milka Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 This is my first post here, I would just like to get some opinions on something. I am from France but I go to University in the United States. In December I was asked out by a girl who lived there and even though I was doubtful about it in the beginning, I decided to give it a shot. Even though our relationship went off on a rocky start because of my lack in interest, we sorted things out quickly and the relationship turned into something really strong. I promised her to work on being more engaged in the relationship, and that is exactly what I did. Everything changed, and we fell in love with each other. And well, 6 months later, the end of the spring semester was there and I had to leave for France for the summer for 3 months. As we were both 100% in the relationship at the time, there was no doubt in our minds that we were going to make the long distance work. Then, 2 weeks into the long distance chapter of our relationship (last week), we skyped and she told me that she has lost feelings and isnt sure anymore, and eventually breaks up with me during the same call. I told her to take a couple of days to think about it, and that we would talk again then. She agreed. A few days later she texts me asking to skype, and during that call I suggested a small plan. I asked her to come visit me in France, I would obviously pay everything. I wasnt planning on using this trip to force her back to me, but rather to let us have a final chance at this relationship. If by the end of the trip she still feels the same, she can go on and I will move on knowing that I tried my best. Well, she was very surprised yet seemed excited by the suggestion. She told me she really wants to, and started planning the trip and suggested dates during the same call. I told her to take a while to think about it. The next day I get a text from her saying that she cant do it, that she doesnt want to hurt me and that its not fair on me. I left her alone for another few days, and then we skyped again. This time it was like talking to a stranger, she was being really weird. She told me that its over. But then went on to say: do you want to bet on when I am going to come running back to you? I think it will be the first time I am drunk around you next semester. Why would she say that? I am so confused. I am a realist and I very rarely blow things out of proportion or give myself false hope. Ive gotten to know her inside out, and I know from her past decisions that she makes abrupt, bad decisions. I have been talking to her best friend because I know her really well, and she told me that she is just confused, and that I should just give her space and not contact her for a while. She told me that only 2 weeks before she broke up with me, she was telling her about how she loves me over everything, that she thinks that I am the one and that she can imagine spending the rest of her life with me. I havent spoken to her in a week now, and I am now working on building myself up again. I have started a healthy workout routine and have stopped smoking. I know we will never get our old relationship back, that is the past. But deep down i think she knows as well as me that this actually was meant to be, but it was just built on bad foundations. All I want is the chance to talk with her in person, to remind her what it is like... I want a fresh start with her. What is the best way forward? I plan to give her more time alone obviously... this means no contact for at least another month. Her friend says that she will possibly come running back to me, and that I should wait until we are back at University before I make any contact. But the truth is that I am scared of her forgetting about me in these 3 months to come. I plan to go back to the States beginning of July, and I would like to go and surprise her at her work. I would tell her that I dont intend to dwell on the past, but that I want a chance to talk. I dont only need her to know that ive changed but I want her to see the changes. I would give her an address of her favourite restaurant and tell her that ill be waiting there all night, just for the chance to talk. I dont really know, there is a lot of rubbish running through my mind right now. Thats why I just wanted to get some neutral opinions on what the hell is going on. Thanks!
siankat Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 When you say deep down she knows what is right, that it's meant to be, sometimes as you know, people don't always do what's right, they always give in to what they need. Some people feel they need things that are bad for them, for example, a lot of people believe the more money they have the happier they will be. To a point but not entirely. We all do what makes us that little bit happier, even if the means of getting there are misguided. I'm sorry yours and her idea of being together diverged. maybe heed the advice of her friend? and leave her be til she maybe comes to you and see how you feel if and when she does, in the mean time.....i don't even need to say it do i? Others will
Author milka Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 Yea I know what you mean. And yes that is what I plan to do, I am going to pull the no contact through until at least the beginning of July when I head back over there. I know her, and I know this is one of her decisions blinded by confusion. But we will see, I am not going to put my hopes up on anything obviously, I am just going to carry on moving on.
Recommended Posts