Splatty Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 My ex gf broke up with me a few months (August) back after a 3.5 year relationship. A guy from her work totally told her "what she needed to hear" and she started dating him days after we broke up and is still with him. The reason I am so curious about rebounds is because I have finally started to really move on with my life. I am focused on the fact that 3 months and I graduate from uni and then i am traveling across the world (From Canada going to New Zealand) to work for half a year (leave in January). I am really worried that my ex is going to realize that she is in a rebound right before I leave. That would seriously screw with my emotions before I leave. I really think it is a rebound relationship and it got me curious about them: My question to everyone who's ex has had a rebound or if you yourself have had a rebound what was it like? i.e. really great until you realized it or really fell for the person and thought they loved you. What are the reasons to have one? or why did you have one? to fill an emotional void? to try to get over the last person? scared of commitment? How long did it take them or you to realize it was a rebound? Splatty
backspn Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 I dont know much about rebound raltionships cept that they never last for more than a few months. The chance that SHE will be dumped by him is very high. Whatever you do....continue to move to New Zealand....dont change your plans. Remember...she left you....you dont have to take her back. Who knows...when you get back from NZ...maybe you two can hook up again.
aFighter Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 I like throwing in the exceptions to the rules My bro met his wife about a month after she broke up with her cheating ex. They're together 6 years now, married and have a son & are planning a second kid. So that's one 'rebound' thing that worked.
Author Splatty Posted September 29, 2004 Author Posted September 29, 2004 backspn and aFighter thanks for the replies. aFighter: I am glad to hear that you bro found the girl for him. If the grass is really greener I can't blame someone for switching. I just don't think that this is the situation in my case. Btw I am not changing my plans for her.... no ****ing way. Anyone else have any info on rebounds..... I would love to hear from someone who had one.
daphne02071 Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 Dear Splatty They say that rebound relationships usually don't last long as it is not very wise to just "jump" into another relationship immediately after a breakup - especially if the relationship had been a long-lasting one. Unless you spend some time on your own and clean up the "mess" in your heart and mind, I think all you do is carrying the burden from one relationship to another - the issues remaining the same and unsolved. As you cannot know though how things are going to develop, you cannot just put your life on hold, hoping that she will come around. She may but she may not. I know it's hard but you have no choice really - I am in a similar position and I am aware of the feelings. Focus on your life and hopefully if and when she returns you will not be interested to take her back anymore. Hugs Daphne
Papillon Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 People tend to throw up a wall of defences, for whatever reason. Being vulnerable after a breakup could be a good thing, if you were fortunate to have your fences down while meeting the right person. Unfortunately that does not happen often, meeting someone you connect with so intimately.
CurlyIam Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 I think that's my main problem. I was in a relationship for 4 and a half years, but the last 6 months were when I had left the country for France. But we were still together, he did come visit me, etc. On one side I did have a lot of time alone, on the other side I was not alone at all. I broke up with my ex and after less than a month I met my current bf. He was the oposite of my ex. Don't ask me why I became exclusive, it just happened. Anyway, the thing is we've been together for 7 months now and I think most of the problems we have right now are due to my not taking enough time alone before I met him. We are a nice couple, we are still together, but I still feel like a basketcase after my last relationship. Lots of anger, frustrations, insecurities. I cannot swear with the hand on my hand that my current bf is the man I'll end up with, but I most certainly will never in my life go back to my ex.
Author Splatty Posted September 29, 2004 Author Posted September 29, 2004 daphne02071, Papillon and CurlyIam Thanks for the responses! Just for the record I am not waiting for her to come back and I am not interested in having her back. I know I have no control over this but I was curious. I am leaving the country... this is the reason she questioned our relationship. I told her how much I cared and that I wanted to stay together. I think out of fear of being alone and also (her parents recently getting divorced) being afraid of commitment she bailed. I am taking my time to clear up my emotional mess before I move on, she did not take any time. I guess I have made the decision to move on and I don't want her to be involved in my life anymore. The problem is that it is hard to kill the emotions, it just needs time. For me I am leaving and I am comfortable with never talking to this person again nor in this point in my life do I want to reistablish trust with them. I guess I want to skip town if she realizes that she bailed from the relationship for the wrong reasons. My worst fear is that her rebound ends right before I leave, making her a problem I don't want to deal with. Also I had curiosity on why some people have rebounds and other (like me) realize that they need to take time. I guess back to my original questions My question to everyone who's ex has had a rebound or if you yourself have had a rebound what was it like? i.e. really great until you realized it or really fell for the person and thought they loved you. What are the reasons to have one? or why did you have one? to fill an emotional void? to try to get over the last person? scared of commitment? How long did it take them or you to realize it was a rebound? CurlyIam : was your ex that bad of a guy or you just wanted different things in the end?
JustaCrazyGirl Posted October 15, 2004 Posted October 15, 2004 Hi There, Just stumbled across this website and found it very interesting. Here is a situation, and I would like to hear what y'all think it is.........Rebound or Real? I was married for 14 yrs, was unhappy in the marriage for several reasons, that arent important now. Mu husband decided I was unhappy because I surely had mental problems, he sought help from a group of people who thought they had all the answers in the world about marriages/breakups/and the reasons some strangers spouse didnt want to be married anymore. He met people from this website, actually travelled out of country to discuss the spouses who were supposedly depressed. Anyhow, he meets a girl, they talk online, a LOT, and the night I finally tell him it is definitely over, he needs to move out, she sneaks downstairs to call her. I find out 2 weeks later, he is travelling to see her(Out of Country), and they are "madly in love" and "soulmates". Now, a mere 6 months later, she has packed up her life, her house, leaving her country and her family, and all that she had, and bought a house here, which he will be moving into. My concern is my three young sons, if this "romance" fails, they will once again be hurt. Is this relationship real or rebound? Might I add, anytime I talk to him on the phone regarding the kids, he still calls me "hun" and told me the other day "he still loves me" then quickly backtracked and said He DID still love me..... Any thoughts on this would be appreciated. TY
CurlyIam Posted October 15, 2004 Posted October 15, 2004 Originally posted by Splatty CurlyIam : was your ex that bad of a guy or you just wanted different things in the end? In a certain way, yes, he was such a bad guy. He would be there for me spiritually and emotionally, yet be very selfish when it came to day to day life. On the other hand, the sexual attraction was gone, so I don't see a good reason to go back. I guess my answer falls onto 'I want very very Different things" right now out of a relationship. I think I awlays did and hoped that there was more to the current relationship, than it really was. Wearing rose glasses a lot, if you know what I mean. That, and the fear to change, the fear to be all alone, with not too much experience in dating, forced to face the fact that my initial convictions were dead wrong (I thought from the first that he was the man of my life and gave 110% to the relationship... Guess who took advantage of it).
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