lamaga Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 me again with my boy... wondering about his intentions, so bear with me... we've been dating for 3 weeks. we have established that we are not seeing anybody else, just each other. we have, after 6 great dates, finally slept together last night after a night out with my friends, celebrating his birthday. it was really great. he gets along with my friends, he likes to make me laugh and wants me around all the time, even though i only get to see him every few days, because we live in different cities. everything is building up greatly and i was hoping that maybe we would put a label on 'this thing we are' soon. however, it never comes up and i feel like he's very shy in a lot of ways, yet he seems so confident at most times. he asked me to go on a weekend trip to this place he needs to go to for work in 2 weeks, it's an 8 hour train ride away and a beautiful place to visit. i thought, well, he is making plans for us in the future (even if it's only 2 weeks into the future), so that must mean something, right? then again, we never talk about our feelings, really. i feel like when it comes to that i am the one who initiates conversation. i mean, we talk about everything else, great amazing conversations, but not these things. today i said "i like you a lot" and he said "i like you too". i feel like i need to wring these things out of him like water from a wet shirt. when we are together he always is affectionate, genuine, sweet, loving. then he texts me how my day was and i tell him how my day was and he tells me how his day was and that's it. he doesn't really write any sweet things... so he might be an awkward texter, who knows. it's so difficult to get something out of him and i can't sense how he really truly feels about me. how do i know if he wants to be serious? are there any signs i could look for? should i be open with him about how i feel about him? is he maybe just not a romantic? i am getting so anxious. on one hand i just want to enjoy what we have now but at the same time my feelings for him grow with every time we hang out and then i just want to know for real if we will be boyfriend/girlfriend soon.. and if this 'relationship' is even worth pursuing... i don't want to get hurt.. what do i do?
Jadedbyluv Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 I say just enjoy what you have you going. 3 weeks is still really early. And from the sounds of it, he seems to like you. You don't want to rush anything because it might scare him off and then you will end up getting hurt. 2
Author lamaga Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 It sounds like everything is on the right track. You've established exclusivity, he says he likes you, he's attentive. You ask what he wants, it seems like he wants you. From reading your post I gather that you're afraid he's not as interested as you are and largely because he isn't very 'romantic'. What would you need from him to reassure you? More compliments, opening up about his feelings, what? Some guys aren't prone to that sort of behavior, or if they are, it can take them longer than a few weeks to get into it. Yeah, I guess I just always have been with very romantic guys, and this is also the first time I ever just date someone for a good while and not fall in love at first sight (which is how my last 2 relationships were). So this is fairly new to me and I have difficulties acting on it. He gives me enough compliments, tells me I am pretty, beautiful, attractive, sexy.. I just wish he would show more that he is into me by hinting at a possible future together...
Author lamaga Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 It's been three weeks. Relax. He did discuss plans with you a couple of weeks out, yes? That to me says he is definitely considering the more immediate future. Thoughts/discussions of the distant future can most certainly wait. You are probably right and I am just freaking out... typical.. 1
cnickd Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I really agree with everyone... I know how you feel though. LOVE is a strong word! just take it slow and have fun. He is still seeing you for a reason... he likes you. It will work out just fine!
hestheone66 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 i know the feeling. ive been with a guy for 18 months. hes not as verbally expressive as past guys..but he seeks my company with or without prospect of sex. texts me throughout the day and takes me out a lot. whule part of me is insecure when i look at his actions i come to honour who he is rather than change him. he told mehe loved me once at about 4months and reiterated it only one more time..we are not exclusive by mutual choice but spens most of our spare time together. in the past ive had a guy profess his deep cosmic connection to me through all eternity..but he was just a manipulative narcissist...i prefer the ambiguity with clear intent...
Author lamaga Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 i know the feeling. ive been with a guy for 18 months. hes not as verbally expressive as past guys..but he seeks my company with or without prospect of sex. texts me throughout the day and takes me out a lot. whule part of me is insecure when i look at his actions i come to honour who he is rather than change him. he told mehe loved me once at about 4months and reiterated it only one more time..we are not exclusive by mutual choice but spens most of our spare time together. in the past ive had a guy profess his deep cosmic connection to me through all eternity..but he was just a manipulative narcissist...i prefer the ambiguity with clear intent... that's interesting. i don't think i could do that though and i know for a fact he is a relationship kind of guy, looking for more than just a hook up. however, i wonder if he sees this just as a summer fling (we are both moving away after the summer, another thing that bothers me, we haven't talked about this though). i saw it just as that in the beginning but we spent a great amount of time together and.. you know that moment when you stop counting the dates and it just kind of fizzles into this relationship kind of feel? this is how i feel about us. i just don't know if he feels that too. i guess i need to wait and see what happens. i initially posted this thread hoping to find a solution as to how to find out what it is that he wants from me...
