Sarah92 Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 I broke up with a guy a while ago. I went on NC but he always breaks it (broke it three times, around every other 4/5 weeks) and asks me how I am doing, even when I told him to leave me alone for a little while so I can move on. A while back, he text me and asked to hang out. He was a great friend before we started our relationship, so I said yes. We hung out, acted a bit like a couple (like I will put my hand around his arms when we walk and hug him and he will tease me like he used to). But then again, the conversations were a bit stiff and he seemed to be not interested or be spacing out. Still, he text me in a more-than-friends way. He made plans, but I was busy and I canceled two last minute. He got a bit pissed, confronted me about but gave me one more chance. I went this time. Again, he is quiet and I talk all the time. Always seem to be thinking about something, but we are acting like more-than-friends friends, and I hated that. I even asked him to go to a concert with me and he said no, he doesn't want to see a concert. I don't know what's up with this guy. He contacts me and does all the things, but he doesn't follow up to it. Why text me when he is not interested when we hang out? I feel stupid always going out with him. I have other guys chasing me but I didn't go out with any of them because I'm still a bit held up on this guy. Should I really just stop being friends overall?
Author Sarah92 Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 I broke up with a guy a while ago. I went on NC but he always breaks it (broke it three times, around every other 4/5 weeks) and asks me how I am doing, even when I told him to leave me alone for a little while so I can move on. A while back, he text me and asked to hang out. He was a great friend before we started our relationship, so I said yes. We hung out, acted a bit like a couple (like I will put my hand around his arms when we walk and hug him and he will tease me like he used to). But then again, the conversations were a bit stiff and he seemed to be not interested or be spacing out. Still, he text me in a more-than-friends way. He made plans, but I was busy and I canceled two last minute. He got a bit pissed, confronted me about but gave me one more chance. I went this time. Again, he is quiet and I talk all the time. Always seem to be thinking about something, but we are acting like more-than-friends friends, and I hated that. I even asked him to go to a concert with me and he said no, he doesn't want to see a concert. I don't know what's up with this guy. He contacts me and does all the things, but he doesn't follow up to it. Why text me when he is not interested when we hang out? I feel stupid always going out with him. I have other guys chasing me but I didn't go out with any of them because I'm still a bit held up on this guy. Should I really just stop being friends overall? Oh by the way, he have his grad graduation a while ago and he invited me. Said he really hope I can make it. I said I really can't confirm and he said what is more important than sharing this moment with him....=/
BustedUpInside Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 I posted a reply on your other thread, but after reading this, I feel even more sympathy for both of you. Break ups are so hard, not just for the one dumped but for the one that does the dumping too. From the outside, it is previous obvious what is going on here. You guys broke up and now both seem to be regretting the decision. Neither one of you is willing to break the power struggle and just put it on the line. Unfortunately for you, you will have to be the one to do a little begging. You really hurt him by breaking up with him and he is justifiably nervous to put his feelings on the line again. If you want him back, then you have to tell him and make it pretty soon. However, if you just want to be friends, then you have to leave each other alone for awhile. In my opinion (I'm no expert, but I have had lots of experience ) it is nearly impossible to be friends while still holding on to the love feelings from the relationship. 1
flitzanu Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 I broke up with a guy a while ago. I went on NC but he always breaks it (broke it three times, around every other 4/5 weeks) and asks me how I am doing, even when I told him to leave me alone for a little while so I can move on. A while back, he text me and asked to hang out. He was a great friend before we started our relationship, so I said yes. We hung out, acted a bit like a couple (like I will put my hand around his arms when we walk and hug him and he will tease me like he used to). But then again, the conversations were a bit stiff and he seemed to be not interested or be spacing out. Still, he text me in a more-than-friends way. He made plans, but I was busy and I canceled two last minute. He got a bit pissed, confronted me about but gave me one more chance. I went this time. Again, he is quiet and I talk all the time. Always seem to be thinking about something, but we are acting like more-than-friends friends, and I hated that. I even asked him to go to a concert with me and he said no, he doesn't want to see a concert. I don't know what's up with this guy. He contacts me and does all the things, but he doesn't follow up to it. Why text me when he is not interested when we hang out? I feel stupid always going out with him. I have other guys chasing me but I didn't go out with any of them because I'm still a bit held up on this guy. Should I really just stop being friends overall? you dumped him, why are you hugging on him and hanging out with him? that's sending confusing signals to him, you can't be acting like that.
imtooconfused Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 you dumped him, why are you hugging on him and hanging out with him? that's sending confusing signals to him, you can't be acting like that. And then you ask why he is not forward enough. I am pretty confused about the signal you intend to give him, so he must think you are trying to really mess with his mind (hence the spacing out trying to understand what you really mean). If you are still interested in him, you have to very clearly open the door again (more than a concert invitation). If you are not interested in him, you need to have really clear boundaries (no more acting like a couple).
apple OR orange Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Being dumped then being asked out, that’s 101 getting tested to see how much "she" can use me, once dumped (or said no too) i never interact with that person ever again, never give them the opportunity to use you.
Author Sarah92 Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 I posted a reply on your other thread, but after reading this, I feel even more sympathy for both of you. Break ups are so hard, not just for the one dumped but for the one that does the dumping too. From the outside, it is previous obvious what is going on here. You guys broke up and now both seem to be regretting the decision. Neither one of you is willing to break the power struggle and just put it on the line. Unfortunately for you, you will have to be the one to do a little begging. You really hurt him by breaking up with him and he is justifiably nervous to put his feelings on the line again. If you want him back, then you have to tell him and make it pretty soon. However, if you just want to be friends, then you have to leave each other alone for awhile. In my opinion (I'm no expert, but I have had lots of experience ) it is nearly impossible to be friends while still holding on to the love feelings from the relationship. Hi, yeah thanks! This is an update for the other thread. The awkward thing is he never mentions the past, like it never happened. I don't either. I think that if we both can open up, then we can heal from the past. But then again, I don't know how to bring up the sensitive subject when he doesn't when to.
flitzanu Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Hi, yeah thanks! This is an update for the other thread. The awkward thing is he never mentions the past, like it never happened. I don't either. I think that if we both can open up, then we can heal from the past. But then again, I don't know how to bring up the sensitive subject when he doesn't when to. again, this all depends on your intentions. if you're trying to simply be friends, then you need to make that clear. if you want to pursue a relationship again, you need to make that clear. don't be fickle about it, just be up front and honest with what you want to happen.
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