delayedreaction Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 So bf and I broke up. I felt guilty for the way it ended even though he did A LOT of hurtful things, ie. cheating, lying, etc. A couple days ago decided to give it another try and was pretty much treated earlier today like he couldn't care less if I were in his life or not and at first I was very upset and feeling very stupid for trying to make amends and trying to bend over backwards to make it work. I don't know where it came from but around one tonight I decided that even though I loved him, us not being together was right for ME and I sent him a text pretty much telling him that. Wasn't long, wasn't mean. Just that I hadn't been happy in our relationship for a long time and that us talking for the past couple of days was probably a mistake. It's more than he has ever given me. Normally I find out we are broken up after he's ignored me for a couple of days. I didn't expect a response as the way he had been acting and knowing how he acts when he is done with me showed that once again he didn't want it to work. I did however get a text and this is the moment that cemented in me that I was absolutely, 100% making the right decision. Word for word his response was "f you, f you, u dirty f-ing skank". I have not once cheated or lied to him in the three years we have been together, nor have I even behaved in a way that would make anyone think that I am like that and he knows this. Following that text was "please talk to me", "I know ur up", "Heeeeeeeeey", and "stooooooop I misssssss uuuuuu" and then four phone calls one nearly after the other. First of all, when he broke up with me I pretty much respected that and went NC. There was no name calling or begging. I took it for what it was. Second, his cruel, name calling response he gave me afterwards showed me that it was more of a shot to his ego that I didn't want to be with him than anything else, and third, the responses following the first just seem insulting, as if he thinks that's all he needs to say in order for me to go back to being on the back burner. I was so miserable when he broke up with me last week. So heartbroken and filled with regret and guilt. I felt so horrible about myself. I couldn't eat or sleep or really do anything because I was so overwhelmed with the pain of him leaving. And then the hope that was crushed after we decided to try and work on things and the embarrassment I felt after trying so hard to convince him that I would change after he spent two days telling me what I wanted to hear for whatever reason only to do a 180 the next day. To now feeling okay that it's ending, is something that I did not expect. I know I'll probably still miss him because we spent the last three years together and I still have feelings for him obviously and I'm not saying it will be easy to overcome them. There will still be ups and downs but I definitely feel like I'm in a healthier place right now than I was for the past week. I feel stronger at the moment than I ever have any other time we have broken up. Any hope that I had in his words, in us working out, in there being real love there that would help us get through anything...it's all gone. I feel like for the first time I'm seeing what our relationship actually was rather than what I wanted to see it as and it feels good. 4
TaraMaiden Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Glad you've 'woken up to smell the coffee'! D'you take sugar...?!
TearyEyedPride Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 it's bittersweet but the bitter will fade and the sweeter will grow stronger.
EnTT Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 To now feeling okay that it's ending, is something that I did not expect. I know I'll probably still miss him because we spent the last three years together and I still have feelings for him obviously and I'm not saying it will be easy to overcome them. There will still be ups and downs but I definitely feel like I'm in a healthier place right now than I was for the past week. I feel stronger at the moment than I ever have any other time we have broken up. Any hope that I had in his words, in us working out, in there being real love there that would help us get through anything...it's all gone. I feel like for the first time I'm seeing what our relationship actually was rather than what I wanted to see it as and it feels good. That's really great. I'm working my way to get on your level, and reading stories like these helps. Especially your last paragraph... Bittersweet is what it truly is. Thanks for sharing your story, best of luck in your NC.
BustedUpInside Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Good for you! It takes a very emotionally strong and mature person to be able to see the reality of a situation is in contrast to the dream of what the person wants reality to be. You have made a very wise choice here, as evidenced by his childish insults, and I think you know already how much happier you will be after you take some time to adjust to being single. Really great job 1
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