2266CA Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Please see this thread If you want the ENTIRE back story. PLEASE HELP. I AM DESPERATE HERE. Quick summary: I dated a girl for 1.5 years, were both 24 with good careers and our lives together, and we spent at least 50 hrs a week together. It was love within the first 2 weeks. I broke up with her on January 27th mostly because I had GIGs. I told her I needed to find what I wanted in life. I needed to do it alone. She was hertbroken, but I tried to comfort her the best I could. I did my own thing for 2.5 months and tried my best to sort out what I wanted in life..... We were NC that whole time. I really wish I'd texted her to just see how she was doing, but I was too scared it meant we'd have to get right back together... Okay so. I tried to reconnect and she truly rejected me after my third attempt over a 3 week period. I sent flowers and a letter and she sent the following in response: "I honestly hope you made all those changes you listed, and I hope you're happy with them. More importantly, I hope you did it for yourself and not for me. However, I told you I wasn't ready to talk to you, and I meant it, and I still mean it. Yes, people make mistakes, but you can't just expect me to forgive and forget all of your mistakes on your timeline. There are consequences for every mistake. You knew this was a consequence when you made your decision to leave. I bent over backwards to try to make you happy and you still wanted to be single. You got what you wanted, and I'm sorry that the grass isn't greener on the other side. I am not the bad guy for needing some time to myself after the fact. For the last time, please leave me alone, allow me to move on with my life, and find some happiness of my own - I suggest you do the same. Please do not contact me after this. If or when I'm ready to talk, I will contact you. " It's been 18 days since then and I have respected her wishes, but I have been in agony. I know most will say MOVE ON, but I can't give up. She is the love of my life and i just went through 3 months figuring that out and understanding what I really wanted! I know she is online dating now too, but does not have a partner yet or is seeing anyone regularly What do you think of sending this back to her? : "I thought a lot about what you said in your email. In my entire life, I have never felt as much pain and emptiness as I have in the past month. I never stopped loving you, and I still do. I needed some time to myself to sort some issues out and I stayed faithful to you the whole time, yes, I went on some dinner dates, but it was nothing more. I thought this was understood when we talked about "spirit paths" and we said "talk to you later". I did just that, I went on a "spirit path" but I know now, it took me too long (2.5 months in a lifetime doesn't seem long, but I understand it can be) and it was too selfish of a thing to do. I never said I don't love you anymore, but I now understand you should never leave someone you love. Looking at it from your point of view, you have every right to be angry with me. Yes, I made mistakes, and yes, I am paying for them. That includes when I tried to reconnect with you. I thought we would be able to talk since we didn't have a bad breakup and we have a long history. I realize now my first attempt to contact with you was incredibly weird and not in the best way; I was nervous and I didn’t give you time to think. Then, when that didn't go well, I guess, I turned into a crazy person. From showing up at your apt, to listening to your mother (who contacted me and I thought I could talk to since we were friends - don’t be mad at her), and finally, making the match acct, which, I have since removed. I wish I’d never hurt you in the first place, or that on Valentine’s Day when I bought flowers for you and drove to your place with them, I’d given them to you and talked to you then. Instead, I sat outside and realized I couldn’t reconnect till I was 100% ready, so I left. Loving someone can really make you act crazy… In the end, all the above words probably mean nothing. I don’t know if you trust me anymore. Actions are all that really matter. I remember when you told me how xxxx's husband got her back; I would do the same for you to show I am 100% dedicated, but I have to respect you request. Below is the only action I feel I can take to show you I mean what I am saying. I care about you and want you to be truly happy. If, by respecting your wish for time and space from here on and staying out of your life helps brings you happiness, I will do so. You gave me time and let me go. It's my turn to do the same. I truly do love you. If I don't hear from you, I wish you the best of luck wherever you go. You deserve to find someone who makes you happy and can see in you what I know to be true. Please do not hide your future relationships from me; I will be happy for you." Looking for thoughts. Strategies? Ideas? PLEASE
Author 2266CA Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 There is truly no chance of fixing this? I cant stand the thought of just leaving it. I want to marry this girl!
siankat Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 I agree with the other responders and would just add that you can remain open to her if she contacts you. You did this for a reason, you got it out your system, she accepted what you did, now you need to show her the same love and respect for what she is doing. I'm not saying all is lost. But you have to suck it up, dig deep and accept you are single now.
TaraMaiden Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Sorry, 2266CA - you literally did ask for this: Now you have it. There's only one thing that will change her mind, and that's her mind. Leave her alone, and make every effort to move on with your life. The more you pine, the more time you waste. Respect her boundaries. This isn't just about you. This is her request. Send that email, and i can guarantee, just as Monday follows Sunday, you will be dead to her. 2
Ginger Blondecat Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 I read your prior post. This woman is Sooooooo done . Leave her alone.
Njeanne Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Sorry, but you ruined a good relationship. Never leave because you think there might be something better out there, because 99% of the times there isn't anything better. You dumpers always think "Oh I can leave, she'll be there waiting for me when I wanna come back home" Well boo-hoo, I am glad she wrote you off. Sorry if it sounds horrible, but she is right, you made a decision to say "you aren't good enough for me" why would she wait for you? 1
siankat Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 You got gigs from gigs....you sure you feel she's the one cos if not....leave her be i.e. there will be another breakup on the cards 1
FailedFirstLove Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 You should take this time to sort yourself out. if you BELEIVE it was gigs then it doesn't just go away in a short period of time. are you sure that its not the fact that she's moving on that is making you want her back? people want what they don't have anymore. But really figure it out and wen your ready she WIL be ready to talk. She let you have the break so why not let her go for now. It's not fair to assume she's going to be there waiting for you. If you really want her back you will wait for her
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