who_am_i Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Recently I've read that quite a few xMM have decided to look up their xOW after months or years of NC. I've read that it happens though in my case there is zero chance that xMM will come around again...or at this point would he be welcomed (I'm no fool!)...so I've never personally entertained the idea. But I gotta say that the more I see it the more it blows my mind! Sure, they say once a cheater always a cheater...but I like to believe the BS that say with absolute confidence "not my husband"! Call me naive, but dose this really happen more often then not? And why? There's nothing about affairs that make much sense to me anymore.
Goodbye Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 It probably happens more than with normal relationships because there are unresolved feelings. Usually affairs end with a d day, or one party suddenly ending it. It is normal to think about lost relationships and wonder who they would have turned out. It isn't ok for AP's who have promised wives/husbands that they are in NC to go back and look up the old flame one more time. Obviously many MM who cheat are more brazen than most, so they may not have the same inhibitions to guide them. 1
Author who_am_i Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 It probably happens more than with normal relationships because there are unresolved feelings. Usually affairs end with a d day, or one party suddenly ending it. It is normal to think about lost relationships and wonder who they would have turned out. It isn't ok for AP's who have promised wives/husbands that they are in NC to go back and look up the old flame one more time. Obviously many MM who cheat are more brazen than most, so they may not have the same inhibitions to guide them. Thanks, Goodbye...I agree with you on these things as I have heard these same excuses many times for many different scenarios on many different threads here on LS. But I'm looking for facts!
ComingInHot Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Mine used to be for sure* Goodbye wrote, " Fact: Ex MM are cake eating sociopaths."
Author who_am_i Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 Mine used to be for sure* Goodbye wrote, " Fact: Ex MM are cake eating sociopaths." But did he keep coming back? And why? What was his excuse?
ComingInHot Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 No. He ended it Before I ever found out. He'd already made the decision to stop and change his his behavior. And w/Everything we put up with from exOW's behavior, H went so far as to make it legal or Illegal for her to contact us or come near us. Before she informed me though, he was a cheating sociopath.*
Goodbye Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 No. He ended it Before I ever found out. He'd already made the decision to stop and change his his behavior. And w/Everything we put up with from exOW's behavior, H went so far as to make it legal or Illegal for her to contact us or come near us. Before she informed me though, he was a cheating sociopath.* Why did she inform you?
ComingInHot Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I would like to tell you but it's important to stay on topic. Trust me on this. Maybe start a thread??*
bellasue Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 My xMM told me when I confronted him a few days after dday that under no circumstances would we resume our affair. He told me not to have any hope or expectation of doing so. And it's been over a month and he hasn't contacted me. So......if he does I will certainly say the same thing.....back at ya! : )
BrokenPrincess Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 My A ended when xMM had a DDay. We went said goodbye & went NC and he broke it 4 months later. He said he didn't want me to think he didn't care about me. We resumed as an EA (due to long distance) underground for 2 months until he ended it via email because he would never be happy with this amount of stress & fear and because he loves his family more than anything. It's been a couple weeks now but I believe it's over for good. There just isn't anything else to say. In a way, this more like a normal breakup versus DDay, which suddenly cut us apart right in the thick of our emotions.
neveragain34 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I've read that it happens though in my case there is zero chance that xMM will come around again...or at this point would he be welcomed (I'm no fool!) What makes you so certain he will never come around again? I thought the exact same thing about my exMM...we ended on horrible terms after I told his wife everything; he said he never wanted to speak to me again and wished a terminal illness on me. To my surprise, he showed up again a couple of months later. He started by texting me, asking for a ride home from the hospital after a surgery; I said no. From there the texts came and went periodically, then increased... I continued to reject his offers. Finally caved and have seen him a couple of times over the past month, but am definitely not interested in another affair with him. In fact, seeing him was good for me, but that's another story/thread! My point is...never say never and be prepared if he does come back around! 1
MrWindupBird Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I think anyone can be faithful, but the key is compatibility. Some people find it hard to locate a compatibile person, so they often drift in and out of people's lives like a lost soul searching the world. 1
ComingInHot Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 ker wrote, " mate. I desperately want to ask BS why she lives like that,and have been tempted to speak to her several times to ask, not out of vindictiveness, just really really blows my mind. We have had several break ups because neither of us wants to continue living like this." Why don't you?? At this point, after days, it sounds like Both you and MM's Wife have decided you are going to "live this way". I would, break up or not, want to know for sure as the BW and/or OW. Maybe there are things you both think you know but don't. I mean, aside from her being MM's Actual Wife and you knowing they are M, what MM tells you AND her beyond that fact could be a bagO'sh$t. It's ALWAYS good to have the truth.*
Goodbye Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I would like to tell you but it's important to stay on topic. Trust me on this. Maybe start a thread??* You have a point...sorry about that. My ADD gets the best of me, lol. 1
lilmisscantbewrong Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I think once you are energetically connected to someone they will always "show up" at some point depending upon how the energy is flowing. Think about the times in your life when someone has popped into your mind and you haven't thought about that person for eons and then the next day you get a phone call from them or see them. It's very uncanny how this happens. But I also know when you are fixated on someone the energy is blocked - they do not show up. It happens when you truly do not care anymore or are not looking for it. I know it seems strange, but I find it to be so in my life. In my case it's just a matter of time before I am face to face with my XMM somewhere - we live in close proximity and its just inevitable. 1
Praying4Peace Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I think once you are energetically connected to someone they will always "show up" at some point depending upon how the energy is flowing. Think about the times in your life when someone has popped into your mind and you haven't thought about that person for eons and then the next day you get a phone call from them or see them. It's very uncanny how this happens. But I also know when you are fixated on someone the energy is blocked - they do not show up. It happens when you truly do not care anymore or are not looking for it. I know it seems strange, but I find it to be so in my life. In my case it's just a matter of time before I am face to face with my XMM somewhere - we live in close proximity and its just inevitable. Lilmiss- this is like the Law of Attraction. So true. I've always wondered what would happen if we saw each other unexpectedly.
