superchickpink Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 This is a bit of a long story, about four years ago I met the man of my dreams. When I first visited him at his home I thought it a little strange his parents lived next door, he said it was just coincidence that a rented house had come up there. I thought nothing more of it until he invited me to move in with him. I agreed to move in two years ago though it was far away from my family and friends and the house was in the middle of nowhere. I enjoyed making it home at first but over time found that my bf's parents had no boundaries when it came to our relationship.They would often call three or four times a day at the house, many times entering without knocking, ringing his mobile many times a day, asking him to run errands, walking upstairs unannounced, his mum collecting his washing off the floor for laundry despite him being 33 etc. I tried to establish some boundaries with them but this would last for a while and then things would revert back. Eight months ago I found out I was pregnant, we were all delighted. I was concerned about the state of disrepair our house was in (the landlord was a rogue and wouldn't do any maintenance despite us paying rent) and argued with my bf to move out. He point blank refused to move anywhere and said that him and his parents would fix up the house. We argued and nearly split up over this but I reluctantly agreed to go along with it as was suffering with morning sickness and no strength to fight. Nothing happened for months with the house, we had no family vehicle also which made things worse with a baby on the way. His father offered to sell the car he had given to my bf as an inheritance (worth around £600) to help us. I was so happy as we were struggling buying the baby things and had no other options. A month went by of him promising to sell this vehicle yet he hadn't put it on ebay or in a garage for sale. I was trying to be patient but more anxious as my due date was ever closer. Another two weeks passed where he said he would try to sell to a friend but again nothing happened. I pressed my bf on this and argued for him to try to sort this out with his father urgently as we couldn't continue to live in the middle of nowhere with no car and a baby. My bf wouldn't push his dad on anything but told him to sell the car, he wouldn't stand up to either of his parents on this issue so I was starting to panic and worry more. I had a word with his dad and a few weeks ago he promised the car would go on ebay at the weekend. Nothing happened again. Two days later I phoned my bf up and asked him to speak to his father. Nothing happened!!!!! I eventually lost my rag with my bf and we had a massive falling out, I phoned his parents and made it clear how much this was affecting us and how unhappy I was. My bf has taken his parents side completely. His mother came round to the house while I was at work to have a go at me (according to my bf) and my bf agreed with her on this!!! My bf thinks I am driving a wedge between him and his parents which is not the case. I am eight months pregnant and just want stuff done. The biggest concern has been that his father was the one supposedly helping with all the work in the house but won't stick to his word even on the car. The house has not been gas safety checked,is smoke damaged from where a coal fire backed up and smoked a room out, needs a window fixing and there are rats under a shed in the garden. I have been out of my mind worrying about this stuff. My bf is no longer speaking to me because I have upset his parents and because I had lost my temper with him in a desperate attempt to make him see my point. He still refuses to move. I have moved out temporarily to live with relatives but still love my boyfriend and don't want my baby to live without her father. What do I do? How can I change this situation? I want to be with him but in a decent house nothing fancy and not next door to his parents.
Author superchickpink Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 (edited) I agree with you, I wish I had acted sooner on this but my feeling was always that he would change and see me as his family and especially now there is our child soon too I thought that would happen. It's an uphill struggle and I'm tired with pregnancy, you are so right that he is a parent's boy who hasn't grown up properly. I'm staying with relatives for now but will be looking for somewhere to live for me and baby, will be going back to work hopefully soon after baby is born so I can provide. I found out last month bf has not paid income taxes (he's self employed) for the past six years, I found a pile of letters from the Inland Revenue with demands for payment. His parents don't see it as a big deal and either does he. When I tried to get him to see an accountant he told me it's none of my business and to not get involved. Another big big reason why me and baby will not be staying. I doubt he will pay child support and think it will be up to me to provide, the child support agency won't be able to track him due to his non payment of taxes I think. Edited May 18, 2013 by superchickpink
anne1707 Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 I doubt he will pay child support and think it will be up to me to provide, the child support agency won't be able to track him due to his non payment of taxes I think. Seeeing as the Inland Revenue have his address (otherwise how would you find those letters) then he can quite definitely be traced by the CSA.
Author superchickpink Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 yes this is a no win situation, the taxes are bad but would be something we could have worked round if he was willing to see an accountant and sort it out. he was angry that I wanted to get involved with it and was putting pressure on him to sort it out x
KatZee Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Forgive yourself for continuing to remain with someone so immature and irresponsible. I think at this point it's clear that nothing you want from this "man" is ever going to get done. He's never going to be what you want him to be and he's been seriously sheltered and pampered by his parents, their hold on him is strong. You do have a baby coming but I wouldn't expect this guy to be the one who provides in any way. I'm glad you're taking all the right steps to getting your own place and being able to provide on your own. I would absolutely file for child support. But it's going to be tough if he's self employed. One of my friends has been battling child support for her son for YEARS, it is a never ending battle of court dates and nothing really seems to get done at all despite continuing to "threaten" him with court. Good luck.
Author superchickpink Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 I love him very much but he is irresponsible and immature, all these things weren't such a big issue when it was just me and him but now I'm expecting I can't see how anything will work when he won't grow up. He won't stand up for his new family (us) with his parents who abused him as a child (they beat him). I have always been there for him and looked out for him but see that now I have to let it go and focus on this little person I will give birth to soon xx
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