Jjones130 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 (edited) Alright I will start off with saying I have no idea what to do. We had been dating for 18 months before she broke it off. I was the cause off the break up I know that. We would get into arguments over small things and they would escalate quickly. She always seemed To be calm and relaxed and I was an *******. So when she broke it off at first she wanted a break, she did it over the phone and at a college 2 hours away. So we talked all night and finally convinced her to give us another shot. Then the next morning her friends confronted her and made her break it off completely. I was her first absolutely everything so she took a lot of special things from our relationship this month. She attends a very religious school and her entire family and all of her friends are very religious, I am agnostic, so they didn't want us together anyways. So when the chance arouse they jumped on it. They convinced her to delete facebook, Skype, my number, etcetera. They would make her leave her phone in her room. And when she would break down and call me I heard her friend say are you really actually talking to him again what did we ell you. So we talk sometimes then she never wants to talk to me again and this goes on for about a month. During this time she was completely broken, she said she couldn't feel, I was always on her mind, her friends just wouldn't let her be with me. So finally after a month she comes crawling back telling her friends to leave her alone that they keep ruining everything. So we start talking again and I find out a week after we stopped dating she kissed another guy. Then two weeks after that she let some guy finger her. This is stuff that took me months of trust finally achieve from her and she throws it away in a couple of days wtf? She told me that he was someone who was really friendly to her. He would listen when she needed to talk about how she was feeling about me, something her friends didn't do. And when he tried to finger her she said no and wouldn't let him. She told him no over and over again until he finally just did it. I honestly hate this guy. Then a couple days ago he called her phone and I answered, she had deleted his number. He kept trying to text her so I told her she has to take a stand to him. She told him off and bitched him out for taking advantage of her. So my real question is would you take her back? Should I? We had an amazing relationship before hand which I didn't go into much detail accept for how I screwed up. Now she wants me back very badly she has been trying for about 3 weeks now, apologizing and saying she knows she ****ed up. Also she found out OCD runs in her family and her dad has an extremes case which needs medication. She also found out she has an extreme case and idk if that actually comes into play or not or if I should even let that way in on the situation. Any advice would be helpful. Especially how, if possible, I could get over the things she did with the other guys? I was completely faithful during that month... Right now I am not answering her texts or phone calls. I know a lot of you will say we weren't together but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Edited May 17, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Added Paragraphs
Deerhunter Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Y'all were broke up. Who cares what she did with those other guys? Get over it. Its done. No way to change it. If y'all are going to start over, it has to be with a clean slate. My ex is bipolar and a alcoholic. I took her back and we had 18 more years together before the disorder and alcohol took over. She left again. I don't know what she does but I know what I do and I'm having fun. If my ex gets the help from therepy that she's in and wants to come back, I will probably take her back. Learn all you can about OCD.Don't worry about those few little dates. Go for it if that's what's in your heart. Don't play games with her. 2
Author Jjones130 Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 I understand what your saying but I still feel betrayed. I don't understand how she can actually say she loves me if she would let someone do something that that quickly. I'm just not sure if she loves me or missed what I would do for her. And any ideas on how to get over the pain? How to start the process of letting her back into my life. And would I feel better if I had a one night stand... Make things even so to speak.
aisuru Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I understand what your saying but I still feel betrayed. I don't understand how she can actually say she loves me if she would let someone do something that that quickly. I'm just not sure if she loves me or missed what I would do for her. And any ideas on how to get over the pain? How to start the process of letting her back into my life. And would I feel better if I had a one night stand... Make things even so to speak. Gah, there is no such thing as getting even!! People do irrational/rational things when they're hurt, broken, or newly single. You weren't together so let. it. go. Just because she hooked up with somebody else, does not mean she doesn't love you or care about you. If you don't let it go, your second chance is doomed so you might as well go no contact now and move on with your life. 2
Author Jjones130 Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 I know I wouldn't actually do anything with anyone else I just kind of needed to vent. Right now I told her I needed time and didnt want her to talk to me or text me. She has called me 20 or so times a day and keeps texting me these poems and pictures of our past. If I can't get over it what is the best way to let her go? Is it just to quit talking to her or what? And I mean easiest on her not me.
aisuru Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Do you enjoy being manipulated? Because that's what she's doing. It only gets worse my friend if you allow it.... It will become an endless cycle and become more blatant. You deserve better. You deserve to not feel anxious about a woman who you care about. No contact. Delete and block her information. You can always write her contact information on a piece of paper and put it away in a safe space. But you really need to delete and block her. This isn't healthy for you. Go one month no contact and reasses at that time if you have to. But right now, YOU should be your priority. 1
EnTT Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 I know exactly what you mean about feeling betrayed man, I felt the same way too with my ex. But like the others are saying, there's nothing that can be done about it. It's done, no going back.. I agree with aisuru, take some time to focus and analyze yourself. Build yourself up before you think about going back, because more than likely at this point you guys will fall flat with insecurity and no trust. Just like aisuru said, it will become an endless cycle.. Take time to "see" the cycle and learn how to stop it. 1
todreaminblue Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 I know I wouldn't actually do anything with anyone else I just kind of needed to vent. Right now I told her I needed time and didnt want her to talk to me or text me. She has called me 20 or so times a day and keeps texting me these poems and pictures of our past. If I can't get over it what is the best way to let her go? Is it just to quit talking to her or what? And I mean easiest on her not me. You have to decide why you need the space, if it is to get your head together, then take that time you need , let her know that is what you are doing it for,if you are doing the time thing to make her beg you and you are secretly enjoying the poems and the texts and the pictures.....that isnt fair, you have to know what you want in life, if you want to work it out, work it out, talk to her , have firm boundaries in place and let her know that fooling around isnt acceptable........or if you truly cant get over it.....then let her go...ocd is not a reason or an excuse.... to allow guys to finger you.....fear is....apathy is......sounds pretty stupid written like that....because it is stupid to blame ocd for sexual liasons....deb 3
Author Jjones130 Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 Thanks a lot everyone I will take some time away to clear my head. And about the poems and pictures it is not that I do not enjoy them its just that they don't hold as much value as they used to. I need to work on myself first and then if it happens to work out and we get back together then hat is awesome. EnTT I'm guessing you are either still going through it or you are done? Mind if I asked what happened? And she didn't try to use the OCD it was just something she found out about.
