youngnlove89 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 It's been two weeks of NC and I am tired of having nothing to do in the evenings. All of the advice I've been given, most of it has been to get out and do things because it helps you cope. I don't have many friends here, and the friends I have are married or in serious relationships and can't always go out when I want to. So I was thinking about going out by myself. I joined a gym and I go almost every day, which I love doing! But what about going to the movies by yourself or going to a nice restaurant and sitting at the bar by yourself with wine and dinner. I am on meetup.com, but I haven't really tried it yet, kind of nervous I guess. And I was on girlfriend social, but nothing really sticks. We message back and forth for awhile and then plans slip. Do you go out by yourself? If not, would you? And when you are out with your friends do you see many people by themselves? What would you think of them?
Ponders Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 The loneliness that accompanies breaking up is what makes the process so difficult... especially when you don't have a solid social circle to fall back on. I am in a similar situation as I feel like I don't have many friends which makes me miss the person I consciously trying not to talk to even more. I see people out alone quite often and I usually try and give a smile and nod, which they are usually quite receptive too. Although I can't offer too much advice because I'm in a similar situation, I can however offer the wisdom of just putting yourself out there. If you see someone you want to talk to then do it. Don't worry about the judgements you think people are placing on you because they don't really exist. If they don't want to talk, they weren't right for you anways. 1
SoulSearcher22 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I guess it would be weird to see a girl out by herself in the bar scene, but I have seen it. And guys will talk to you, if that's what you're looking for. I've been to a few movies by myself also. Yes, I would go out by myself and going to eat at a restaurants bar alone isn't bad. Maybe you'll meet a cool bartender, guy or girl. I'm a guy, though, for what it's worth. The gym thing is definitely cool. 2
prettycutesoul Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Come to the East coast? We can hang. hahah but yeah I feel you with the loneliness and doing things alone, I don't have much friends either. My mistake was putting revolving my life around my bf.-Worst decision ever. I feel the aftermath of it now and i regret it but I wil try to pick myself back up. I still haven't done the meetup thing, would love to though but I am scared like yourself. I am not good in social situations myself. Maybe do it slowly go to a movie by yourself. I am doing that tonight. I actually like doing things by myself, especially watching a movie and shopping cause everything is on my time! But when I am out with people and see other people by themselves I don't think anything, it's normal. IN fact sometimes even when I am with friends I feel alone anyways. Same thing. 2
It's Just Me Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Meetup.com is great! Do it. I have to say, though... I dined alone for the first time last year, and it was kind of nice! Servers seem to treat you differently, but in a good way. I really enjoyed it. 1
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 prettycutesoul, what movie are you seeing tonight? anything good out? I might have a "date" tonight, but I just KNOW I'm not ready, I'm already getting nervous about it and it makes me kind of scared, but I really want to go out and have fun too. So I might need to step out of my comfort zone. It's just as friends, no expectations. He is really good looking too. You never know, right? 1
Own Worst Enemy Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Find a nice spa and book a massage or a facial; take a good book to a restaurant; sign up for an evening class in cooking or languages; join a running club; stick a poster up at the local supermarket with an email address asking if anyone wants to join a book club...
