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Posted

I have been doing online dating on and off for a year. I am considered quite attractive, athletic, slender body, and earn a fairly good living. I am an empty nester. I am 49 but people would say I look 40. My friends think I am smart, funny and a good person.

 

I meet very high caliber men online. I have met many that I like very much. But why do these things always fizzle out around three dates. Classic example: 3 great dates. He is going out of town but excited to see me when he returns. Several sweet emails while away. He initiated all. Then nothing. Don't hear anything. This happens All the time. I don't know what I do wrong.

 

My friends say there is nothing wrong with me but I disagree. It happens way too often. Sometimes I do get the the ".... But let's stay in touch" email.

 

Any advice is welcome.

Posted

Do you have sex with these men within these times? Do you date your age? Do you have children?

 

I was told by a woman that men seem to want someone that will always be attractive. Unrealistic, yes, but there are many men like that. Although you may be 49 and very attractive, they probably don't see that lasting....I'm not like that, but many men are.

 

Also, you attract high-powered men, not such a great thing in my mind, b/c such men tend to want other such women. Are you?

Posted

Yeah they are probably just looking for sex.... Why else would guys like these be lurking on a dating site ;)

Posted

I have had the same thing happen to me. Inititally, these guys are just wild about me, sometimes they will call several times the next night after meeting, then exactly as you said after three dates, nothing from them. My theory is that in some cases, the more crazy about you they are initially, the more likely it will burn out quickly. In other words, a very sincere, thinking man will not usually indicate to a woman in three dates that he is wild about her, as he thinks first before he jumps in. In addition, I have had many guys that I've met that do not call back after the first meeting, so the dating game is very unpredictable. I don't think it has anything to do with age, as this has happened to me most of my dating life, even when I was quite young.

Posted
Do you have sex with these men within these times? Do you date your age? Do you have children?

 

I was told by a woman that men seem to want someone that will always be attractive. Unrealistic, yes, but there are many men like that. Although you may be 49 and very attractive, they probably don't see that lasting....I'm not like that, but many men are.

 

Also, you attract high-powered men, not such a great thing in my mind, b/c such men tend to want other such women. Are you?

 

... If what you say is true... then they shouldn't have contacted her in the first place.

Posted

OP, I don't see it as an age thing. I see it as an 'online dating' thing.

 

My guess is that these guys are just looking for sex. Guys online especially...

 

They will lay it on thick hoping to get some ASAP... when it doesn't happen by the third date or around then, they are moving on.

 

Or they are 'love' addicts... they are single because they need that constant high of new 'lurve'... whatever it means to them.

 

My advice, OP, is don't take anything a guy you meet online says seriously until you've known him a few months.

  • Like 2
Posted
I have been doing online dating on and off for a year. I am considered quite attractive, athletic, slender body, and earn a fairly good living. I am an empty nester. I am 49 but people would say I look 40. My friends think I am smart, funny and a good person.

 

I meet very high caliber men online. I have met many that I like very much. But why do these things always fizzle out around three dates. Classic example: 3 great dates. He is going out of town but excited to see me when he returns. Several sweet emails while away. He initiated all. Then nothing. Don't hear anything. This happens All the time. I don't know what I do wrong.

 

My friends say there is nothing wrong with me but I disagree. It happens way too often. Sometimes I do get the the ".... But let's stay in touch" email.

 

Any advice is welcome.

 

Been there, done that. It's not you. It's just the nature of the online dating world, where 85% of your dates will never pan out. Most of the guys online are either married, just looking to get laid, and wanting to add yet another name to their "get a date at the drop of the hat" stable.

 

My advice is to invest less of yourself in the early discovery phase. The book called "Why Men Love Bitches" helped a lot with that. Makes you spot the non-serious ones more clearly, too.

  • Like 2
Posted
... If what you say is true... then they shouldn't have contacted her in the first place.

 

...except for sex. Oops, missed your earlier post. Yeah, just sex.

Posted
...except for sex. Oops, missed your earlier post. Yeah, just sex.

