SimonSerenade Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 So I got back with my ex and though I still have some bitter feelings for the ending I'm just happy to be back at her side and though I feel the time apart was needed to see how we'd do without each other (not very well), I just don't know how to get over the fear she may up and leave again, she told me it got too serious too fast and when I asked her to marry me she only said yes to make me happy and it wasn't what she really wanted, to me it's never been anything other than serious and I've never wanted to be without her since the day I met her, for these reasons I fear she may leave again one day and I know I'm going to find it hard to be myself around her now, one disagreement I fear I'll be long gone, how do you get over that feeling?
na49 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 You don't get over it. You'll always be afraid to lose them again because you've lost them once already. You just take it for what it is. We were afraid to lose them the first time. We're afraid to lose them again. Like you, I have also gotten back together with my ex. It's what we sign up for when we take them back. We accept them, their past, our past with them, we accept anything they have done while out of the relationship, and we assume they want the relationship to work as badly as we do otherwise they wouldn't want to try again. Then we read their actions and see if that's true or not. (for the most part in the month+ I've been back with her, she's shown me she wants it) We just take it for what it is. There's always a possibility they will leave again, but it's best not to worry about it. Instead just realize that EVERYTHING can end. As badly as we don't want our relationship to end. 1
Author SimonSerenade Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 Thanks for the reply I wouldn't say it's good to know there's someone else who's in the same situation but it helps to know I'm not alone in feeling this way, I geuss it's something you just have to get on with and forget over time, it seems like she really wants this to work, it'll probably take a while to get to a place where I feel secure again but just having her by my side is enough for now and it's better than the place I was without her, I just hope she starts sending me nice messages again soon, she's always found it hard to open up, a little more so than usual lately.
na49 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I felt like you did the first week. It's still surreal. They are actually back. You are actually in a relationship with them again. It will pass and it won't be on your mind as much as it is right now. Right now you're still in disbelief so it seems like "Okay. So when does reality strike and I go back to being miserable? She can't actually be back. ...can she?"
Author SimonSerenade Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 Well said, that's exactly how I feel right now, saw her last night and it felt weird for a whole at first as it had been a good while since I last saw her, things that used to feel natural just didn't anymore but things felt more normal as the night went on and we opened up just that little bit more, as much as I hated the pain I was in without her I don't regret it as it gave me time to reflect on the things I did wrong, just going to take a while to readjust to the relationship again now and get over the shock and disbelief that were together again, I honestly didn't think it was possible when I rang her out of the blue, I was just expecting to be brushed aside and told to get lost. o.0
Deerhunter Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 My ex and I divorced in 1994 and reconciled that same year. 18 years later, she's gone again. Now my ex is bipolar, has ptsd and is an alcoholic. I have some good friends that have been divorced twice and married three times to each other. You never know what will happen. You have to start from now. Talk about the good times from the past but bury the bad times and never dig them up. No one can change what happened yesterday. You'll never forget but you have to forgive. I wish y'all the best.( 1
Author SimonSerenade Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 I'm really sorry to hear that, it's so sad my cousin went like that after she divorced her husband a few years back, even now she still struggles to put down the bottle, doesn't look after her kids and pretty much hates being around anyone, it must of been hard for you, certainly puts my problems in perspective, I should just enjoy my time with her without looking round the corners. 1
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