aisuru Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 (edited) Just got home from a dinner out... that was pretty much a date. That I thought was just catching up with an old friend (man). But he is obviously interested. Damnit. Guess he thought he could move in? I dunno. Just know that we had a great dinner at a great restaurant. And then walked to a restaurant that I have only been to with my ex over the past year for drinks at the bar (my ex would take me there for dinner as it's my fave in town). *sigh* I miss my ex. I know, I know. I'm pretty much buzzed and still won't text him so we're good there. Removed all chance of that even if I wanted to. But I miss him. Wish I'd done things differently through the relationship, even if I think things are working out as they should. F, F, F. Lame and doesn't matter, but I wonder if he thinks of me at all. He was so focused on me for so long, that this silence is surprising. I miss him. I don't even know what to think or say right now. Technically, we're on the cusp of going the longest of no contact of two weeks here in a day or two. But it's complicated. Aren't they all....? I've only seen him once in 9 weeks so that should count for something. Edited May 18, 2013 by aisuru Link to post Share on other sites
Author aisuru Posted May 18, 2013 Author Share Posted May 18, 2013 I want my boyfriend back. Bottom line. Right or wrong. That's where I am at. I won't contact him. I miss him. I have regrets. I won't contact him cause I know it won't matter. F. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 Crap. Leave the computer. Grab a coat and go for a long, fast, brisk walk. Just plough ahead, and keep walking until you think "phukk this, I'm going back home for a coffee." Do something. But plough through it hun..... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aisuru Posted May 18, 2013 Author Share Posted May 18, 2013 Erm, I'm in a pretty safe part of L.A. but not safe enough to walk alone this time of night! Especially this drunk!!! Of course, I'm a little paranoid, so whatever... Not while crying, something I really haven't done since the true breakup. This is my night I guess. *sigh* The reality is that I will be okay tomorrow. ****ty breakup/****ty recovery. Big deal. Everybody has their story.... Tonight I cry and it feels good. Even if I miss him. That's life. I think it's bull**** that he did it this way. I deserved better. I thought our relationship was better than this. I miss him so much right now. Avoidance is apparently the cure. I'm surprised at how upset I am tonight.... Unexpected... I wish it could be different. Tonight, I am crying more than I have in the past. So annoying.... I miss him... Link to post Share on other sites
Author aisuru Posted May 18, 2013 Author Share Posted May 18, 2013 Sorry... Grrr. This is not me. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 Ok. You're drunk. Alcohol will do this. Weaken your defences, and depress you more. It's a known depressant, much as people believe it to be 'an escape' (and I'm not including you in this, I think you're more "aware" than that!) they will drink 'to forget' but in fact, the alcohol just makes things 100 times more memorable. Wait until you sober up, and have a sleep. Things will look different in the cool light of day. With a hangover. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 Sorry you had a rough night, lady. Sending hugs, good thoughts, and virtual chocolate. M. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aisuru Posted May 18, 2013 Author Share Posted May 18, 2013 Ahhhh alcohol. Oh well. I had the best cry I've had in a couple months, and actually slept beyond 8am (woke up at 10am) so I feel better. No hangover. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 :bunny: I second that!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SadPanda22 Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 I am glad that you are feeling better today and are hangover free I am sorry that you had a rough night, if was most definitely not a setback though. Alcohol is bad news, especially when you are going through a difficult time emotionally. I have been in NC with my previous ex for over a year now (since the day that he broke up with me). The two times that I attempted to get in contact with him last summer I was piss ass drunk. Lucky for me I had deleted all of his contact information from my phone and in my drunken stupor I couldn’t remember his number. I don’t even want to imagine how sloppy and embarrassing those conversations would have been had I actually gotten a hold of him…ugh I am staying away from the booze this time around. Been there, done that, and it just isn’t worth it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BustedUpInside Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 Glad you feel better today . I have definitely had one of those nights, and could only thank my lucky stars that I had forgotten my phone at home that night. I am glad that you got through it and are having an easier time today! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
maturityassets Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 Didn't you end the relationship with him? I remember in a previous post you said how you ended the relationship because you were no longer romantically interested and just want the friendship. And like I said of course he thinks about you, he thinks of you as a lover though. I think you need to really re-evaluate where you are at in all of this if you are tempted to contact him when drunk Link to post Share on other sites
Author aisuru Posted May 18, 2013 Author Share Posted May 18, 2013 Didn't you end the relationship with him? I remember in a previous post you said how you ended the relationship because you were no longer romantically interested and just want the friendship. And like I said of course he thinks about you, he thinks of you as a lover though. I think you need to really re-evaluate where you are at in all of this if you are tempted to contact him when drunk Nope. He broke up with me. Though I had some concerns and probably should have ended it myself. I would never contact him, even when drunk. Doesn't mean I don't miss him, even while sober. Link to post Share on other sites
maturityassets Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 Nope. He broke up with me. Though I had some concerns and probably should have ended it myself. I would never contact him, even when drunk. Doesn't mean I don't miss him, even while sober. So he broke up with you? Did he break up with you because he didn't feel you were committed anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
EnTT Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 Sorry you're feeling/felt that way.. You do seem to have a pretty good grasp on staying strong though, so that's great. I'm trying myself to do the same, so keep it up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aisuru Posted May 19, 2013 Author Share Posted May 19, 2013 So he broke up with you? Did he break up with you because he didn't feel you were committed anymore? No, not that I'm aware of. He didn't give a reason but it's for the best. Considering I've been pretty down today, sleeping on the couch off and on with no desire to get out and going, I don't really feel like delving into it today. I hope you understand. I miss him. I miss his friendship. I don't miss the sexual/romantic part, though there is a part of me that would like to be back in a relationship with him. My story is posted here somewhere if you'd like to read it. It's long though. I don't feel like retyping it out, even in short form. It's been almost two weeks since we've exchanged any type of communication, which is the longest for us since breaking up two months ago. I've been doing well. Putting my life together, committing to self care, spending time processing the emotions, and looking forward. I think last night, the dinner with my "friend" set me in a weird headspace. He kept touching me in a way you do to show interest. And I hate that kind of stuff. It just kind of made me miss my ex that much more. I'll be okay. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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