Author who_am_i Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 What makes you so certain he will never come around again? I thought the exact same thing about my exMM...we ended on horrible terms after I told his wife everything; he said he never wanted to speak to me again and wished a terminal illness on me. To my surprise, he showed up again a couple of months later. He started by texting me, asking for a ride home from the hospital after a surgery; I said no. From there the texts came and went periodically, then increased... I continued to reject his offers. Finally caved and have seen him a couple of times over the past month, but am definitely not interested in another affair with him. In fact, seeing him was good for me, but that's another story/thread! My point is...never say never and be prepared if he does come back around! This is exactly why I think I'll never hear from him. I did the same thing and it was awful.
White Flower Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Recently I've read that quite a few xMM have decided to look up their xOW after months or years of NC. I've read that it happens though in my case there is zero chance that xMM will come around again...or at this point would he be welcomed (I'm no fool!)...so I've never personally entertained the idea. But I gotta say that the more I see it the more it blows my mind! Sure, they say once a cheater always a cheater...but I like to believe the BS that say with absolute confidence "not my husband"! Call me naive, but dose this really happen more often then not? And why? There's nothing about affairs that make much sense to me anymore. Yep. I've ended it, he's ended it, his daughter has ended it, lol, and I've lost count on the Ddays but he just keeps coming back. I'm sure some like to think these guys are merely sociopaths, (who cannot change their genetic makeup btw), and I'm sure some of them are but many have an inner struggle which is duty over love/love over duty and sometimes that struggle puts the MP somewhere in between. My guy insists he struggles with his identity no more but we will see if he pulls through and puts the Please Everyone Else duty badge away. And it always happens more than anyone knows; in fact, xMM's MC (they only saw her once) said affairs are quite normal. BW said she didn't know what she was talking about and stormed out of there. I guess the truth hurts.
Toots Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Sometimes it is many years before the MM resurfaces. I had an A 20 years ago and broke up with him when I got bored. I moved on, he moved to a different country and then after all that time he contacted me out of the blue. I'm sure he was fishing, and I'm not interested.
Washingmachine1980 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Funny, ex-boyfriends have never contacted me. The exMM did only because our kids are in the same activity and he was just trying to run me off but, first he decided to ask for sex. He lost out on both counts. Told him where he could go and our kids are still in the same activity. Really thought he would move his out. Maybe this will be the year he does. I'm definitely not changing my life around because of him.
RickFox Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I sit here as a male and find it amusing, not at y'all but that it's the men that come back. After my A ended I used to wonder if xmw would come back, after all it was she who told me to go pack sand, and I did, left her alone, just as she told me. And she did send me a couple messages at one point and I have a better understanding of things (thanks P4P) but I haven't heard from her since. I'm finally at a point that I'm good with that, and once in a while it does creep in, but not so often that it bothers me. Of course my wife will still say, to this day, xmw will come back....I used to hope for it...now I can say, while sitting here right now and typing this... blah!
DelusionalOne Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I just don't get it....WHY do they show back up? No, seriously, do they actually think that they were so all that that you would willing jump back in or even more ridiculous... that you want to be friends??? My xMM has contacted me a number of times over the last 3.5 months. A couple were very lame work excuses. I mean, really lame and transparent. But a couple, I swear, like we were buddies or something. I just looked at them and was thinking "WTF, have you lost your mind? Do you think I have just forgotten everything that happened?" I really just don't get it. 1
Praying4Peace Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I just don't get it....WHY do they show back up? No, seriously, do they actually think that they were so all that that you would willing jump back in or even more ridiculous... that you want to be friends??? My xMM has contacted me a number of times over the last 3.5 months. A couple were very lame work excuses. I mean, really lame and transparent. But a couple, I swear, like we were buddies or something. I just looked at them and was thinking "WTF, have you lost your mind? Do you think I have just forgotten everything that happened?" I really just don't get it. You know what I think it is, DO? You know how he didn't give a crap about his W's feeling during the A- and just focused on pleasing himself? It's the same thing...he doesn't give a crap if you end up devastated bc he's still focused on pleasing himself (by fishing with you). It's all about making himself feel good. Now, we wouldn't be human if being wanted/pleasing to someone didn't make us feel good...but when it comes time that you don't, he won't be there. That's not love or caring at all.
DelusionalOne Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I know, it's weird. I think it's just that selfish component taking over. It's odd. I guess they just think "I miss you, you must be missing me" without thinking ahead. Actually MC, I think it is much more sinister than that for me...but I don't want to t/j so I'll probably create another post.
Recommended Posts