SNH1993 Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 (edited) Hi, i've recently gone through a break up. Me and my ex gf had been close for 3 years in which half of that was spent actually being in a relationship with one another. During this time i had an on and off drug problem, which caused problems in me and her relationship and led to a few minor break ups. Just about a month and a half ago she broke up with me again because of a drug binge i went on and this time she hasn't come back to me since. It was weird because she was the one who drove me to the actual doctors appointment to get the xanax i had on and off problems with this whole time. For the first month of the break-up we would still see eachother eveyday and keep pretty regular contact through texting pretty much everyday as well. that was until school got out and a couple of her girlfriends from college had a lot more free time and ever since then she has just been drinking and smoking weed and all of the time we would normally spend together seemed to go out the window. She still comes over about i'd say 3 to 4 times a week on average but most of the time doesn't stay long at all. She spends the night about twice a week or so now but we are technically "just friends". During the first month of the break up we would still cuddle, kiss, have sex etc. and everything seemed like we never even broke up to beging with. Then about 4 or 5 days ago she mentions that she thinks we shouldn't have sex anymore because it is just making things more complicated. She has started taking me for granted a lot recently and cancelling plans we made to go out and drink and smoke with her girlfriends. I got fed up with feeling like she was taking advantage of me two nights ago and called her out on how she was taking me for granted and treating me like an afterthought after all i had been here for her through all of this time. I get some mean and unnceccesary texts from her in the morning basically telling me she was doing these things in spite of how took her for granted in our relationship. Then she drops the bomb on me that she is possible moving to another city where most of her other friends go to school and basically says she doesn't give a flying **** anymore. I had to give her a paycheck that had come in the mail for her that same night and she tried to tell me all of those things were just said out of anger and she didn't mean them the way they came out through text. We cleared things up a bit and she spent the night the same night. I still can't help but to try and mentally move on now that i know she has plans to move to another city but nothing is set ins tone. I also can't help but think she had been considering moving for a while(possibly while even still in the relationship) and just was just stringing me along until she had other company during the day(her girlfriends) and felt comfortable enough to drop the whole moving situation on me. I love this girl and if she really is moving then i want to spend as much time with her as possible before she leaves if her plans actually come into play. But in the back of my mind, now that she has her girlfriends to hang out with i know she won't be seeing me as much anymore and wil be out hanging out with them. I hate the way things seem to be turning out and like i said if she is moving then i want to spend as much time as possible with her before she leaves. I know that might not be the best decision but i know for sure i will miss her when she is gone and by then i won't get to see her at all. I'm trying to accept all of this the best i can and prepare myself for her actually moving to a different city but i'm having a really hard time with it all and fell like i am losing my best friend in the process. If anybody has any thoughts or anything you feel would be helpful in my situation any advice would be appreciated. Edited May 18, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragraphs
TaraMaiden Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Why the hell have you posted all of this? you know what to do. You have to lose what doesn't work. You need to quit wallowing and playing the 'poor me' card. You have enough threads going - you have to get going and keep to NC. Stop holding on to something broken. Really, quit now.
Author SNH1993 Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 Paragraphs? Can you break this up into paragraphs so it's easier to read? Pretty please. Hi, i've recently gone through a break up. Me and my ex gf had been close for 3 years in which half of that was spent actually being in a relationship with one another. During this time i had an on and off drug problem, which caused problems in me and her relationship and led to a few minor break ups. Just about a month and a half ago she broke up with me again because of a drug binge i went on and this time she hasn't come back to me since. It was weird because she was the one who drove me to the actual doctors appointment to get the xanax i had on and off problems with this whole time. For the first month of the break-up we would still see eachother eveyday and keep pretty regular contact through texting pretty much everyday as well. that was until school got out and a couple of her girlfriends from college had a lot more free time and ever since then she has just been drinking and smoking weed and all of the time we would normally spend together seemed to go out the window. She still comes over about i'd say 3 to 4 times a week on average but most of the time doesn't stay long at all. She spends the night about twice a week or so now but we are technically "just friends". During the first month of the break up we would still cuddle, kiss, have sex etc. and everything seemed like we never even broke up to beging with. Then about 4 or 5 days ago she mentions that she thinks we shouldn't have sex anymore because it is just making things more complicated. She has started taking me for granted a lot recently and cancelling plans we made to go out and drink and smoke with her girlfriends. I got fed up with feeling like she was taking advantage of me two nights ago and called her out on how she was taking me for granted and treating me like an afterthought after all i had been here for her through all of this time. I get some mean and unnceccesary texts from her in the morning basically telling me she was doing these things in spite of how took her for granted in our relationship. Then she drops the bomb on me that she is possible moving to another city where most of her other friends go to school and basically says she doesn't give a flying **** anymore. I had to give her a paycheck that had come in the mail for her that same night and she tried to tell me all of those things were just said out of anger and she didn't mean them the way they came out through text. We cleared things up a bit and she spent the night the same night. I still can't help but to try and mentally move on now that i know she has plans to move to another city but nothing is set ins tone. I also can't help but think she had been considering moving for a while(possibly while even still in the relationship) and just was just stringing me along until she had other company during the day(her girlfriends) and felt comfortable enough to drop the whole moving situation on me. I love this girl and if she really is moving then i want to spend as much time with her as possible before she leaves if her plans actually come into play. But in the back of my mind, now that she has her girlfriends to hang out with i know she won't be seeing me as much anymore and wil be out hanging out with them. I hate the way things seem to be turning out and like i said if she is moving then i want to spend as much time as possible with her before she leaves. I know that might not be the best decision but i know for sure i will miss her when she is gone and by then i won't get to see her at all. I'm trying to accept all of this the best i can and prepare myself for her actually moving to a different city but i'm having a really hard time with it all and fell like i am losing my best friend in the process. If anybody has any thoughts or anything you feel would be helpful in my situation any advice would be appreciated.
TaraMaiden Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Why the hell have you posted all of this? you know what to do. You have to lose what doesn't work. You need to quit wallowing and playing the 'poor me' card. You have enough threads going - you have to get going and keep to NC. Stop holding on to something broken. Really, quit now. (Broke mine up too....! )
aisuru Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 It's time to put yourself first dude. Forget about her. I know it's easier said then done, but it's time. Put yourself together and then consider being in a (NEW) relationship later down the road. Until you fix yourself, you'll just continue with this heartache.
Author SNH1993 Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 I only broke the story up because i was asked to because it would be easier to read. At this point, i have accepted it and that's why it was posted in the coping forum. I need to vent and this situation is hard enough on me to where i just don't want to completely ignore her if she does end up moving, then i'd probably feel a lot of regret for not spending the time with her while i had the chance. I've accepted the relationship is done, but she was my best and only real friend i've had for the last 3 years and that's why i feel like NC and ignoring her would just make me have even more regrets then i already do.
TaraMaiden Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Sadly, this is what is known as 'prolonging the agony'. It will hurt twice as much when she moves on. But you do what you think you have to do. It will hurt. it probably hurts now. But it will hurt more.
Author SNH1993 Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 Oh yeah it definitely hurts now, even if she doesn't move i still know that's what she ultimately wanted to do anyway and those plans didn't include me. I think i do need to start distancing myself from her regardless to whether she actually moves or not, but i've said i'd go NC before and didn't follow through, so you're right i need to stop posting on these forums if i'm not going to ttake the advice anyway
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