avocado Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 (edited) This might sound stupid or childish but I really need your opinion on this... We've met in college. We are both in our early 20's and we are pretty much inexperienced. We are both shy and we share a lot in common. I was interested in him first but he was quiet and reserved so I did not really bother. But as the semester went by, in class, he was sitting very close to me, staring at me and blushing when I talked to him. So I went for it and asked him out. He was glad that I did. Although our "dates" weren't exactly awesome every minute, he was keep saying that we should hang out more, he was surprised how time flies by when we hang out, etc. We just hugged a few times, nothing else. He was slow and clueless but I was understanding, since I am inexperienced too and I liked him very much for his sincere and careful personality. We are now finally done with school and since the heavy weights of schoolwork are lifted, I expected things to accelerate a little faster on our 3rd "date." But he kept saying that he wanted to see me but did not come up with an actual plan. Typical clueless, passive him. Every time he just wants something but would not go for it it if I don't go for it first. So I told him I wanted to watch this movie and we met up at the theater. (no dinner, nothing) Towards the end he was not really paying attention to the movie and I was a little annoyed at him. He was not holding my hand or trying anything. I didn't really wanna initiate anything because I've been pretty much initiating everything for him. After the movie, he walked with me to the parking lot and asked me if I wanna hang out next week. I was already so fed up and said "I'm not sure" and left. So the bottom line is: He still "wants" to see me but he won't make a substantial (physical) move? What does it mean? Are we in the friend zone or is he gay? Should I just let him go or give him one more chance? I am so frustrated. Please help! Edited May 17, 2013 by avocado
tricolors Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 (edited) Things like this seem very simple to me, but I might be crazy... Flat out tell him you'd like it if he took initiative more. That guy sounds ultra-shy and a little clueless about basic romance, but still...when I was a teenager, my first "real" girlfriend told me I needed to initiate things more, so I did! She was the one who asked me out first, kissed me first, and various other things...I was a bit less clueless than your friend, but still, it helped me that she said so. I most certainly wanted her, but I was simply too shy to start anything with her. What have you got to lose? Tell him what you want. Edited May 17, 2013 by tricolors
crederer Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 The good news for girls is that the friend zone rules typically only apply to men who have been friend zoned. If the guy sees you as a friend, you are probably able to change that by simply making a move yourself. Don't wanna generalize too much but I'm sure most males will agree with me on that one.
bac Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 (edited) This might sound stupid or childish but I really need your opinion on this... We've met in college. We are both in our early 20's and we are pretty much inexperienced. We are both shy and we share a lot in common. I was interested in him first but he was quiet and reserved so I did not really bother. But as the semester went by, in class, he was sitting very close to me, staring at me and blushing when I talked to him. So I went for it and asked him out. He was glad that I did. Although our "dates" weren't exactly awesome every minute, he was keep saying that we should hang out more, he was surprised how time flies by when we hang out, etc. We just hugged a few times, nothing else. He was slow and clueless but I was understanding, since I am inexperienced too and I liked him very much for his sincere and careful personality. So I told him I wanted to watch this movie and we met up at the theater. (no dinner, nothing) Towards the end he was not really paying attention to the movie and I was a little annoyed at him. He was not holding my hand or trying anything. I didn't really wanna initiate anything because I've been pretty much initiating everything for him. After the movie, he walked with me to the parking lot and asked me if I wanna hang out next week. I was already so fed up and said "I'm not sure" and left. So the bottom line is: He still "wants" to see me but he won't make a substantial (physical) move? What does it mean? Are we in the friend zone or is he gay? Should I just let him go or give him one more chance? I am so frustrated. Please help! There are plenty of options but your last move was wrong. Men are very simple and they are capable of understanding only direct and simple information. If a girl says "I am not sure", a guy reads it as "No". He is not capable to fugure out that "I am not sure" means "Yes". The right ways to handle your guy were: 1. You say him "Yes, I would love to see you again. I really enjoyed the date!" Then, you let him take the initiative himself. In other words, you do nothing and he does everything. 2. You say him "Yes, I would love to see you again. I really enjoyed the date!" Then, you continue to be a dominant female and take all the initiative herself. In other words, he lets you do with him whatever you want. That is great if you know what you want from him. If you want to make out/have sex/have dinner, you can do all the things with him. For example, if you want to make out, you should smile all the time, touch his skin (neck, arms, chest or other), kiss him in his lips and then, put your hand down there on his pants to feel it. Do not worry, he will let you do with him whatever you want if you are nice and keep smiling at him. Edited May 17, 2013 by bac
Author avocado Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 There are plenty of options but your last move was wrong. Men are very simple and they are capable of understanding only direct and simple information. If a girl says "I am not sure", a guy reads it as "No". He is not capable to fugure out that "I am not sure" means "Yes". The right ways to handle your guy were: 1. You say him "Yes, I would love to see you again. I really enjoyed the date!" Then, you let him take the initiative himself. In other words, you do nothing and he does everything. 2. You say him "Yes, I would love to see you again. I really enjoyed the date!" Then, you continue to be a dominant female and take all the initiative herself. In other words, he lets you do with him whatever you want. That is great if you know what you want from him. If you want to make out/have sex/have dinner, you can do all the things with him. For example, if you want to make out, you should smile all the time, touch his skin (neck, arms, chest or other), kiss him in his lips and then, put your hand down there on his pants to feel it. Do not worry, he will let you do with him whatever you want if you are nice and keep smiling at him. Well, I said "I'm not sure" because I really didn't enjoy the date. So I don't think my last move was particularly "wrong" like you said. I didn't want to lie and wanted him to get the hint that I will lose interest very soon... but I agree to your point that most guys won't figure it out by themselves unless I directly tell them.