 

Yea, well... you could afford to stop promoting stupid stereotypes yourself. It usually doesn't take more than one date to figure out one's age and if they have kids...

 

Usually sorted out BEFORE a first date...

 

Maybe a better line of questions would be... "were you honest about your age, pictures, children, marital status, and relationship expectations before that time?"

 

If so, then it has nothing to do with anything you listed... it's all about guys trying to weasel their way into some NSA sex, a FWB, or good-for-now arrangement posing as something else.

Posted

Sounds like these men are divorced and unsure of dating rules so they googled and found the 3 Date Rule. If a woman won't have sex on the third date, she never will. I'm sure many men believe that. Having come out of sexless marriages, they are afraid of making the same mistake.

 

I am always wary when a man says he will be going out of town. I know that is code for he will not be pursuing further. I've started using that excuse myself.

  • Like 4
Posted
I am always wary when a man says he will be going out of town. I know that is code for he will not be pursuing further.

 

I was going to say that... 'going out of town' is usually code for pursuing other options or not pursuing at all. Yep.

 

If they are still interested, going out of town doesn't keep them from doing anything they couldn't do while they were in town... ie calling, texting, emailing or other forms of communication.

Posted
Yea, well... you could afford to stop promoting stupid stereotypes yourself. It usually doesn't take more than one date to figure out one's age and if they have kids...

 

Usually sorted out BEFORE a first date...

 

Maybe a better line of questions would be... "were you honest about your age, pictures, children, marital status, and relationship expectations before that time?"

 

If so, then it has nothing to do with anything you listed... it's all about guys trying to weasel their way into some NSA sex, a FWB, or good-for-now arrangement posing as something else.

 

Yikes, RedRobin, yikes. I was trying to get a better idea of what was happening and not necessarily jumping to the conclusion that it was sex alone.

 

Hmmmm. Stereotypes, not my intention, but you have your right to misunderstand and misconstrue like the rest of us.

Posted
Yikes, RedRobin, yikes. I was trying to get a better idea of what was happening and not necessarily jumping to the conclusion that it was sex alone.

 

Hmmmm. Stereotypes, not my intention, but you have your right to misunderstand and misconstrue like the rest of us.

 

Guess I'm just tired of hearing that women over "fill in the blank" age somehow should expect to be treated a certain way and it's her problem.

 

If she's representing herself correctly, and the guy is acting interested, then there are only two reasons why he'd stop acting interested so soon...

 

a) he found someone more interesting

b) he was only in it for the sex

 

I'll take b) nearly all of the time. Especially if the OP is dating men her own age. Men in that age group online are notorious for that behavior.

 

Hey OP, maybe that is something you should try... stop trying to date these guys. Tell them you want to be friends/activity partners. That usually is very effective in eliminating the 3 date rule guys. The guys who think you are looking for something casual.... you can weed them out really early too. They aren't shy about it. The rest treat you really respectfully. Is the way to go, IMHO.

Posted
Guess I'm just tired of hearing that women over "fill in the blank" age somehow should expect to be treated a certain way and it's her problem.

 

 

That never crossed my mind. :)

Posted
Although you may be 49 and very attractive, they probably don't see that lasting....I'm not like that, but many men are.

 

That never crossed your mind? Then why did you mention it.

 

What about them 'not seeing that lasting' has anything whatsoever to do with going for three dates then disappearing.

Posted

My son made an observation today, nothing to do with dating, but it really applies. He said "in the wild, if the predators fail to get the prey they were chasing, they'll give up and move to some other target". It applies here, IMHO.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted

I'd like to clarify that my daughter is grown and lives out of the country. I am dating in my age group, maybe a bit older. I have not had sex with them. I have not misrepresented myself. My photos are accurate. I like the advice to not invest so much early in the process.

 

All of this feedback is awesome.

  • Author
Posted
try the average men online, not just the high caliber men. they'd appreciate you. but ah, the hottie with a six figure salary is always going to tempt women.

 

I too am a hottie with a six figure salary.

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