EnTT Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Thanks a lot everyone I will take some time away to clear my head. And about the poems and pictures it is not that I do not enjoy them its just that they don't hold as much value as they used to. I need to work on myself first and then if it happens to work out and we get back together then hat is awesome. EnTT I'm guessing you are either still going through it or you are done? Mind if I asked what happened? And she didn't try to use the OCD it was just something she found out about. Yeah man mine was more that she was just stringing me along to think and HOPE for something that wasn't there. All throughout that time that she was continuing her own thing with another guy. My story's on here in another thread about false hope. So yeah I'm pretty much going thru it right now as well because it's still recent. I've already realized though that nothing changes what happened and I just have to focus on doing me, can't let what she did/does take control of me. It hurts, but that's life.
SimonSerenade Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Man I feel sorry for you, it's a hard one to answer, in your shoes I could have forgiven her but forget about it?, I don't think I'd be able to, I'm guessing since you were her first everything, it kills you right now just to see her in the arms of another man let alone what happened, man I bet those images are eating away at your soul right now, this should make your decision a little easier though, the worst has almost happened and you don't have to worry about stuff like that I you chose to move on but if you stay, you got to put it behind you and carry on like normal, much easier said than done, I feel you dude, I was my girlfriends first for everything, if she had done anything like that while we were apart, I just wouldn't be able to go back, it would hurt to much to look at her, even now it eats me up knowing she nearly had sex in the past and was in situations like that and that's the past!, can only imagine what your going through right now, I think because it was a kiss and unfortunately a finger down the rabbit hole, it may be easier to get over than if she had gone all the way but of she's trying to get you back and you know in your heart she regrets it, maybe it's worth a shot, I just hope she's patient and right by your side while your trying to get over it.
Author Jjones130 Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 (edited) I'm really sorry to hear that EnTT. I read it and I really hope she comes around, time does heal all wounds, or so they say. And she is very sorry and would do anything to get me back. And I believe her. And I think at some point I could take her back. She tells me it lasted just a couple of seconds... Which is hard to believe but ehhh. Anyways she keeps asking me to hang out and I told her we could but we are nothing more than friends and not to expect any more from me. And she said that is fine she just wants to spend time with me... Is that a smart thing to do? Edited May 19, 2013 by Jjones130
Lionblade Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Alright I will start off with saying I have no idea what to do. We had been dating for 18 months before she broke it off. I was the cause off the break up I know that. We would get into arguments over small things and they would escalate quickly. She always seemed To be calm and relaxed and I was an *******. So when she broke it off at first she wanted a break, she did it over the phone and at a college 2 hours away. So we talked all night and finally convinced her to give us another shot. Then the next morning her friends confronted her and made her break it off completely. I was her first absolutely everything so she took a lot of special things from our relationship this month. She attends a very religious school and her entire family and all of her friends are very religious, I am agnostic, so they didn't want us together anyways. So when the chance arouse they jumped on it. They convinced her to delete facebook, Skype, my number, etcetera. They would make her leave her phone in her room. And when she would break down and call me I heard her friend say are you really actually talking to him again what did we ell you. So we talk sometimes then she never wants to talk to me again and this goes on for about a month. During this time she was completely broken, she said she couldn't feel, I was always on her mind, her friends just wouldn't let her be with me. So finally after a month she comes crawling back telling her friends to leave her alone that they keep ruining everything. So we start talking again and I find out a week after we stopped dating she kissed another guy. Then two weeks after that she let some guy finger her. This is stuff that took me months of trust finally achieve from her and she throws it away in a couple of days wtf? She told me that he was someone who was really friendly to her. He would listen when she needed to talk about how she was feeling about me, something her friends didn't do. And when he tried to finger her she said no and wouldn't let him. She told him no over and over again until he finally just did it. I honestly hate this guy. Then a couple days ago he called her phone and I answered, she had deleted his number. He kept trying to text her so I told her she has to take a stand to him. She told him off and bitched him out for taking advantage of her. So my real question is would you take her back? Should I? We had an amazing relationship before hand which I didn't go into much detail accept for how I screwed up. Now she wants me back very badly she has been trying for about 3 weeks now, apologizing and saying she knows she ****ed up. Also she found out OCD runs in her family and her dad has an extremes case which needs medication. She also found out she has an extreme case and idk if that actually comes into play or not or if I should even let that way in on the situation. Any advice would be helpful. Especially how, if possible, I could get over the things she did with the other guys? I was completely faithful during that month... Right now I am not answering her texts or phone calls. I know a lot of you will say we weren't together but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. You don't honestly believe that do you?
Author Jjones130 Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 I actually do. But not because of her telling me but something he said while she was confronting him, on the phone. She said something about him taking advantage of her and he said "well 10 no's and a yes is still a yes, who cares if I had to push you a bit to get it". Something to that extent.
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