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how can you go from strong intense feelings to nothing? so hurt :(

lemonadekiwi

By lemonadekiwi
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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lemonadekiwi Member

lemonadekiwi

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i met this guy through a friend, and he really liked me. he liked me SO much, like to the point where he was completely OTT at times, wrote me poetry, couldnt not talk to me for more than an hour. it felt like a whirlwind romance where i was completely swept off my feet and he was lovely! we had a lot of shared interests and the conversation was great, stay up all night talking, we really liked each other and he kept saying how lucky he was to have met me and i felt the same, he wanted to meet my family and get to know them. made plans for future

 

things were going swimmingly, then he started getting down with a few issues regarding money and his living situation...and i tried to be there for him, but he got ridiculously down.. like he went from being on top of the world and everything was possible to like rock bottom...and i found it hard to cope with as he was acting very very off with me and it was from extreme to another, acting like he didnt care either way if he saw me or not, didnt make plans with me to spend quality time anymore, drank all the time, became hot and cold, stopped saying anything nice and got very self pityful. i got more and more upset because even though i understood his situation and tried to be there for him....it felt like he was treating me like i was nothing really and i felt neglected

 

then he dumped me in the middle of the street when i bumped into him randomly after work, said he didnt want to see me again - said he cant be a good bf to me and that he cant look after himself, and that me asking whats wrong makes him think there is something wrong so he is second guessing himself

he said sorry a couple of times after. i stupidly tried to be friends with him a week after we split, even though it was raw and i was not wanting him out of my life.

 

he then added his ex back on fb....i asked him why and he said he wants his ex back in his life and wants to be there for her, he knows her better than anyone and they understand each other because they are both down and he doesnt care what i think. the reason that hurt is because when i met him he had just split up with her, and i was wary that he wasnt 100% over her but he promised he was and wanted me so full on pursued me into a relationship. he said she emotionally abused him and how awful she was to him, (his friends think she is a monster and arent happy he did that either) and he never wanted anything to do with her ever again...now hes actively sought her out to have her in his life again, he said that she didnt contact him it was him contacting her. i felt really upset so i deleted him from fb out of upset, just hurt to see him popping up everywhere. i also deleted him because in the same conversation, he said that me and him were supposed to be 'fun, but then things started going wrong for me and it wasn't fun anymore' - that stung.

 

two days later he then randomly sent me a long text saying sorry, that i wasn't a fling, he's going to sort his life out, and now he isnt going to speak to his ex ever again and doesnt want her in his life which is a complete 360 from the other day, so i dont get that. i didnt reply because i didn't know what to say, he didnt say he wanted me back...i havent heard from him since....its been a week

i looked on his fb and his ex is still on there.

just feel so hurt, i really liked him :(

ja123 Established Member

ja123

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Of course it hurts. And I'm sure the poetry was real for him when he was writing it. But from what you've decribed he has some mental issues that have nothing to do with you.

 

Going NC is probably you're best option with someone like this, as he is prone to extremes and you'll be hurt all over again.

 

Take care of yourself.

2sunny Established Member

2sunny

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He may be bipolar?

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JourneyLady Established Member

JourneyLady

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As a poet myself, all I can say is that us poets are a crazy lot. :-D I recently got similar treatment from a poet here in the states. All crazy about me one day and cooling off the next. Could just be depression. My friend had some really difficult things to worry about.

 

You want and need someone stable in your life, so that's what you look for now. That's what I'm doing. :-D

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lemonadekiwi Member

lemonadekiwi

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i just can't stop hurting about it all..i keep thinking about the great times of when we first met and how lovely he was, and wishing that we could go back to that, now i'm not sure who he is. i've gone NC as it hurts. i want to break NC all the time but i know it won't achieve anything. if he really cared he would have tried harder than a text wouldn't he?

yeah he has mood issues...ive never known someone so has mood swings like that. now apparently he's doing great and really happy. i just feel so worthless.

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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i just can't stop hurting about it all..i keep thinking about the great times of when we first met and how lovely he was, and wishing that we could go back to that, now i'm not sure who he is. i've gone NC as it hurts. i want to break NC all the time but i know it won't achieve anything. if he really cared he would have tried harder than a text wouldn't he?

yeah he has mood issues...ive never known someone so has mood swings like that.now apparently he's doing great and really happy. i just feel so worthless.

 

This is so classically manic. I think from what you say he definitely has bipolar tendencies. He needs to see a professional psychiatrist and be assessed, because without treatment or correctly prescribed medication, he will never be stable.

 

But this is not on you.

It's not your job or responsibility to see to this.

And to be honest, even if you were to suggest such a thing and he were to follow it, I, in your shoes, would still not become involved with him.

 

Having direct experience of living alongside a bipolar sufferer, I can promise you, they are hard work.

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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It is terrible but yes people an go from being crazy about you, to leaving you.

 

.... I have gone through it myself, albeit in my own individual way and under different circumstances than you.

 

All I can say is: stay strong, leave him along to work out what he wants in life. If it is YOU he wants, he will be back. But don't count on it.

 

As for his ex? Well, he did not add her back just to be her friend. I have learnt that about guys.. Only years later can they just "be friends" with their ex.

 

He sounds all over the place though. And you MUST block him off facebook and social media, because it sounds very likely that he will get back with his ex, which will only break your heart all over again.

siankat Established Member

siankat

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He's doing what he is doing to fulfill his needs and harsh as this may sound, it has nothing to do with you, or his ex even!!! He's just doing whatever he can to feel a bit better. I've come to the conclusion recently that all anyone ever does, is to feel that little bit better. Whether we are making good decisions or bad ones. I'm sorry he has reverted to this behaviour and it's hurtful but it has little to do with anyone else and is all about him. So no need to be jealous about the ex, seriously. If he feels very down, he's gonna cope with how he feels is best and easiest even if objectively it is more harmful in the scheme of things. Think about it....we've all done it one way or another... I'm just saying this to try and make you realise it's not because of YOU he is like this :)

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lemonadekiwi Member

lemonadekiwi

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i wish i could stop thinking about him. i wonder if going NC is right.... i deleted him from fb because i couldn't stand sitting there waiting for him to talk to me on chat when he's online and he didn't, i completely ignored his last text over a week ago and i feel bad, i guess because i don't want to respond and then not get the response i want - which is him realising he made a mistake. my minds clouded and i feel weak, and i can't get over how hard he wanted me in a relationship to how easy he dropped me.... if he really wanted to be with me wouldn't he have tried harder?

 

i just feel like such a mess.

siankat Established Member

siankat

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yeh if that is how he is being defo block him, nc .. etc becos u are torturing urself this way

aisuru Established Member

aisuru

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You should believe you deserve better?

 

Go no contact and find somebody who isn't all over the map, trying to figure out his life.

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lemonadekiwi Member

lemonadekiwi

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Thank you for all your replies...

I'm on day 12 of no contact now...hurts so much but I'm trying.

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