rakel_aki Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 (edited) Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 6 years now. He is 25, I am 24. For 2 years i have been talking about marriage. (We don't live together, please do not judge that, I have no intention of living together before marriage. Boyfriend always knew that and never brought it up). At first he said he was to young. I understood. Now at 25 i think he has matured, we have been together for 6 years. Now his excuse is his car: that he has to pay until 2016. He bought it back in 2010. At the time I told him that it would probably be better to buy a cheaper car. he said it was for him so he was going to do what ever he wants. Plus his dad had told him he would give him the car (it would be a present). However after 3 years my boyfriend is still paying the stupid lease on the car. Let me add its a BMW! I asked him to sell it and buy a less expensive car, so we could get our lives together. He keeps making up excuses like no one will buy it or changes the subject etc. BTW he loves the stupid car. He says I am the woman of his life and wants to marry me. But where are his actions? I am so sick of talking about this. What do I do? All I see is talk. We are always arguing about this because I want an answer. I am thinking of starting my Masters and getting on with my life. I was thinking of getting out of the country (I live in Portugal). I am fluent in Portuguese and English. I would like to add my boyfriend would never leave the country with me because he works on his dads farm and will probably pick that up. I am really thinking of leaving this relationship. I feel like he is choosing a stupid car over a future together. Its been 6 years. Am I being reasonable? Edited May 18, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
TaraMaiden Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Yup. I would have bailed at - he said it was for him so he was going to do what ever he wants. That's when he prioritised. That's when the red flag should have been flapping like a maniac in your face. You've waited all this time? You'll wait another 6 at this rate.
Iama Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 (edited) How does a car interfere with a relationship? Now honestly it is a bit unattractive that he's in debt for a stupid car, but that's beyond the point. The point is, YOU want marriage - HE doesn't. If this is a deal breaker for you, then leave... Why are you even arguing, he's obviously not ready... Edited May 18, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
runningfar Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 I'd be out of there. Marriage isn't that expensive. My ex and I had a wedding and spent very little. He doesn't want to be married. You do. Get your degree, explore the world- before you regret it and resent him anyway 1
TaraMaiden Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 (edited) How does a car interfere with a relationship? Like this: ... Now his excuse is his car: that he has to pay until 2016. He bought it back in 2010. At the time I told him that it would probably be better to buy a cheaper car. he said it was for him so he was going to do what ever he wants. Plus his dad had told him he would give him the car (it would be a present). However after 3 years my boyfriend is still paying the stupid lease on the car. Let me add its a BMW! I asked him to sell it and buy a less expensive car, so we could get our lives together. He keeps making up excuses like no one will buy it or changes the subject etc. BTW he loves the stupid car. He says I am the woman of his life and wants to marry me. But where are his actions? I am so sick of talking about this. What do I do? All I see is talk. We are always arguing about this because I want an answer. I am thinking of starting my Masters and getting on with my life. I was thinking of getting out of the country (I live in Portugal). I am fluent in Portuguese and English. I would like to add my boyfriend would never leave the country with me because he works on his dads farm and will probably pick that up. I am really thinking of leaving this relationship. I feel like he is choosing a stupid car over a future together. Its been 6 years. Got it now, Iama? Edited May 18, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
stillafool Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 He really sounds too immature to get married. 25 is very young for a man to marry. OP don't waste your years if marriage is what you want. Maybe find someone older who is ready for marriage. Your bf probably won't be ready to marry for another 5 or 6 years.
soccerrprp Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Like others are saying. He doesn't want marriage. Move on. 1
Soxfaninfl Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Like others are saying. He doesn't want marriage. Move on. If he truly loves you then he would marry you. He wouldn't risk losing you if he loved you that much. I married my wife when I was 24. 2
phineas Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 If he truly loves you then he would marry you. He wouldn't risk losing you if he loved you that much. I married my wife when I was 24. Are you still married?
TaraMaiden Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Are you still married? It doesn't matter. He knew when he married her, that it's what he wanted to do.
