delayedreaction Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Things were bad but they were good. I was sad, miserable, hurt, everything but I had immediately started NC because it's the only thing I can do when this happens. I had him removed and blocked on fb but because of a pair of boots that aren't mine I had to make contact. Message was brief and only about the boots. Knowing him, I wasn't expecting a response back. I figured the boots would just end up at my sisters one day but he did respond back and I don't know why but I just felt the need to make the comment "so it's really over this time, eh". I had no intentions of anything, I don't think. It's just for the past three years we've broken up and always got back together and it felt different this time and for some reason I decided to mention that to him and again, to my surprise, he answered. To make a long story short, we ended up meeting up and talking about us. He seemed interested in making changes, in making this work and for that moment all the anxiety I could not get rid of since we broke up was gone and it felt sooo good. We agreed to try and honestly, as much as I wanted it my head would not stop telling me this was so bad. Don't do it. You're just going to end up feeling just as unhappy in it as you did before but I went ahead anyways. Two nights in a row we got together and just talked. I assumed we would get together tonight but after bringing it up twice I was told that he had plans with a friend to hang out for a while and he was sorry. I asked why he hadn't said anything the night before or when I asked if we were getting together later and he just said he didn't know and he was sorry. I was upset, he knew I was upset. I sent a couple more messages saying I didn't feel like he was taking this seriously and that I didn't want to be led on. That all he had to to do was say the word and we could go back to how it had been the past week and he just ignored and hasn't replied since. I know it sounds as though I may be over reacting but I know him. I know his behaviour when he just doesn't want it, just doesn't care and this is it. I was so upset at first and I just feel dumb now. I feel like I made a fool out of myself, talking as much as I did about what I would change and how and believing everything he said to me only to be shown that getting back together isn't something he actually wants. I definitely feel like a back up. Like he honestly just didn't have any prospects in those couple of days and hoped to tell me what I wanted to hear in order to sleep with me or ease the loneliness he was feeling. Ugh...I feel so so dumb.
KS11 Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Hi Delayed.. Im sorry you are going through this. Whilst reading your post it honestly felt like something I had written, so much so, I had to check my own. I even wrote that exact same message to my ex saying 'so this is really it'! First off, to be hard on yourself. Its so easy, when you want something so bad to work out to just think, maybe one more message or meet will make them see etc. From my own experience, and it sounds very similar. Me and my ex have been through nc periods before, mainly due to me wanting more than she could give. However, it always ended with her breaking it and getting in touch. This happened again recently and we met up a few times. However the same pattern reoccured. I sent a few messages, like you, she never replied. I can't even begin to understand how people who you've shared so much with, have said all this stuff about how much they care etc...can be so cold as to not reply. Its not the way I would chose to treat people. Im sorry I can't really offer any real advice as im struggling to accept it as well. What I would say is this..It's taken me a three years to realise that I deserve better, and so do you! In a way, im glad that she didnt reply because its finally made me see her for who she is. Not the person I met years ago. And the amount of anger I feel right now..is kinda propelling me forward. As far as breaking nc goes..its also helped. Previously I would've been crawling up the walls waiting for her to reply. But now, i've made a promise to myself even if she did (which she won't) I will not respond. She's out of chances. Im rambling!
siankat Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 (edited) Sweetheart do not be hard on yourself! This will seem like really small fry in the scheme of things once you put space and time between that moment, and all the others of you getting on with things. Handle this from now on how you want to remember it as all we ever have, is memories of the past, and the present moment He wavered post bu, you had feelings, what you did is not a crime but a normal reaction. You cannot be a mind reader and know what people are feeling, thinking and going to do, it is good to go with the flow and see. Once you have enough information to act upon, that's it. Make that decision and stick to it because if you don't, all that follows is unnecessary and inconsequential and just time wasted. At least you have some clarity now and are clear about where YOU stand, forget him, this is about you. You will be fine! Someone else will want the great girl you are and will be pinching themselves cos they got so lucky This guy isn't it. Don't ask why a pile of manure stinks, it just does. You will get past this, and him, promise There is another guy out there wondering where YOU are Hugs Edited May 19, 2013 by siankat
TearyEyedPride Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 You're not dumb.... just emotionally addicted to someone who doesn't want to put in as much effort in staying together and making it work. Your heartache is normal... this kicking yourself feeling is normal. Your head knows better though and experience is the teacher. Use your knowledge wisely. ABOVE ALL... Get those boots and anything else you may have left! lol. You know... just in case things go to hell again.
Recommended Posts