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 Find a nice spa and book a massage or a facial; take a good book to a restaurant; sign up for an evening class in cooking or languages; join a running club; stick a poster up at the local supermarket with an email address asking if anyone wants to join a book club... Awesome! Good ideas! Thanks Anyone wanna come visit Arizona?! 1
sweetheart5381 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 It's been two weeks of NC and I am tired of having nothing to do in the evenings. All of the advice I've been given, most of it has been to get out and do things because it helps you cope. I don't have many friends here, and the friends I have are married or in serious relationships and can't always go out when I want to. So I was thinking about going out by myself. I joined a gym and I go almost every day, which I love doing! But what about going to the movies by yourself or going to a nice restaurant and sitting at the bar by yourself with wine and dinner. I am on meetup.com, but I haven't really tried it yet, kind of nervous I guess. And I was on girlfriend social, but nothing really sticks. We message back and forth for awhile and then plans slip. Do you go out by yourself? If not, would you? And when you are out with your friends do you see many people by themselves? What would you think of them? There is nothing wrong with going out alone, even as a female, as long as you are cautious about strangers. Going to a movie, a restaurant, an art gallery, a live music show etc is really cool, you can end up meeting lots of other like-minded folks (assuming you are into those things). Just play it safe and err on the side of caution. Be very wary of bars or other places where you may drink/use substances too much and let your judgement slip a little. I learned the hard way when a man listened in on a conversation I was having in a bar with a friend and learned all of my details/weaknesses. He learned I was new in the city, didn't really know my way around, where I worked, what I did for a living, etc. When my friend left he easily swooped and led me to believe he was an honest genuine person that was a professional and knowledgeable in my field. When he got me alone he raped me. As long as you are careful, you can have a lot of fun alone and there are plenty of others that go out alone too. I still go out alone... am just very careful and tend to bring my dog Mya, a lovely sweet pitbull that will eat anyone that tries any funny business with me Take care and get out there! 1
prettycutesoul Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 prettycutesoul, what movie are you seeing tonight? anything good out? I might have a "date" tonight, but I just KNOW I'm not ready, I'm already getting nervous about it and it makes me kind of scared, but I really want to go out and have fun too. So I might need to step out of my comfort zone. It's just as friends, no expectations. He is really good looking too. You never know, right? Its between Gatsby or Star trek or both haha. Already have a date!! Nice. Go out have fun. Hahha i wish i had something like that so I can get over my ex SO much quicker. Esp if the guy is ooo good looking
aisuru Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I've done the following things alone: Visit local museums and art galleries Go to the movies Go to dinner Walk the mall Go to the spa Go to the beach Volunteer Run 5k races Sewing classes (I'm a little weird) And yes, I've even gone to a local dive bar, sat at the counter, and enjoyed a drink or two. Even when nobody has spoken to me. I don't go to the clubbier or trendier places solo. That's just a meat market. 1
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 Its between Gatsby or Star trek or both haha. Already have a date!! Nice. Go out have fun. Hahha i wish i had something like that so I can get over my ex SO much quicker. Esp if the guy is ooo good looking I know I want to see Gatsby!! Still not sure if I will go with Mr. Debonair. I just don't want it to make things worse for me and miss my ex more. I rather go out with a girl. Is that bad? 1
prettycutesoul Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I've done the following things alone: Visit local museums and art galleries Go to the movies Go to dinner Walk the mall Go to the spa Go to the beach Volunteer Run 5k races Sewing classes (I'm a little weird) And yes, I've even gone to a local dive bar, sat at the counter, and enjoyed a drink or two. Even when nobody has spoken to me. I don't go to the clubbier or trendier places solo. That's just a meat market. I hate clubs even with friends!!! Lol one thing i dislike is clubbing. Never had a good experience there cause of all the grinding involved by sweaty icky men. 1
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 There is nothing wrong with going out alone, even as a female, as long as you are cautious about strangers. Going to a movie, a restaurant, an art gallery, a live music show etc is really cool, you can end up meeting lots of other like-minded folks (assuming you are into those things). Just play it safe and err on the side of caution. Be very wary of bars or other places where you may drink/use substances too much and let your judgement slip a little. I learned the hard way when a man listened in on a conversation I was having in a bar with a friend and learned all of my details/weaknesses. He learned I was new in the city, didn't really know my way around, where I worked, what I did for a living, etc. When my friend left he easily swooped and led me to believe he was an honest genuine person that was a professional and knowledgeable in my field. When he got me alone he raped me. As long as you are careful, you can have a lot of fun alone and there are plenty of others that go out alone too. I still go out alone... am just very careful and tend to bring my dog Mya, a lovely sweet pitbull that will eat anyone that tries any funny business with me Take care and get out there! I'm so sorry you had to go through that! I had a similar thing happen to me too! It was scary and I am lot more cautious than I was. That's why doing things by myself can be kind of scary.