bac Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Well, I said "I'm not sure" because I really didn't enjoy the date. So I don't think my last move was particularly "wrong" like you said. I didn't want to lie and wanted him to get the hint that I will lose interest very soon... but I agree to your point that most guys won't figure it out by themselves unless I directly tell them. Men cannot handle the truth about themselves. So, if you want them to get a hint you have to use the white lies to protect men's feelings. In other words, first, you say the white lie '=I have loved the date and I would love to see you again'. Then, you have to vanish into thin air. It makes a man think of what went wrong and he might figure out the problem. This way, he would feel good about himself because he was intelligent enough to figure out things on his own. But, If you told him the same things directly he would feel that he is defective and not good enough for you. It is a deal breaker for a man.
todreaminblue Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 There are plenty of options but your last move was wrong. Men are very simple and they are capable of understanding only direct and simple information. If a girl says "I am not sure", a guy reads it as "No". He is not capable to fugure out that "I am not sure" means "Yes". The right ways to handle your guy were: 1. You say him "Yes, I would love to see you again. I really enjoyed the date!" Then, you let him take the initiative himself. In other words, you do nothing and he does everything. 2. You say him "Yes, I would love to see you again. I really enjoyed the date!" Then, you continue to be a dominant female and take all the initiative herself. In other words, he lets you do with him whatever you want. That is great if you know what you want from him. If you want to make out/have sex/have dinner, you can do all the things with him. For example, if you want to make out, you should smile all the time, touch his skin (neck, arms, chest or other), kiss him in his lips and then, put your hand down there on his pants to feel it. Do not worry, he will let you do with him whatever you want if you are nice and keep smiling at him. You are kidding about putting the hand down there on the penis of a shy passive guy while smiling constantly thing arent you... any guy would feel off put by this not jsut shy....any guy would ...its dominating behaviour....unless they are paying for a lap dance and strip show...its more normal then...if you can even call it normal......i really hope you are joking....because it is literally a hooker move......very degrading for both....thats just wrong....the smiling constantly thing.....while feeling a guy up....a bit perverted......i really hope you were being sarcastic or joking...........deb
bac Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 You are kidding about putting the hand down there on the penis of a shy passive guy while smiling constantly thing arent you... any guy would feel off put by this not jsut shy....any guy would ...its dominating behaviour....unless they are paying for a lap dance and strip show...its more normal then...if you can even call it normal......i really hope you are joking....because it is literally a hooker move......very degrading for both....thats just wrong....the smiling constantly thing.....while feeling a guy up....a bit perverted......i really hope you were being sarcastic or joking...........deb I was sarcastic when I meant that OP was capable of doing it to the shy guy. But, it is OK to do to a FWBs. A FWBs/a casual date wants the hand down there on his p....s. The shy passive guys are often much more responsive to dirty sexual stuff than the confident men are.
Author avocado Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 I was sarcastic when I meant that OP was capable of doing it to the shy guy. But, it is OK to do to a FWBs. A FWBs/a casual date wants the hand down there on his p....s. The shy passive guys are often much more responsive to dirty sexual stuff than the confident men are. I am not aiming for FWB. I don't want dirty sexual stuff without any romance. I just want him to take some initiatives mentally, verbally and physically because when I see him, he just sends me those deathly shy signals (staring, smiling and blushing) and doesn't do anything else. The excitement is dying slowly... It is very frustrating as I am tired of taking charge and although I think the only solution is to talk to him about it, I don't know if that will change anything since he is SO passive. I don't wanna hurt him and I don't wanna get hurt. I am just really really confused with everything.
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