CurlyIam Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 I read this thread, intittled "Bachlor party gone wrong and husband cheated" and I asked myself what I would do if I were that girl tht had known she had been cheated 2 days before the marriage. I wish I could say I sould have stopped the wedding. Which made me think that I have a lot of trouble letting go. I mean, after one has invested to much time and love and faith in the relationship... how do you build up the courage to just leave? I've left my ex some time ago and it was a most traumatic experience. Was about to give up my current bf recently. Didn't for a number of reasons. Maybe I should have. I don't know. Why on Earth do men take advantage of women once they feel they're assured? Once they feel they're inlove, at home, once they are practically sure of them? I thinking the back of their head they're thinking "so what will she do, dump me? Get real!" and go ahead and do it anyway because they think they can get away with it. Regardless to the damage they do to the relationship they're in, as long as it's still... there. Question for men Am I wrong? Isn't this how things really go? (a good answer would be that not all men d this and those who do this should not be dating me, if I can help it. What if it's there, what if this one happenes to you?) Question for both sexes Would you just leave if ou saw your bf/gf have his way? Would you leave if s/he would never compromise? At what cost? Where's the line that should not be crossed in your case? How much would you hang on to your relationship?
Jilly10340 Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 I think I could forgive anything but cheating. That's the one thing I can't tolerate and can't forget. It's the worst sign of disrespect. And cheating to me is anything that you wouldn't do with your bf/gf standing there watching. Even if I loved the person I would leave them so fast it would make their head spin. I don't know why men feel the need to have that one last "fling" before they get married. I mean, if they want to have sex with other people then why get married. You're marrying them because you want no other, right?
Author CurlyIam Posted September 29, 2004 Author Posted September 29, 2004 YEah, but you know, sometimes things aren't just right and wrong. Like he's either a cheater or he 's a stay at home hubby. For instance, in that case he got as drunk as a Christmass tree and he fingered a stripper. Ok, cheating stuff... But...if there are lots of argument and things you care about and he's not making any effort... when do you stop trying? Do you stop trying? Do you just give up? (My sis a mess these days and it's so easy to tell her to just leave. A lot of time and care...and I'm not even near her to help)
Jilly10340 Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 I been drunk quite a number of times but I've never done anything that I knew I would regret in the morning. And there we're plenty of oppurtunities. I think people still have some semblence of control when they're drunk. No one should ever let that be there excuse. It's not a good enough one. I think that if there are a lot of arguments, you have to ask yourself some things. Is it just him starting all the arguments? Do you have any blame in them? Is there anything the you yourself need to work on to stop arguing. When I used to argue with my ex it was soooo easy to blame it all on him but looking back, half of it was my fault too. It just wasn't him.... If he's just not making an effort to make things better, then it's time to give up. A relationship is not one sided. All relationships need to be worked on, and you can't do that if just one person is trying all the time. It needs to be both people. You need to be able to talk about things and TRY to work on them, together. It's time to give up when you just don't care anymore. If you love the person and think it's worth it, then stick around. You can only push yourself and try as far as you're willing to go. If your unwilling to try anymore, then it's time to leave.
YellowLioness Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 Why on Earth do men take advantage of women once they feel they're assured? Not all men do this. My fiance has never done this. However, I definately feel that most of the men I have dated have been this way. Why they do it? Probably because they're brought up to think that being a player is cool, where as women are brough up thinking a good girl is cool. Just different expectations between the sexes that rears its head in every day society. Question for both sexes Would you just leave if ou saw your bf/gf have his way? Would you leave if s/he would never compromise? At what cost? Where's the line that should not be crossed in your case? How much would you hang on to your relationship? If my boyfriend never wanted to compromise, I'm not sure that I'd be with him. I put up with way too much sh*t from men traditionally, so I'm not sure that I would have the sense to leave until he dumped me. However, since I've been with my man, I have a better sense of what's right and wrong in relationships. The three lines he could cross would be having an emotional affair, cheating, or beating on me. All of those are deal breakers for me. No matter how long we'd been together, any of these things would make me leave him. It would be very painful to do it just before a wedding, but I feel that that fact in itself would make me dump him all the quicker. Like I said, I'd hang on to my relationship through anything but those things. That includes if my partner was in a car accident, or got cancer, or diabetes, or any other long term, terminal illness. The only things I can't tolerate is when my partner does something willfully that they know will injure my health, my emotional state, or the relationship itself.
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