lavenderlove Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Ok, we have been together for 8 years and I left him in March because I wanted more than just hanging out, plus our times were very draining and difficult in the last few years. I was the one who left, but really it was because he didn't want me, so I kind of made it easy for him and said the words first. We broke up a few years ago and after doing NC he pursued me and we got back together. Since the breakup there was some contact now and then because of organising moving all my staff and then two weeks ago we had one of those closure discussions, which actually really worked for me. It cleared a lot of things in my head, and the best part is that I realised that I am not in love with him anymore. I know this sounds too good to be true but he changed in a way that made me realise who he was and I have no admiration and respect for the person he has become. We just live on different planets. So he has been very polite and helpful all the way and I asked him at the very start not to contact me. He kept to this and he hasn't been in touch at all, except last night, when he texted me at 10:30: How was your day? Now, I don't want to be rude and ignore him, since he has been very decent in the breakup process, so I just replied in the morning Please don't. Now my friend said that this reply is so rude that that it is something that would make anyone happy not to know me.... Please guys help me in this one, what do you think? Was my reply very rude? I think it was required to snip things in the bud, since I have been recovering so well, I have been through hell in these months and I am finally starting to feel good and be myself again. I don't want to be dragged down into a mess again.
BustedUpInside Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I don't think it was rude at all. In fact, it was actually kinder of you than you needed to be. You're not giving him false hope and you aren't hurting his feelings by writing something cruel. I think it was a really good response. 1
nugget_718 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 So he has been very polite and helpful all the way and I asked him at the very start not to contact me. He kept to this and he hasn't been in touch at all, except last night, when he texted me at 10:30: How was your day? Now, I don't want to be rude and ignore him, since he has been very decent in the breakup process, so I just replied in the morning Please don't. Now my friend said that this reply is so rude that that it is something that would make anyone happy not to know me.... Please guys help me in this one, what do you think? Was my reply very rude? I think it was required to snip things in the bud, since I have been recovering so well, I have been through hell in these months and I am finally starting to feel good and be myself again. I don't want to be dragged down into a mess again. I don't think your response was rude. While I believe that you want to nip in the bud it would have been better for you not to reply at all. By responding, even if it was to say "please don't", you're opening up a gateway for further communication. He may respond back in a smarta$$ way and say "Don't what?", then what.
Simon Phoenix Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 He didn't break NC, you did. NC is a one-person thing. And yes, any response is going to give him confidence to message you again. 1
TaraMaiden Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I have to agree with Simon here: YOU requested No Contact, therefore it was implemented by you. He messaged you, and your option was to either MAINTAIN No Contact, or reply - and therefore break your own rule. If he texts you again, you should completely ignore any approach. He was being rude by ignoring your request. You asked him to please refrain from contacting you. He 'rudely' decided what he wanted to do was more important to him, and trumped your request. THAT'S rude. If he does it again, you now have the option to completely ignore him and simply ensure you do NOT reply at all, or you send him the standard text reply: Text Blocker activated. Your message was not delivered. Further attempts will result in this service being charged to your account. That will make him think twice about being 'rude'.
siankat Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 i know it would feel rude if i got a how are you from an ex and replied as you ddid but objectively, its not rude. And i have to say, an ex went nc on me and it worked. Its not rude. No one has the right to encroach and when its over its over and you guys sound like you came to a slow halt. He had his chance to do over from the last time and hasnt. It wont mean much that you dont reply even if it feels wrong
Author lavenderlove Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 Thanks for all of you for your opinions. I feel a lot better now, because I agree with you guys (and my own feelings) rather then the two friends of mine who told me I was very rude. The thing is one of them haven't even been in a relationship before and the other one has been happily married and is planning to have a baby with the love of her life, so how would they know how it feels anyway.... I am pretty sure he gets what I mean. We all know that it's not just a how are you. So it's all good. He is not a smarta$$ kind of guy so he will just either turn up at my doorstep crying or let me be. I truly and honestly hope for the latter. He knows now he has no chance so I doubt that he would message me again. Thanks again
Author lavenderlove Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 Actually, I have just checked my e-mails and found an e-mail sent last night at 11:30ish asking me out for lunch or coffee today. Fancy that. So obviously I deleted it and didn't reply, because my text this morning kind of said it all. 3
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