Cancelled..another chance...?

[catlove2]

So I was supposed to go on a first official date with this guy tomorrow night. He asked me out for last weekend but I was super busy so I suggested this weekend instead. He said he'd get back to me because he has this bachelor party out of town that he might go to. We have hung out twice before and text quite a bit, and we met at work - as in his company contracts work out for mine, although I don't do work for their company anymore.

 

Earlier this week he came to see me at my work to help me finish up as I was running really late and was tired from a very long day. I thought this was really, really nice of him and he was great about it. He brought me a coffee and helped me at work for about an hour, hugged me on our way out, and then asked if I was on for Saturday. I asked about the bachelor party, and he said he wasn't going after all. Great! We make plans for Saturday, pick a restaurant and everything.

 

Today he sends me a text to say he just got "abducted" by his friends to go to the bachelor party, and that he owes me dinner anywhere I want and he will do some work for me again too. So he bailed on me, basically.

 

I kind of went nuts on him and railed against him saying "no thanks, thanks for coming by on tuesday and all, but seriously...cancel the night before, give me a break" and then, if that wasn't mean enough, I really laid into him with a follow up "my own ride out of town is gone and I took an extra job tomorrow because I thought I had made plans for Saturday. Jokes on me. Thank you very much for that and have a lovely weekend!" ... he didn't respond an hour later, and I went even further (omg!) and said "not even an apology wow stand up guy and cowardly to boot" (Yeah, this is psycho - I know, I'm embarrassed) ...

 

Another hour later I get a response, "hey, just got back into cell service - I AM sorry! I've been looking forward to seeing you all week...I hope you will consider giving me a chance to make it up to you" and that has been that so far.

 

So...my dilemma...usually I don't give someone a chance after they bail on plans. Actually, I never do unless for fire, flood, or blood. That said, I'm a little torn this time around because he came by to help me at my job that night (and it isn't exactly a fun job, to say the least), and then he still responded after I leaned into him like a crazy woman and still wanted to make it up to me (unless it's just to bail again in the future)...on the other hand, he basically laid blame on his friends by saying they "abducted" him, he wouldn't even take responsibility for making a choice to go to this bachelor party, but then again, we have hardly dated much and this is an out-of-town long weekend bachelor party - so I don't know if I have a right to expect him to pass that up for a date with me.

 

Thoughts? What should I say after this, if anything?

Edited May 18, 2013 by catlove2

[catlove2]

Thanks Tom - so what's my next move? He said he hopes I'll consider giving him another chance, I haven't replied since. I don't want to apologize or go "ok! how about Wednesday?" cause I know I'll seem like a door mat. Should I just let him come to me, or not? I feel like the ball is in my court with what he said but damn if I don't want to make him feel bad for blowing me off for a little while. I just wish he didn't say earlier in the week that he wasn't going to the party, make plans with me, and then decide to take off anyway.

[Jadedbyluv]

Quite honestly, you did overreact just a little. He originally planned on the bachelor party and for whatever reason the plans changes so he made plans with you. So you went off on him for canceling with you when his friends wanted him there? Since the two of you aren't officially dating, he really doesn't owe you anything. Based on his response, you're lucky he wants to take you out still. Some guys wouldn't bother if a girl would go off on him like that. Just apologize for the texts and say you would still like to take him up on his offer.

[catlove2]

I know I overreacted, however...when he asked me about going out on Saturday I asked him "no bachelor party?" and he replied "no, I'm not going to that" and then he made plans with me ... soooo... I really thought we actually made legit plans for Saturday, not "unless my friends cajole me enough, we're on for Saturday" lol

[sillyanswer]

(Yeah, this is psycho - I know, I'm embarrassed) ...

 

Yes, and if you did that to me I'd be thinking that I dodged a bullet.

[todreaminblue]

So I was supposed to go on a first official date with this guy tomorrow night. He asked me out for last weekend but I was super busy so I suggested this weekend instead. He said he'd get back to me because he has this bachelor party out of town that he might go to. We have hung out twice before and text quite a bit, and we met at work - as in his company contracts work out for mine, although I don't do work for their company anymore.