Soxfaninfl Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Are you still married? No, we divorced in September of 2011. I'm 37 now. She left me for another man.
joystickd Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 6 years now. He is 25, I am 24. For 2 years i have been talking about marriage. (We don't live together, please do not judge that, I have no intention of living together before marriage. Boyfriend always knew that and never brought it up). At first he said he was to young. I understood. Now at 25 i think he has matured, we have been together for 6 years. Now his excuse is his car: that he has to pay until 2016. He bought it back in 2010. At the time I told him that it would probably be better to buy a cheaper car. he said it was for him so he was going to do what ever he wants. Plus his dad had told him he would give him the car (it would be a present). However after 3 years my boyfriend is still paying the stupid lease on the car. Let me add its a BMW! I asked him to sell it and buy a less expensive car, so we could get our lives together. He keeps making up excuses like no one will buy it or changes the subject etc. BTW he loves the stupid car. He says I am the woman of his life and wants to marry me. But where are his actions? I am so sick of talking about this. What do I do? All I see is talk. We are always arguing about this because I want an answer. I am thinking of starting my Masters and getting on with my life. I was thinking of getting out of the country (I live in Portugal). I am fluent in Portuguese and English. I would like to add my boyfriend would never leave the country with me because he works on his dads farm and will probably pick that up. I am really thinking of leaving this relationship. I feel like he is choosing a stupid car over a future together. Its been 6 years. Am I being reasonable? Well you shouldn't be upset you played yourself. Just end the relationship and move on. Damn after 1 marriage should come up.
Author rakel_aki Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 Thanks everyone! He says he does want to marry me and loves me. And I am the woman of his life. Thats where I get really confused! But I ask for us to go have a talk with his parents and see what they say about the car since his dad said they would give it to him (that way he wouldn't lose me and the car) and he doesn't want to. he says they wont listen. I ask him to sell it. he says no one will buy it. So I ask him for a solution. So I don't have to wait another 3 YEARS! and he says he doesn't have one! Well I don't know what to do then. I am sick and tired of this. Is it fair for me to end a 6 year relationship because I want to take the next step in our relationship? He says he does too but they are all words! Ugh i feel sick. I am really gonna start thinking about getting my masters and traveling. I am sick of waiting on him. I have to admit I would rather marry him and start a family with him then travel the world. But I cant wait any longer. Our relationship has come to an end. I cant keep living like this with him. I am tired. I want the next step. Am I being unfair asking him to sell the car? He will lose his stupid social status to his friends, but our life will get on its ways.
Almond_Joy Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 I am thinking of starting my Masters and getting on with my life. I was thinking of getting out of the country (I live in Portugal). I am fluent in Portuguese and English. I would like to add my boyfriend would never leave the country with me because he works on his dads farm and will probably pick that up. I am really thinking of leaving this relationship. So you're willing to cast aside all the plans you made for your future because this guy doesn't want to commit? :-/ Most people know around the 2 year mark whether they want to marry the person they're with. You're right, if he really wanted to make this happen he'd have done something about it without you riding his a** over it all the time. You sound like you'll be dragging him to the altar if he does consent at this point. For whatever reason, he doesn't want to marry you. Leave him and move on.
Author rakel_aki Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 How does a car interfere with a relationship? Because a big chuck of his wage goes to pay the car. He is living at home since he works on his parents farm (dairy) so he has little expenses. But if we get married, he is gonna move out and the expenses are bigger. Yes I work, but in no way am I gonna be struggling at the end of the month to pay bills because of a stupid car. So thats why I tell him: He sells it, he finds a way to pay or I am out. I am not waiting another 3 years. And he wants me and the car but that can't happen. So I am stuck...
Author rakel_aki Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 So you're willing to cast aside all the plans you made for your future because this guy doesn't want to commit? :-/ Most people know around the 2 year mark whether they want to marry the person they're with. You're right, if he really wanted to make this happen he'd have done something about it without you riding his a** over it all the time. You sound like you'll be dragging him to the altar if he does consent at this point. For whatever reason, he doesn't want to marry you. Leave him and move on. I feel like I am dragging him to the alter. And its stupid and I DONT want that. I just want him to open his freakin eyes. And it really confuses me that he says he loves me and wants to marry me, but his actions speak louder than his words. He wont give up the car
TaraMaiden Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Is it fair for me to end a 6 year relationship because I want to take the next step in our relationship? He says he does too but they are all words! You just hit the big fat nail with the 40lb sledgehammer. "Actions speak louder than words." He says, he says,m he says. yet when it comes to 'he does, he does he does.....Oh, look! Big fat zero! He's keeping you holding on - because guess what? He can! He's taking it for granted that you will stick around because up to now, that's what you've always done! You've said please. He's said no. Repeatedly. And yet, here you are. Still here. Well how's that workin' for ya...? Ok, the time has come to decide just for how much longer you feel he is justified in expecting you to still hang around. 1
Soxfaninfl Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 So you're willing to cast aside all the plans you made for your future because this guy doesn't want to commit? :-/ Most people know around the 2 year mark whether they want to marry the person they're with. You're right, if he really wanted to make this happen he'd have done something about it without you riding his a** over it all the time. You sound like you'll be dragging him to the altar if he does consent at this point. For whatever reason, he doesn't want to marry you. Leave him and move on. I hate to say it but Almond_Joy is right. I married my wife after two years of dating. I truly loved her, and nothing would stand in my way of marring her. I worked two jobs for a year to pay for my wedding. He is too consumed with a material thing when love is more important than everything else.