hppr Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 when we are together he always is affectionate, genuine, sweet, loving...it's so difficult to get something out of him and i can't sense how he really truly feels about me Your answer is right there in front of your face. If you want him to say I love you or those sorts of things then you need to let him know it's okay to say them.
veggirl Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 You've fallin in LOVE at first sight...twice? How old are you? Your bf sounds like he is doing a relationship properly...you sound like you jump in headfirst without a 2nd thought. I think you should follow his lead, he is in regular contact, makes plans, compliments you, you had great sex....what are you complaining about again? 1
Author lamaga Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 Ever think he might be able to sense your disinterest and hesitation thus taking a cautious approach then add in you might be in it for just a summer fling and moving away exacerbating his leeriness. I haven't thought of it but maybe that's possible... I should start to be more bold then and make moves toward him as well?
Author lamaga Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 You've fallin in LOVE at first sight...twice? How old are you? Your bf sounds like he is doing a relationship properly...you sound like you jump in headfirst without a 2nd thought. I think you should follow his lead, he is in regular contact, makes plans, compliments you, you had great sex....what are you complaining about again? I am 26. As stated before, I have never really dated so this is new to me, I am just excited and don't know how to handle some things, hence me coming here asking for advice.. I wasn't complaining, just asking advice.
clia Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I really think you need to slow down and relax. You've only been dating him three weeks. He may not even know his intentions yet. You are pushing him along like a freight train, wanting and expecting things that happen months into a relationship, not three weeks in. Please, for the love of God, stop talking about your feelings with him. It is way too soon -- this is why you feel like you have to drag it out of him. It is too soon! At three weeks into the relationship, you want to be the "light and breezy and fun and laid back" girl, not the "serious relationship talk where are we going and why aren't we boyfriend/girlfriend yet" girl. Men typically don't like to talk about their feelings as much as women do. They certainly don't like to have big long relationship talks about where things are going three weeks into a relationship. (In my experience.) You really run the risk of scaring him off if you try to force him to talk about his feelings at this stage of the game. It sounds like things are going great -- just enjoy it and relax and wait for him to bring up the label. I do not think you should initiate any relationship talks or any discussion about how much you like him. Just be sweet, nice, and reciprocate, and let him lead at his own pace. You always run the risk of getting hurt when you enter into a relationship. Even if he says he wants to be boyfriend/girlfriend now, he could change his mind in two months. Time is the only thing that solidifies this. You have to just force yourself to be patient. If he is calling you, texting you, and taking you out on dates, then he likes you. That's all there is to it. 1
othersideofthepillow Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 OP, just like everyone else said you just need to relax. A lot of guys these days like to keep there distance and remain calm and collective. There is nothing that shows that he isn't interested in you and will want to date you. Maybe he wants you to go with him so on your trip he can "officially" ask you to be BF/GF? I know if that where me and I really liked a girl that's what I would do. Just be patient and don't rush it. The more you push, the chances of him getting annoyed/second guess/debating whether or not he wants to still be with you go up..... ....everything is going great at the moment so just let it continue and enjoy yourself!!!
Yookie Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 3 weeks is too soon to tell if he is even WORTHY of being your boyfriend. Relax and wait for the honeymoon phase to end before you decide if you want a commitment with him.
Author lamaga Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 I really think you need to slow down and relax. You've only been dating him three weeks. He may not even know his intentions yet. You are pushing him along like a freight train, wanting and expecting things that happen months into a relationship, not three weeks in. Please, for the love of God, stop talking about your feelings with him. It is way too soon -- this is why you feel like you have to drag it out of him. It is too soon! At three weeks into the relationship, you want to be the "light and breezy and fun and laid back" girl, not the "serious relationship talk where are we going and why aren't we boyfriend/girlfriend yet" girl. Men typically don't like to talk about their feelings as much as women do. They certainly don't like to have big long relationship talks about where things are going three weeks into a relationship. (In my experience.) You really run the risk of scaring him off if you try to force him to talk about his feelings at this stage of the game. It sounds like things are going great -- just enjoy it and relax and wait for him to bring up the label. I do not think you should initiate any relationship talks or any discussion about how much you like him. Just be sweet, nice, and reciprocate, and let him lead at his own pace. You always run the risk of getting hurt when you enter into a relationship. Even if he says he wants to be boyfriend/girlfriend now, he could change his mind in two months. Time is the only thing that solidifies this. You have to just force yourself to be patient. If he is calling you, texting you, and taking you out on dates, then he likes you. That's all there is to it. As I said, I haven't made any moves yet and I haven't brought up ANY relationship talk at all. I opened this thread to find out if I should. Now I know that I won't. Thanks, guys. I am excited for what will happen.
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