Its been six years and all i hear are excuses... ?

[Estate]

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 6 years now. He is 25, I am 24.

 

For 2 years i have been talking about marriage. (We don't live together, please do not judge that, I have no intention of living together before marriage. Boyfriend always knew that and never brought it up).

 

At first he said he was to young. I understood.

Now at 25 i think he has matured, we have been together for 6 years.

Now his excuse is his car: that he has to pay until 2016. He bought it back in 2010. At the time I told him that it would probably be better to buy a cheaper car. he said it was for him so he was going to do what ever he wants. Plus his dad had told him he would give him the car (it would be a present). However after 3 years my boyfriend is still paying the stupid lease on the car. Let me add its a BMW! I asked him to sell it and buy a less expensive car, so we could get our lives together. He keeps making up excuses like no one will buy it or changes the subject etc. BTW he loves the stupid car.

 

He says I am the woman of his life and wants to marry me. But where are his actions?

 

I am so sick of talking about this. What do I do? All I see is talk. We are always arguing about this because I want an answer.

I am thinking of starting my Masters and getting on with my life. I was thinking of getting out of the country (I live in Portugal). I am fluent in Portuguese and English. I would like to add my boyfriend would never leave the country with me because he works on his dads farm and will probably pick that up. I am really thinking of leaving this relationship. I feel like he is choosing a stupid car over a future together. Its been 6 years.

 

Am I being reasonable?

 

Ugh, I can't even bare to go over all of the things wrong with this but it boils down to... he should give up anything he wants to buy you a ring.

Life doesn't work that way love... push him far enough and you'll see how difficult the single life is at your age, can't be happy with what you have no?

 

BTW, you sound like an absolute joy to marry... I can't wait to settle down and put a ring on the finger of a girl who think everything I like is unimportant and "stupid" so that SHE can live the life she wants off my hard work... wow... If you're that unhappy then dump him, he deserves better than you.

[apple OR orange]

never ever disrespect a guys car, esp a BMW, i'm paying 6k service bill on mine, best thing that ever happened.

 

Anyway, sounds like you’re in different places, and if you keep on at him he will be valid to just leave you by the wayside and keep the car that never complains and just keeps giving.

[hppr]

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 6 years now. He is 25, I am 24.

 

For 2 years i have been talking about marriage. (We don't live together, please do not judge that, I have no intention of living together before marriage. Boyfriend always knew that and never brought it up).

 

At first he said he was to young. I understood.

Now at 25 i think he has matured, we have been together for 6 years.

Now his excuse is his car: that he has to pay until 2016. He bought it back in 2010. At the time I told him that it would probably be better to buy a cheaper car. he said it was for him so he was going to do what ever he wants. Plus his dad had told him he would give him the car (it would be a present). However after 3 years my boyfriend is still paying the stupid lease on the car. Let me add its a BMW! I asked him to sell it and buy a less expensive car, so we could get our lives together. He keeps making up excuses like no one will buy it or changes the subject etc. BTW he loves the stupid car.

 

He says I am the woman of his life and wants to marry me. But where are his actions?

 

I am so sick of talking about this. What do I do? All I see is talk. We are always arguing about this because I want an answer.

I am thinking of starting my Masters and getting on with my life. I was thinking of getting out of the country (I live in Portugal). I am fluent in Portuguese and English. I would like to add my boyfriend would never leave the country with me because he works on his dads farm and will probably pick that up. I am really thinking of leaving this relationship. I feel like he is choosing a stupid car over a future together. Its been 6 years.

 

Am I being reasonable?

 

If you see yourself with this guy on the farm then stay. If you want to go some place else (I don't know where the Portuguese dream about going, Paris? London? NY?) then leave. Also just so you know women are almost always the ones who push for marriage, men rarely do, so if you want him to marry you then asking nicely won't cut it. You have to put your boot to his ass.

[hppr]

He lives at home, the beginning and the end for him is a car. That boy is not ready for responsibilities and he knows it.