Drseussgrrl Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Thanks everyone! He says he does want to marry me and loves me. And I am the woman of his life. Thats where I get really confused! But I ask for us to go have a talk with his parents and see what they say about the car since his dad said they would give it to him (that way he wouldn't lose me and the car) and he doesn't want to. he says they wont listen. I ask him to sell it. he says no one will buy it. So I ask him for a solution. So I don't have to wait another 3 YEARS! and he says he doesn't have one! Well I don't know what to do then. I am sick and tired of this. Is it fair for me to end a 6 year relationship because I want to take the next step in our relationship? He says he does too but they are all words! Ugh i feel sick. I am really gonna start thinking about getting my masters and traveling. I am sick of waiting on him. I have to admit I would rather marry him and start a family with him then travel the world. But I cant wait any longer. Our relationship has come to an end. I cant keep living like this with him. I am tired. I want the next step. Am I being unfair asking him to sell the car? He will lose his stupid social status to his friends, but our life will get on its ways. Girl go get that passport ready and go grab life by the balls. It's passing you by as you wait for your bf to grow up. Many men aren't ready for marriage until they're a bit older. You never know who you could meet along the way. Meanwhile your bf will have his car to keep him warm at night.
Soxfaninfl Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 You just hit the big fat nail with the 40lb sledgehammer. "Actions speak louder than words." He says, he says,m he says. yet when it comes to 'he does, he does he does.....Oh, look! Big fat zero! He's keeping you holding on - because guess what? He can! He's taking it for granted that you will stick around because up to now, that's what you've always done! You've said please. He's said no. Repeatedly. And yet, here you are. Still here. Well how's that workin' for ya...? Ok, the time has come to decide just for how much longer you feel he is justified in expecting you to still hang around. TaraMaiden is so right. Please listen to her.
Emilia Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Because a big chuck of his wage goes to pay the car. He is living at home since he works on his parents farm (dairy) so he has little expenses. But if we get married, he is gonna move out and the expenses are bigger. Yes I work, but in no way am I gonna be struggling at the end of the month to pay bills because of a stupid car. So thats why I tell him: He sells it, he finds a way to pay or I am out. I am not waiting another 3 years. And he wants me and the car but that can't happen. So I am stuck... He lives at home, the beginning and the end for him is a car. That boy is not ready for responsibilities and he knows it. 1
Soxfaninfl Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 I feel like I am dragging him to the alter. And its stupid and I DONT want that. I just want him to open his freakin eyes. And it really confuses me that he says he loves me and wants to marry me, but his actions speak louder than his words. He wont give up the car I hate to say it, but sometimes people have to lose what they have to realize what they had. He may find that out when it's too late. 1
Almond_Joy Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 I hate to say it, but sometimes people have to lose what they have to realize what they had. He may find that out when it's too late. ^^This. I wanted to leave it out but I would bet money that as soon as you break it off he will not only say he wants to marry you but start looking for venues or saving money....take some kind of action to show that he really wants to marry you after you leave. Some people are just like that. You give them time and you're patient and they don't do anything but as soon as you throw in the towel - THEN they're ready. Do you want someone that you have to threaten to leave every time you want something done that's suppossed to be important to both of you? There are men out there who will be proactive about building a future with you without you prompting and nagging. 3
phineas Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 It doesn't matter. He knew when he married her, that it's what he wanted to do. It does because.... No, we divorced in September of 2011. I'm 37 now. She left me for another man. This is how most of my friends who married in their early twenties ended up eventually.
Soxfaninfl Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 It does because.... This is how most of my friends who married in their early twenties ended up eventually. I have two friends that are still married and they married even younger than I. Both have been married for over 16 years. My wife's love for me wasn't true love for me. It was for her, but it wasn't the other way around.
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