let it go, you are one lucky person! yes there was love, no it was a rebound Link to post Share on other sites
Author ellen101 Posted September 30, 2004 Author Share Posted September 30, 2004 Thank you Hurt for your post...it's making this night a little more tolerable. I'm sorry for your hurt and pain, that must have been hard to let go. But probably for the best. Just like letting go of this is for the best. It hurts like you know what tho. I guess it will always baffle me how he can forgive her so easily. She lied and cheated behind his back on the computer and then just leaves him for someone she never even met - in another country!!WTF! And because she comes back and says "I'm sorry, I'll never do it again" - she's forgiven and they go back to the way things were? I'm sorry that's just screwed up! Can someone help me understand this or am I just not meant to? Oh well, it's their problem now - I'm out of the picture. He made sure of that and maybe in the long run I'll be happy that I'm not in this mess. I deserve so much more than to be with someone who is so attached to their ex. Like the saying goes..."they are an ex for a reason." Thank you again for your posts...they have helped me so much! Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 The one who gets dumped is just like you, they will take them back! they were still in love with that person, he loved you for all it is worth, just for the wrong reason, he did not use you, he was getting over somthing and you came along, the truth isyou never really had him emotionally, save yourself the heart ache I went tru, never ever date a person who has just broken up, rebounds are real, you have been there, in a rebound, the person hurt is honest about you, thay are also hoping that the dumpee calls them, no matter what thaey say! learn from this as I did! you were there, he was was in the stete were you are now. Move on and learn from this. Link to post Share on other sites
love the gypsy87 Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 it sounds so horrible but im glad im not the only one going through this right now i totally kno how you feel and im sorry bleive me i feel your pain and it sux Link to post Share on other sites
Author ellen101 Posted October 4, 2004 Author Share Posted October 4, 2004 Well, I survived the weekend. It was tough, I thought about him so much. It's been almost 6 days NC - I'm sure I'll never hear from him again now that he has taken the ex back. He said he would call but I'm not holding my breath. I don't want him to call, that way I can move on from all of this. I feel so used and lied to and I cry a lot. I'm just having a hard time understanding but I guess it'll take time. I'm just trying very hard to concentrate on me, build my self-esteem back up and tell myself that it'll get better. It hurts so much right now, I can't even explain but there's got to be someone out there without so much baggage, who won't dump me the first sign of their ex wanting to come back. Why does it have to hurt so much? I know that this didn't last very long and maybe I shouldn't hurt so much but it does - I feel very alone. Maybe it's just Monday...lol. Link to post Share on other sites
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