How to break up?

[Alpha Beta]

For a few different reasons I have decided that I have to break off my 3 year and 4 month long relationship.

 

About a year ago I found out that my girlfriend had cheated on me. I found out about her month long fling 4 months after she ended it. Because it was over and she claimed to have realised her mistake I thought that we shouldnt throw away the good parts of our relationship.

 

Since then it has been fun. Rebuilding trust has been difficult... but I think if you decide to try again after something like that, you cant hold the cheater's past mistakes against them. That would just be stupid.

 

But trust takes time to rebuild.... and my intuition, as I mentioned in another post, recently has led me to believe that something may once again be wrong.

 

When she left her email logged in the other day I had a quick glance through, much against my better will, but the 'need to prove I can trust her' part of me won out.

 

Sadly, I found that she was not to be trusted. Although nothing had happened between them, she and a friend of one of my relatives were sending highly inappropriate emails to each other... the suggested they were in love but couldnt do anything as he is married.

 

Rather puzzlingly she had told him her 'life story' of what she had been up to for the past three years... holidays away... parties... concerts... things like that... all the things we had done together... but I was always ommitted from her stories and replaced by a female friend.

 

Its almost like she is living in a world of make believe. The most saddening part of it all is that she said she had been single for months now... and was enjoying single life.

 

Obviously, the relationship needs to be through now. Whether she has done something or not... and no matter is she is just 'escaping' with these emails... there can't be any trust there. None is deserved.

 

I wonder if you could help me though. I did try to break it off between her once. I failed miserably. Despite all these things we still seem to share a lot of love... and of course a lot of friends, possessions and memories.

 

I also would like some suggestions of how I might bring up what I know without admitting ti reading emails. I shouldnt have done that... some people might say 'why should you care after what she has done?!' But yeah... its important to me to at least save a little pride there. I shouldnt have snooped... but on this occasion... well.. the things I found proved that it was necessary.

 

Thanks for listening... anybody with any advice.... I would love to hear back from you.

 

I hope that not too many people are dealing with similar problems today.

 

All the best,

 

AB

[Barby]

First off I must say I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't really have any advice for I am myself am dealing with a break-up. I've been with (well now my ex) for almost 2 years and though no cheating has taken place I've decided to end our relationship. His jealousy and constant irrational thinking I'm cheating or "doing something wrong" has lead me to this decesion.

 

I'm sorry that your GF has such little respect for you. It's not hard to believe that she would cheat on you again since she did do it the first time, but none the less you don't deserve that.

 

You must know that she is cold-hearted and pretty lacking in morals if she's both cheating on you AND trying to mess with a married man!

 

My only advice is break it off as quick as you can. Tell her things just don't feel right and that you feel she's "not all the way" in the relationship (or something) She's been claiming to be single so why not fulfill her wish??

[johan]

That's so low of her. It's almost pathological. She has absolutely no respect for your relationship. I'm sorry for you.

 

DON'T break up with her, though. Keep her off the market as long as you can. Think of the next poor guy.

 

Good luck with the breakup. You'll do it right this time I'm sure.

 

Seems like there are lots of long-term committed relationships breaking apart lately.

[aFighter]

I'd just be honest and come straight out with it.