 

Earlier this week he came to see me at my work to help me finish up as I was running really late and was tired from a very long day. I thought this was really, really nice of him and he was great about it. He brought me a coffee and helped me at work for about an hour, hugged me on our way out, and then asked if I was on for Saturday. I asked about the bachelor party, and he said he wasn't going after all. Great! We make plans for Saturday, pick a restaurant and everything.

 

Today he sends me a text to say he just got "abducted" by his friends to go to the bachelor party, and that he owes me dinner anywhere I want and he will do some work for me again too. So he bailed on me, basically.

 

I kind of went nuts on him and railed against him saying "no thanks, thanks for coming by on tuesday and all, but seriously...cancel the night before, give me a break" and then, if that wasn't mean enough, I really laid into him with a follow up "my own ride out of town is gone and I took an extra job tomorrow because I thought I had made plans for Saturday. Jokes on me. Thank you very much for that and have a lovely weekend!" ... he didn't respond an hour later, and I went even further (omg!) and said "not even an apology wow stand up guy and cowardly to boot" (Yeah, this is psycho - I know, I'm embarrassed) ...

 

Another hour later I get a response, "hey, just got back into cell service - I AM sorry! I've been looking forward to seeing you all week...I hope you will consider giving me a chance to make it up to you" and that has been that so far.

 

So...my dilemma...usually I don't give someone a chance after they bail on plans. Actually, I never do unless for fire, flood, or blood. That said, I'm a little torn this time around because he came by to help me at my job that night (and it isn't exactly a fun job, to say the least), and then he still responded after I leaned into him like a crazy woman and still wanted to make it up to me (unless it's just to bail again in the future)...on the other hand, he basically laid blame on his friends by saying they "abducted" him, he wouldn't even take responsibility for making a choice to go to this bachelor party, but then again, we have hardly dated much and this is an out-of-town long weekend bachelor party - so I don't know if I have a right to expect him to pass that up for a date with me.

 

Thoughts? What should I say after this, if anything?

 

 

I would give this guy a chance if i were you, he seems sincere and honest, I actually think the night before is enough notice....for anyone to give......things happen as another poster said...in my opinion if i were you start by maybe apologizing for having a spack attack and graciously accept his offer...and have fun...did any of that stuff about losing a ride and losing a shift actually eventuate????....best wishes....deb

[Eternal Sunshine]

I would delete his number. He sounds like a people pleaser. Those are the WORST.

[BluEyeL]

I would say give him just one more chance. If he ever cancels again, drop him. You overreacted and if I were him I'd bail on you. So he likes you enough, I think, for a second chance. My rule is, it's OK if he cancels once, but no more than that.

[crederer]

I'd give him another chance. It doesn't make you look like a doormat. I'd apologize though, cause if you didn't it may be awkward.

 

Just say "sorry for overreacting, but I felt like you blew me off and I felt a little disrespected."

[catlove2]

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply. Here is what I have written but not sent so far, so feel free to critique:

 

"I'm sorry I overreacted...I got so much flack from my friends for passing up camping because I wanted to stick to plans I already made, so when those fell through, man did I ever feel cheated. Im sorry, its been a **** week and I snapped under the pressure. I really liked what I knew of you but I sure do know how to screw it up"

 

The part about taking an extra job on Saturday morning because I figured I wasn't going out of town this long weekend and was seeing him in the evening, is true. As is the part about not going camping because I already made plans with him. At least I have some extra cash, I guess.

 

Hopefully he accepts my apology, he does know I've had a hell of a week - having to sleep in the same bed as my ex, working 12-16 hour days all week on my feet with no rest, and having a 60 year old stalker following me around putting me on edge. Ugh, bad week!

Edited May 18, 2013 by catlove2

[catlove2]

bumpetty bump (hope that's ok)

[apple OR orange]

I would delete his number. He sounds like a people pleaser. Those are the WORST.

 

Yeah, making people happy has to be the worst idea ever

[catlove2]

Well, I sent him the apology text, he started writing a reply - and then nothing came (imessage, with that little typing bubble) *shrug* at least I know he got it.