 

After 6 years he is trying to maintain the status quo. What does he get out of marriage that he doesn't have now?

[Estate]

I simply can't believe the people supporting this girl ehre and calling the guy a deadbeat!

 

He is 25 years old! He has his WHOLE life ahead of him... why does he need a wife and kids and mortgage and all that comes with it right now?

There is NOTHING wrong with wanting to wait a little longer for that. Just because he won't marry and give up everything at 25 doesn't mean he isn't madly in love with this girl.

 

Her attitude is just shocking. She wants to live the life and have the sparkly ring but his car is "stupid"...

 

You can tell this girl has been in a relationship a long time because she has NO idea what adult relationships and dating is all about. She'd be in for a hard landing if she found herself single again.... what guy out there would date her with these attitude if she met him tomorrow? NONE!

[TaraMaiden]

Well, Sadly for you, the majority feel she's waited long enough.

There's only a finite time for a woman to have a family.

 

She's approaching her prime.

 

He's acting like a 9-year-old.

[Soxfaninfl]

 

Her attitude is just shocking. She wants to live the life and have the sparkly ring but his car is "stupid"...

 

 

Yes, his car is stupid. It just a ****ing car. It's a hunk of metal on four rubber tires. It's replaceable. She is unquie and will never find another women like her. I regret pissing away money in my twenties on cars and should have given my ex-wife more attention. I will regret that for the rest of my life. He will learn the hard way.

[zanzi]

he's obviously not ready to get married. theres is so much more to life then ending up in a permanent contract with someone in your twenties. twenties is when your supposed to travel/study/find yourself and have fun.

[Keenly]

 

At first he said he was to young. I understood.

Now at 25 i think he has matured, we have been together for 6 years.

 

 

 

Does anyone else not see this?

 

 

 

SHE decided, that HE was ready to get married.

 

 

Red. Freaking. Flag.. for him.

 

 

If he loves you, he LOVES you, there is no need to pressure anyone into anything, because a piece of paper and a ring is not going to make your relationship better.

[Keenly]

Yes, his car is stupid. It just a ****ing car. It's a hunk of metal on four rubber tires. It's replaceable. She is unquie and will never find another women like her. I regret pissing away money in my twenties on cars and should have given my ex-wife more attention. I will regret that for the rest of my life. He will learn the hard way.

 

 

This is judgmental elitism is what this.

 

 

Your things are not important to me, therefore its stupid. You are taking what he likes and demeaning it because you are viewing it through YOUR experience.

[ScreamingTrees]

Ladies and gents, bugs and germs! In this corner, standing at 5'1, 100 lbs! "Your things are not important to me, therefore they are stupid!"

 

In the other corner, at a whopping 5'9, 160 lbs! "You are not as important to me as my things, therefore you are stupid!"

 

Alrighty, maggots! I want a good, clean fight! No shots below the belt! LIT'S GIDDIT AWN!

 

DING DING DING!

Edited May 19, 2013 by ScreamingTrees

[zanzi]

if you ask me marrying him would be a mistake. If you marry it wont solve your problems, indeed he will resent you for pushing the matter. You may indeed love him but there are a lot of issues between the two of you you both need to speak about and try to resolve before you think of getting married. Divorce is a very messy thing.

[Soxfaninfl]

This is judgmental elitism is what this.

 

 

Your things are not important to me, therefore its stupid. You are taking what he likes and demeaning it because you are viewing it through YOUR experience.

 

He'll learn the hard way.

[FitChick]

You both have outgrown each other. He is happy staying a child, living at home in a small town. You have bigger dreams and are more intelligent. You have your whole life ahead of you. Get your master's degree and see something of the world. Soon you will wonder why you even got upset over him. Don't look at this as time wasted, look at it as practice for your next, real relationship with Mr. Right.

[jmwinters]

Obviously he is not ready for marriage. You have to be open. Ask him what is his plan for marriage like when. You are 24 now time is precious for you.