CherryT Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I'm just curious... was having a discussion with a friend and she says that men have a hard time saying the words "I love you". I may agree slightly to that notion, but I think men show love in the way they treat you. Maybe they're more comfortable showing then saying? Although he may not always say those words "I love you", his actions may say them for him. So just a question out there to the men (and the women who may be dating these men) - Do you find it hard to say the words "I love you"? My BF doesn't say it often at all. We're in a long distance relationship but see each other fairly often. But I know he does and I appreciate the way he shows me. My friend thinks it's weird that we regularly talk about marriage, kids, our home... and that we have started planning for this but rarely say "i love you"... to me, I've been in relationships with men who would say it all the time but was later mistreated (cheated on etc).
Estate Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I'm just curious... was having a discussion with a friend and she says that men have a hard time saying the words "I love you". I may agree slightly to that notion, but I think men show love in the way they treat you. Maybe they're more comfortable showing then saying? Although he may not always say those words "I love you", his actions may say them for him. So just a question out there to the men (and the women who may be dating these men) - Do you find it hard to say the words "I love you"? My BF doesn't say it often at all. We're in a long distance relationship but see each other fairly often. But I know he does and I appreciate the way he shows me. My friend thinks it's weird that we regularly talk about marriage, kids, our home... and that we have started planning for this but rarely say "i love you"... to me, I've been in relationships with men who would say it all the time but was later mistreated (cheated on etc). I don't find it hard if I really and truely love someone. But I constant problem I've had with girlfriends is that they say it too soon for me. The words I love you mean I really and truely love someone, that I feel I know them inside out and I know who they are and I want to spend as much time as possible with them. Girls I've dated have a habit of saying it after a few weeks or a month like as if it's just " the thing to do"... oh, we are at X days in the relationship, we must now do Y.... but there is no way you can know someone inside out in just a few weeks or sometimes even a couple of months... the relationship is still young and things can end very fast in that period so I'm just not willing to declare something like that. I prefer it mean something, I don't want to hear it from a girl after a short time, she doesn't really mean it and I won't be pressured into it either. 2
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I'm the type that would say it too soon or in an inappropriate time/situation. Then again, I've never had the occasion to say it so...
pcplod Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I'm just curious... was having a discussion with a friend and she says that men have a hard time saying the words "I love you". I may agree slightly to that notion, but I think men show love in the way they treat you. Maybe they're more comfortable showing then saying? Although he may not always say those words "I love you", his actions may say them for him. So just a question out there to the men (and the women who may be dating these men) - Do you find it hard to say the words "I love you"? My BF doesn't say it often at all. We're in a long distance relationship but see each other fairly often. But I know he does and I appreciate the way he shows me. My friend thinks it's weird that we regularly talk about marriage, kids, our home... and that we have started planning for this but rarely say "i love you"... to me, I've been in relationships with men who would say it all the time but was later mistreated (cheated on etc). I do find it difficult to say, primarily because I was brought up in a non-demonstrative household and therefore it does feel forced and unnatural to me. However, even at this late stage of life, I am trying to push myself beyond that discomfiture. However, I also feel that has to feel and be genuine and as phrase it is often too easily expressed and thus abused by many who will let it slip much as they would belch. I would be much more impressed by both the authenticity and intellect of a woman who described, on her own terms and in her own words, how she felt about me, even if it was not as simple and as fulsome as that three-worded phrase, which in all honesty has become a tired and vacuous utterance for those who are lazy or dishonest. Is that something that you would wish to be associated with or have casually thrown at you? It's a very easy phrase to trip off the end of the tongue without ever really meaning it or worrying about being called out as a liar. As in, "BUT, I love you"! See what I mean?
carhill Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 So just a question out there to the men (and the women who may be dating these men) - Do you find it hard to say the words "I love you"? Though I wasn't role modeled to be transparent in that way, for some reason it's always been a part of me, so I often tell both male and female friends, in addition to obvious love interests, like my exW, that I love them. Plenty of hugs and kisses too, both with men and women in my life. In fact, there have been a couple of LS'ers who've heard those words. Each of us are different in such regards. IMO, there is no right and wrong. People feel what they feel and express it in their own style; a style that is subject to change throughout life. I've found, even with people who are more circumspect about ILY and overt expressions of love and affection, once they feel 'safe' being vulnerable in that way they feel more open to such expressions. It's a process, IME. Good luck.
Leigh 87 Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 It can be embarrassing to say in front of their friends. And it is hard to say I love you at first, but after a while it should be easy for a guy, if he really does love a girl.' I was the first girl my ex said it to; yet it became easy for him to say it all the time after the 7 month mark... At first it can be new and .... not as easy to say. This has been my experience. And I was with a guy who had never said it to a girl, and who did not say it as often at first, and yet ended up saying it every day to me several times after time. Personally, I think a guy would have to have some issues if he struggled to say he loved you, to a women he truly loved.
crude Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 A man has all the obligations in a long term relationship, so it's a bigger deal for him to say it. He's the one who'll shield your body if there's a knife or bullets flying, he'll protect you from a fire by burning to a crisp, he'll work at a backbreaking job until he's 70 to provide for you, and go downstairs alone if he hears a noise. A woman saying it just means she figures he's a good meal ticket and economic slave, great for going down with the ship. So she says I love you. Big deal.
