Tink19 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Me and my bf broke up almost 3 weeks ago. We dated almost a year and a half. He said he wasn't ready/mature for a relationship and didn't want one right now. Idk if that's bs or not but he was always busy and I think it just got too hard for him. He said he won't date until college. I'm 18 and he's 17. I did nothing wrong and gave so much to him. I should've ended it awhile ago but I didn't because I was stupid and liked him so much. He never cries so when we broke up I did and he said he wasn't emotional because he thought about it for a week and that he did "one tear" when thinking about it the night before. I knew he wasn't really in it as much as me due to his age but I still dated him and he did care for me. We had great memories and he was so sweet before his life got crazy. The next week he thought I was flirting with guys and got upset thinking that I didn't like him while we were dating and now he knows why we broke up then. I didn't think I was but oh well...2 days after we broke up I heard he was already talking to this girl. And while we were dating I could kind of see he liked her in a way. Well he keeps flirting with that girl in front of me and his sister says he likes her. I know I shouldn't care, but it still kind of hurts to see that. We dated for a long time and were each others first bf/gf. At one point he really did care for me. Is he doing this on purpose? How can he just move on like that? I feel like he didn't care for us but then I think back on our memories and question that. He hid all of our photos together on facebook and blocked me from his friend list and acts so weird around me in person. Kind of quiet but mad looking. If anything I should be mad for giving up so much for him while dating and getting nothing return. Idk if he's still mad about the whole flirting guy thing. I'm trying to move on but this still sucks and hurts. He's turning into a jerk. I know we should keep distance but we'll still see each other at places and I'm trying to be civil considering it wasn't a bad break up. I don't expect him to take this right because he barely knew what he was doing in the relationship. P.S We're both saving sex until marriage so don't say he just wants sex. He's not that kind of guy.
Quiet Storm Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Some people move on fast because they already grieved the relationship while they were still together. It can be hard to break up with someone, and sometimes it takes a long time to go through with it. So he could've decided months ago that you weren't right for him, and grieved the relationship back then. Now that he finally did it, he's already over it. Another possibility is that many men don't "sit" with their feelings like women do (generally, not always). Sadness and negative feelings can make men uncomfortable, so they keep themselves busy in order to replace those sad feelings with good ones. Women are emotion & feeling oriented. We often cry, talk it out with friends, remember the good times, look at pictures, etc. Men are often action oriented. They don't want to feel, they want to "do". They avoid talking about it with friends and keep themselves busy to avoid thinking about it too much. This doesn't mean they aren't feeling sad, it just means they deal with the grief in a different way.
youngnlove89 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Some people move on fast because they already grieved the relationship while they were still together. It can be hard to break up with someone, and sometimes it takes a long time to go through with it. So he could've decided months ago that you weren't right for him, and grieved the relationship back then. Now that he finally did it, he's already over it. Another possibility is that many men don't "sit" with their feelings like women do (generally, not always). Sadness and negative feelings can make men uncomfortable, so they keep themselves busy in order to replace those sad feelings with good ones. Women are emotion & feeling oriented. We often cry, talk it out with friends, remember the good times, look at pictures, etc. Men are often action oriented. They don't want to feel, they want to "do". They avoid talking about it with friends and keep themselves busy to avoid thinking about it too much. This doesn't mean they aren't feeling sad, it just means they deal with the grief in a different way. I'm going to try this then
Josh92 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Not true, that guys can quickly able to move on. They don't want to feel, they want to "do". They avoid talking about it with friends Also, not true. 1
soccerrprp Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 P.S We're both saving sex until marriage so don't say he just wants sex. He's not that kind of guy. Okay, won't say it. But YOU DO NOT KNOW HIM AS WELL AS YOU MAY WANT TO. You are not him. I hope this is not it, but possible.
Mrlonelyone Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 It's not a gender thing. In long relationships if one person wants to break it off they have probably been thinking about it for a while. Their feelings fade and they have checked out totally. Then something prompts them. A new job far away + distance = breakup. A new look from a new person (who will have sex, or just better sex, with them) = break up. I can go on. Like right now I feel kinda where he may be given my own situation. I had serious reservations and doubts about one young woman I have written about here much. We had some good ups, and a few downs. In the end we have both moved on to other people. That makes it easier for me. It makes me care much less about whatever dramatic thing she does. Just know this, everyone who has had relationships has had them end. We all survived and so will you.
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 As I've stated before. Has nothing to do with gender. Has everything to do with emotional investment. When you are barely invested, moving on is quick and easy. When you are heavily invested, moving on is slow and painful. Where do you fit on the scale? Where does your partner fit? That should explain speed and ease of moving on… 1
Quiet Storm Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Not true, that guys can quickly able to move on. Also, not true. It's not true for you, which is why I used the term "generally". Also, to clarify my post. A guy keeping busy to get his mind off it has not "moved on" emotionally. He's coping with it. I've noticed that men & women often cope with grief/breakups/turmoil differently. This doesn't mean that there aren't some men that cry over their ice cream. Or that there are no women that decide to clean out the garage. However, there are general differences with coping/ grief that counselors & psychologists make note of frequently.
Quiet Storm Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 As I've stated before. Has nothing to do with gender. Has everything to do with emotional investment. When you are barely invested, moving on is quick and easy. When you are heavily invested, moving on is slow and painful. Where do you fit on the scale? Where does your partner fit? That should explain speed and ease of moving on… Of course if there is no emotional investment, then there will be no grieving and coping won't be necessary. Regardless of gender. But if there is emotional investment, then men and women do often cope with their grief differently. Notice I said "often". Not "always". So you can't assume that just because her guy is busy that he is over it. That's all I was saying. I offered her two scenarios that I think are good possibilites.
Author Tink19 Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 Ah I see. I just can't shake the feeling that I probably wasn't that important to him if he's able to have feelings for someone else so quickly. I feel stupid for falling for him. Idk if he still cares for me at all since it seems like he just didn't want a relationship in his life right now...I'll never know I guess..
SoulSearcher22 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Not all guys do. Took me a little while before I wanted to talk to girls. Then after that, I just wanted to have one night stands. Hated you girls. But, eventually got over it and am now looking for someone to actually care for again. Been a while since my break up.
Quiet Storm Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Ah I see. I just can't shake the feeling that I probably wasn't that important to him if he's able to have feelings for someone else so quickly. I feel stupid for falling for him. Idk if he still cares for me at all since it seems like he just didn't want a relationship in his life right now...I'll never know I guess.. Try not to focus on the reasons why. It won't help you move on, and will keep you stuck. A person can still care about you, and not want a relationship with you. You have to accept their decision. Even if you don't agree. Even if it doesn't make sense to you. Imagine your brain as real estate. Right now you are letting him live rent free in your head. Kick him out. He doesn't deserve your thoughts. I know it's easier said than done, but try to keep yourself busy. Surround yourself with people you love and do the things you like to do.
Author Tink19 Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 Thanks I'll try. Any advice on how to deal with him flirting with that girl in front of me? I know I should ignore it and try to not let it bother me, but it still does.
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