caseinpoint Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Women, how do you feel when you're being asked to come up with a venue for a date because he can't think of any? When the man initiated the date. Do you take it as him giving you a chance to pick somewhere you like? Or that he's not pulling his weight? Would you go through with the date?
pyramid Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Need more info. Is this a first/second/third date or further along? What's the timeline - how much lead time? I prefer that the guy plan the dates, but I have had guys ask me to make the plans (at the time he's asking me, and 4th or later date) and I'm ok with it.
Author caseinpoint Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 Need more info. Is this a first/second/third date or further along? What's the timeline - how much lead time? I prefer that the guy plan the dates, but I have had guys ask me to make the plans (at the time he's asking me, and 4th or later date) and I'm ok with it. First date from OLD. Timeline is open. I guess it depends on when I come up with the venue. I prefer guys plan the dates actually. That's why I struggle with whether to go through with this.
curlygirl40 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 This is something that wouldn't bother me but I know it would bother a lot of women. Maybe he's just wanting to make sure that you are going someplace that you will like and not realizing to some women it feels like they are not putting in an effort 2
crederer Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I do this sometimes. He probably doesn't want to take you to a place that you wont be into and he's probably pretty open minded about stuff and will have a good time anywhere. I've had girlfriends that say what you're saying. They like the guy to take the lead. Then you take the lead and they complain about the choice. Very frustrating especially when I don't really care where I go as long as it's with the person. Just pick a place and if it goes well tell him next time it's his turn to pick a place. 1
CryForNoOne Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 First date from OLD. Timeline is open. I guess it depends on when I come up with the venue. I prefer guys plan the dates actually. That's why I struggle with whether to go through with this. Sounds kinda lame to me BUT it depends on the circumstances. Did you list the types of activities, foods, venues you like on your profile or discuss it? If you didn't, it's totally understandable. If you did, then get used to planning EVERYTHING if you actually get in a relationship with him...
KungFuJoe Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 You're searching for men on OLD and you're worried about him wanting you to choose the venue? That's like going to McDonalds and asking if they have a corkage fee. 2
FitChick Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I don't mind since that way I get to do what I want. If we dated for a while and he was always totally passive, that would be a different story. This guy probably doesn't want to make a mistake and wants you to be happy. 2
Star Gazer Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 It really bothers me when local guys do this; thankfully, it's rare. Most of the time, they ask me what I'm in the mood for, and then they they pick from there. The only time I feel like it's okay, is if they're a little farther away and unfamiliar with the area. Then, I'm okay with picking a place. But again, that's rare. 2
CryForNoOne Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Most of the time, they ask me what I'm in the mood for, and then they they pick from there. That's the way to do it! 1
phineas Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 I just pick a place I like for drinks so if they flake last min. I don't mind being there alone.
sillyanswer Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 The times I've asked a girl to pick a venue for a first date have usually been because I suggested some venue that they rejected due to them not knowing where it was, not knowing the venue, or not knowing the area. (Apparently these girls can't look up a map on their phone!) So I then offer them the chance to choose a place that doesn't ruffle their pretty feathers or put them out of their comfort zone. These dates tend not to work.
Author caseinpoint Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 This is something that wouldn't bother me but I know it would bother a lot of women. Maybe he's just wanting to make sure that you are going someplace that you will like and not realizing to some women it feels like they are not putting in an effort I do this sometimes. He probably doesn't want to take you to a place that you wont be into and he's probably pretty open minded about stuff and will have a good time anywhere. I've had girlfriends that say what you're saying. They like the guy to take the lead. Then you take the lead and they complain about the choice. Very frustrating especially when I don't really care where I go as long as it's with the person. Just pick a place and if it goes well tell him next time it's his turn to pick a place. However he said it was because he didn't know any place. That sounds quite lame. Nobody can not know any place. Or at least ask me what I would like or say I know an Italian place, do you like Italian? If you don't, feel free to come up with something. I know I'm going to get flak for this, that I'm being too picky about men.
Author caseinpoint Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 Sounds kinda lame to me BUT it depends on the circumstances. Did you list the types of activities, foods, venues you like on your profile or discuss it? If you didn't, it's totally understandable. If you did, then get used to planning EVERYTHING if you actually get in a relationship with him... Didn't list foods or venues that I like on my profile. I'm already not attracted to him.