KPChick000 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Nothing wrong with doing things on your own! What I personally like is going to the nail salon and getting a mani/pedi. Time to pamper yourself . Plus you can vent to the ladies if they are friendly lol. There is some downtime though where your thoughts can run wild, so watch out for that.
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 There is some downtime though where your thoughts can run wild, so watch out for that. I know I'm trying really hard to avoid that. I was even thinking about taking a walk tonight when it gets cooler. I just don't know how to handle when the pain comes. I hate that sad feeling.
prettycutesoul Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I know I want to see Gatsby!! Still not sure if I will go with Mr. Debonair. I just don't want it to make things worse for me and miss my ex more. I rather go out with a girl. Is that bad? Nah i'd rather go out with a close gf than a guy I know what you mean. but go have fun take it one step at a time.
prettycutesoul Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 P.S. I hate weekends. Me too. Hate the weekends.
KPChick000 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Sounds like we all need some girl talk sleepover party! Lol make all the guys jealous. 1
soccerrprp Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Sounds like we all need some girl talk sleepover party! Lol make all the guys jealous. Uh, uh, I'm joining in! I hate the weekends too...
Keenly Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I always have a hard time reading your posts because my eyes always just want to stare at your avatar. 1
ChazzB Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 i used to hate going to the movies alone... i still kinda do but i love movies so ... thing is. there are things you enjoy and love, and you enjoy them despite being or not in a relationship. so that is what i think you should focus on. even if (like my case) all those things were deeply connected with your past love, it does not necessarily mean that you won't enjoy them anymore. on the other hand, as a man, i don't have that array of girl-only activities xD that also help in these cases... hehehe i would hang out with everyone in here but im in Mexico so just get to send you guys good wishes and yeah, weekends get better once you regain a social circle. and doing what you like, usually means you will find more people that like it, and you see the point right? 1
happydate Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 (edited) It's been two weeks of NC and I am tired of having nothing to do in the evenings. All of the advice I've been given, most of it has been to get out and do things because it helps you cope. I don't have many friends here, and the friends I have are married or in serious relationships and can't always go out when I want to. So I was thinking about going out by myself. I joined a gym and I go almost every day, which I love doing! But what about going to the movies by yourself or going to a nice restaurant and sitting at the bar by yourself with wine and dinner. I am on meetup.com, but I haven't really tried it yet, kind of nervous I guess. And I was on girlfriend social, but nothing really sticks. We message back and forth for awhile and then plans slip. Do you go out by yourself? If not, would you? And when you are out with your friends do you see many people by themselves? What would you think of them? Just looking at your bio and avatar, you are definitely a bright and happy person with a touch of spirituality. I have a strong feeling that you may have experienced seeing ghosts and brush with spirits during your trials and tribulations? You live in Arizona. Are you close to Sedona, Arizona? It's not a long drive from Scottsdale Arizona if you are from there. There should be some meetup groups in Arizona that deal with the metaphysical and perhaps it's your calling to get in touch with them. If you are spiritual in tune with the spirits, any failed relationship is a calling or I called it a boost for you to be in tune with the spiritual world more and the tendency of a spiritually gifted person is the loneliness of life itself whereby your friends are in marriage and relationships and you are not. By the way, you are NOT alone. You are watched by your guides so technically, you are not doing things alone. If you see a ghost, that's probably one of your guides giving you some support for the eventual breakup. It has been my experience that before my own breakup, I get phone calls from my best friends asking me how I do almost 2 days before I get dumped. It's weird, but I see that as blessed. In my dreams, I see the soul of my ex comforting me that the decision is mutual and was not in away to harm me. I am a man and for every relationship failures I faced come the enlightenment that my spirituality grows and having a psychic gift helps . You live in a blessed place of Arizona, especially Sedona. It's a mecca for spirituality. Pretty much every psychic and metaphysical stuff are based there! Blessings. Edited May 18, 2013 by happydate
OwlSoul Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Some strong people find harmony in being lonely. We, dumpees, actually lose this harmony and being able to be happy on our own.
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