Married Women Calling Another Guy?

[ladiesmentor]

I've known this women for over three years where I work. Never really hungout but their was attraction between. When I found out she was married I kind of backed off. This past year we talked a bit more. My friend told me from work, she was seperated from her husband due to him sleeping with two women in their apt complex. She never told me about this.

 

I put it together. She was texting me and being so flirty because of their separation. She has two kids also at 29. I guess I was a fill in and she felt lonely. When they made up, the texting etc stopped. I never call her or ask to hangout. I don't wanna mess especially since she is a sub at the place I work and her husband plays basketball at our facility sometimes.

 

Weeks ago she had a bday party and I went. None of my coworkers went. It was so awkward guys. It was her friends and fam. I felt so out of place. I left a little early from her party. At that party, she never introduced to her hubby, she was right there with him. She also never brings him up, except on one occassion out of three years.

 

After the party, their was no contact. I was just thinking if your married why are texting me etc. I have two phone numbers numbers folks. She has them. I texted her a week ago because a friend of ours got fired. So I told her to check on him and show support. She never responded to my text. Today I get a text on my other phone line and she said to call her. She said to me " I didn't know it was you". "I didn't save that number". How would you not know it wasn't me, if I texted u from the that number for months a while back? Anyway talking today, she said "you can call me sometimes. Okay, I will talk to you later." How would you read into that? Feels like she just wants me as a hang around. Please note, I never initiate contact with her at all. Thanks!

[Ursa]

"Please note, I never initiate contact with her at all."

 

But you do. You said yourself that YOU texted HER, and she didn't respond right away because she had not saved your number in her phone and didnt' recognize it when it came up.

 

If she had your number saved under your name, only your name would have come up associated with your texts. If she deleted your contact information after, then she would have no reason to recognize your number when it showed up again unattached to a name. Sounds like she did reach out a bit after that, when she realized it was you, but from what you are relating it hardly sounds like a passionate conversation.

 

When she was separated from her husband and reeling with hurt, she considered getting involved with you. Then she reconciled with her husband and she changed her mind and deleted your number from her phone. My guess is she invited a few people from work to her birthday party, not just you....granted, inviting a man she was flirting with during her separation over to her family birthday party is questionable behavior, but it's hard to know if she was just being friendly and it meant nothing or if it means her marriage is on shaky ground and she's still ambivalent.

 

You could sit around and agonize about this for weeks and play this long drawn out cat-and-mouse game where you try to figure out whether her marriage is rocky and she's looking to get romantic with you--but why? Obviously she was hurt by her husband's infidelity and is probably vulnerable and confused still, maybe considering a revenge affair, maybe just temporarily lost her center as to what is appropriate. She's probably a mess of emotional baggage and on some level sending out mixed signals all over the place, but she and her husband are presumably trying to work through a crap ton of relationship issues if they are giving reconciliation a real try. Just let them wrestle through their stuff without outside interference. They have two young children.

 

You don't have to know exactly what stage of recovery their marriage is in, or exactly what thoughts were running through her head when she called you back. It's obviously a complicated situation and you're better off staying on the outside of it. Delete her number and go check out some single girls. If next year the ring is gone and she's divorced, then maybe you two can start from scratch.

[ladiesmentor]

"Please note, I never initiate contact with her at all."

 

But you do. You said yourself that YOU texted HER, and she didn't respond right away because she had not saved your number in her phone and didnt' recognize it when it came up.

 

If she had your number saved under your name, only your name would have come up associated with your texts. If she deleted your contact information after, then she would have no reason to recognize your number when it showed up again unattached to a name. Sounds like she did reach out a bit after that, when she realized it was you, but from what you are relating it hardly sounds like a passionate conversation.

 

When she was separated from her husband and reeling with hurt, she considered getting involved with you. Then she reconciled with her husband and she changed her mind and deleted your number from her phone. My guess is she invited a few people from work to her birthday party, not just you....granted, inviting a man she was flirting with during her separation over to her family birthday party is questionable behavior, but it's hard to know if she was just being friendly and it meant nothing or if it means her marriage is on shaky ground and she's still ambivalent.

 

You could sit around and agonize about this for weeks and play this long drawn out cat-and-mouse game where you try to figure out whether her marriage is rocky and she's looking to get romantic with you--but why? Obviously she was hurt by her husband's infidelity and is probably vulnerable and confused still, maybe considering a revenge affair, maybe just temporarily lost her center as to what is appropriate. She's probably a mess of emotional baggage and on some level sending out mixed signals all over the place, but she and her husband are presumably trying to work through a crap ton of relationship issues if they are giving reconciliation a real try. Just let them wrestle through their stuff without outside interference. They have two young children.

 

You don't have to know exactly what stage of recovery their marriage is in, or exactly what thoughts were running through her head when she called you back. It's obviously a complicated situation and you're better off staying on the outside of it. Delete her number and go check out some single girls. If next year the ring is gone and she's divorced, then maybe you two can start from scratch.

 

Thanks Ursa great advice.

[fishtaco]

She sounds like bad news, even if she were divorced/separated, and you wanted to play along, I would rank her as casual. And casual means don't spend so much effort on her, thinking about her... etc. Not worth it.

 

Let's say it's reasonable for her to flirt and find a temp during the separation, why not. But like Ursa said, bringing someone in that she flirted with into that situaion is bad judgement and asking for drama. Plus she didn't have to drop you like that. At least do the friend thing. I have a feeling she wanted you to show up as an ego boost. You showed, she got her validation, you are no longer useful.

 

And, this is someone that would go back to a husband that cheated on her with two women. I have no respect for her husband for being a cheating bastard, but I also have no respect for her for going back to him. Grow a backbone.

 

In the grand scheme of things, she's nothing. Plenty of other women to hit up on, why her? She comes with baggages and has already displayed some fairly strong warning signs. If she happens to be exceedingly attractive, then I can understand why, but crazy is best avoided. Judgement call.

 

Let it drop off. She's going to be busy with working on this 2nd change for her husband anyway. You should be busy hitting up on a bunch of other women.

[ladiesmentor]

She sounds like bad news, even if she were divorced/separated, and you wanted to play along, I would rank her as casual. And casual means don't spend so much effort on her, thinking about her... etc. Not worth it.

 

Let's say it's reasonable for her to flirt and find a temp during the separation, why not. But like Ursa said, bringing someone in that she flirted with into that situaion is bad judgement and asking for drama. Plus she didn't have to drop you like that. At least do the friend thing. I have a feeling she wanted you to show up as an ego boost. You showed, she got her validation, you are no longer useful.

 

And, this is someone that would go back to a husband that cheated on her with two women. I have no respect for her husband for being a cheating bastard, but I also have no respect for her for going back to him. Grow a backbone.

 

In the grand scheme of things, she's nothing. Plenty of other women to hit up on, why her? She comes with baggages and has already displayed some fairly strong warning signs. If she happens to be exceedingly attractive, then I can understand why, but crazy is best avoided. Judgement call.

 

Let it drop off. She's going to be busy with working on this 2nd change for her husband anyway. You should be busy hitting up on a bunch of other women.

 

Yeah I was turned off when she went back to him after he cheated twice with two diff women in his own apt complex. But she so pretty lol. That kind of turned me off when she went back to him. I work at a gym so hopefully someone comes along. I find by not looking for it I meet girls for some reason.