Keenly Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 I have no problem saying it if I feel it. There have been times where I've been told I love you, bit I haven't said it back because, well, I don't. Its not fair to say it if that's not really how you feel.
Leigh 87 Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 I have no problem saying it if I feel it. There have been times where I've been told I love you, bit I haven't said it back because, well, I don't. Its not fair to say it if that's not really how you feel. I know! My ex had way hotter girls than me say they love him, but he also thought it was so silly to just say it unless you truly mean it. I think it is easy for a man who really loves a women to be able to tell them... I guess it is the frequency that can vary from man to man! I mean, I would say that most men who are in love would tell their partner at least once every day or two?
Feelin Frisky Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 I don't find it hard if it's true--or at least feels true until I'm shown to have mislaid my affections. There's something though about "I love you" which is so "disposable" compared to an admission that "I'm in love with you" or something like "I think I'm in love with you" or something more along those lines. When you admit to someone that you're in love with them or think you're in love with them, you're kinda bringing them something way more serious that sometimes poses a dilemma. And sometimes that is too much for a girl who wants to hear just I love you and have it just be that. Then unless she's in love with you back, you get the whoa buddy shut down and regret like hell that you said it.
Silly_Girl Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 My fiancé told me a) he'd never be the first to say it, ever (once bitten...), and b) he wasn't the sort to say it frequently. Wrong on both counts :love:
MissBee Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 (edited) I'm just curious... was having a discussion with a friend and she says that men have a hard time saying the words "I love you". I may agree slightly to that notion, but I think men show love in the way they treat you. Maybe they're more comfortable showing then saying? Although he may not always say those words "I love you", his actions may say them for him. So just a question out there to the men (and the women who may be dating these men) - Do you find it hard to say the words "I love you"? My BF doesn't say it often at all. We're in a long distance relationship but see each other fairly often. But I know he does and I appreciate the way he shows me. My friend thinks it's weird that we regularly talk about marriage, kids, our home... and that we have started planning for this but rarely say "i love you"... to me, I've been in relationships with men who would say it all the time but was later mistreated (cheated on etc). I don't think it's a "men" thing but probably a little bit more individual and also dependent on how a man was raised etc. I think if a man grew up with a certain idea of what it is to be a man and that idea is about being stoic or with a father who never really said it, it's more likely he will grow up to be uncomfortable with saying it, even if his actions show it. In my own experience, in every relationship I've been in the man has actually said "I love you" first and didn't mind saying it. One of my boyfriends said it pretty much everyday,a couple times. So personally I haven't dated men who aren't comfy with it.Don't think I will either. Certainly feeling loved through actions are more important than men who it rolls off their tongue but they in fact have no clue what it means (and there are PLENTY, men who learn that saying ILY to a woman will get them what they want so they are very free with it). But me personally, I like a man who is verbal and open and that's an important thing for me, so I wouldn't be too comfortable dating a man who himself was uncomfortable with saying that. I don't find it hard if I really and truely love someone. But I constant problem I've had with girlfriends is that they say it too soon for me. The words I love you mean I really and truely love someone, that I feel I know them inside out and I know who they are and I want to spend as much time as possible with them. Girls I've dated have a habit of saying it after a few weeks or a month like as if it's just " the thing to do"... oh, we are at X days in the relationship, we must now do Y.... but there is no way you can know someone inside out in just a few weeks or sometimes even a couple of months... the relationship is still young and things can end very fast in that period so I'm just not willing to declare something like that. I prefer it mean something, I don't want to hear it from a girl after a short time, she doesn't really mean it and I won't be pressured into it either. I totallly feel the same! I think most people say I love you, as a norm, like after you've been together for X time you should do it. I know for a fact one of my ex's was this way, as he said it after about a little less than a month and I was totally shocked. In the end, I realized he was the type to "fall inlove" quickly and fall out quickly as well...as love for him wasn't built on truly knowing someone but on the highs of romance. I would much rather a man say it later and mean it than just say it because it seems like the thing to do and I certainly don't say it because I think it's par for the course. Edited May 18, 2013 by MissBee
ptp Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 I'm just curious... was having a discussion with a friend and she says that men have a hard time saying the words "I love you". I may agree slightly to that notion, but I think men show love in the way they treat you. Maybe they're more comfortable showing then saying? Although he may not always say those words "I love you", his actions may say them for him. So just a question out there to the men (and the women who may be dating these men) - Do you find it hard to say the words "I love you"? My BF doesn't say it often at all. We're in a long distance relationship but see each other fairly often. But I know he does and I appreciate the way he shows me. My friend thinks it's weird that we regularly talk about marriage, kids, our home... and that we have started planning for this but rarely say "i love you"... to me, I've been in relationships with men who would say it all the time but was later mistreated (cheated on etc). It isn't that it is difficult to say, it's just one of those things that might not cross my mind. For example, if a guy is good friends with another guy and they have been friends for a long time, they don't say "Hey, I just wanted to let you know what a great friend you are I appreciate it that you have always had my back". It is understood, but there might be no need to actually say the words.
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