Author caseinpoint Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 The times I've asked a girl to pick a venue for a first date have usually been because I suggested some venue that they rejected due to them not knowing where it was, not knowing the venue, or not knowing the area. (Apparently these girls can't look up a map on their phone!) So I then offer them the chance to choose a place that doesn't ruffle their pretty feathers or put them out of their comfort zone. These dates tend not to work. At least you suggested some venue that were rejected. If he selected the venues and I didn't like them, the onus is on me to pick the next venue for him to agree or disagree. It's supposed to be "team work."
sillyanswer Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 At least you suggested some venue that were rejected. If he selected the venues and I didn't like them, the onus is on me to pick the next venue for him to agree or disagree. It's supposed to be "team work." Yes I see what you mean. Makes sense. My date today had a different way of changing the venue... I proposed the venue initially and she agreed. Then when I was nearly arriving at the venue she sent a message to say that she was in some other venue (very nearby) instead. So I met her at the new place.
todreaminblue Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Women, how do you feel when you're being asked to come up with a venue for a date because he can't think of any? When the man initiated the date. Do you take it as him giving you a chance to pick somewhere you like? Or that he's not pulling his weight? Would you go through with the date? I would go through with it.......but would be interested to flesh out whether it was apathy or nerves about setting up the date and the place, and if a second date again went the same way,a guy wanting to have no input is a bit hard to work with continually....nerves are fine....apathy is not fine...deb
Author caseinpoint Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 Yes I see what you mean. Makes sense. My date today had a different way of changing the venue... I proposed the venue initially and she agreed. Then when I was nearly arriving at the venue she sent a message to say that she was in some other venue (very nearby) instead. So I met her at the new place. You took it well? That she messaged at a last minute her decision to change the venue? I hope the date went well. I would go through with it.......but would be interested to flesh out whether it was apathy or nerves about setting up the date and the place, and if a second date again went the same way,a guy wanting to have no input is a bit hard to work with continually....nerves are fine....apathy is not fine...deb I'm not sure I would even consider it apathy. It felt like laziness to me. I could be wrong. I wouldn't have a problem with it at all if the guy was unfamiliar with my area. Though I have had guys not familiar with my area be proactive and look up places/activities, and that definitely garnered bonus points. If he was local, I would assume he was being lazy and would therefore be less attracted. We live in the same area. He suggested the date and the cuisine. Why suggest all that and then say you don't know any place for that?
Emilia Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Women, how do you feel when you're being asked to come up with a venue for a date because he can't think of any? When the man initiated the date. Do you take it as him giving you a chance to pick somewhere you like? Or that he's not pulling his weight? Would you go through with the date? Yes I'd pick a venue and go through with the date. 4
GravityMan Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Very lame and weak on this guy's part. He asked you out...therefore he should plan the date. He should have already had a good idea of what/where the date should be before he asked you out. Even though you didn't list any foods/etc. you like on your profile, that doesn't excuse his behavior. Part of the early "getting to know you" phase during emails/IM/phone convos should have been him paying attention and asking the right questions to get a sense of what things you like to eat and do. This guy seems either very young and/or inexperienced. If this guy's new to town...he still should have been proactive in learning about the city and its activity, eating, and drinking venues...what's hot, which ones to avoid, what are the good "under the radar" places. That's one of the first things many people do when they move to a new location. If this guy's a local, then he's either lazy or sounds like a shy recluse who rarely leaves the house. Edit: just saw that he's local. This guy had better get some balls and learn to take the lead, or he will likely do poorly with dating. 1
Author caseinpoint Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 Very lame and weak on this guy's part. He asked you out...therefore he should plan the date. He should have already had a good idea of what/where the date should be before he asked you out. Even though you didn't list any foods/etc. you like on your profile, that doesn't excuse his behavior. Part of the early "getting to know you" phase during emails/IM/phone convos should have been him paying attention and asking the right questions to get a sense of what things you like to eat and do. This guy seems either very young and/or inexperienced. He's actually quite a lot older than me. If this guy's new to town...he still should have been proactive in learning about the city and its activity, eating, and drinking venues...what's hot, which ones to avoid, what are the good "under the radar" places. That's one of the first things many people do when they move to a new location. If this guy's a local, then he's either lazy or sounds like a shy recluse who rarely leaves the house. Edit: just saw that he's local. This guy had better get some balls and learn to take the lead, or he will likely do poorly with dating. He's a divorcee. Not sure if that has anything to do with it.
veggirl Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 That seems like a very small thing to get needlessly bothered by or turned off by. I wouldn't think twice if he asked me where we should go or what we should do. I mean really who cares? like...that's just a crazy thing to be bothered by to me. 1
Els Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I really, really don't understand why people make threads to ask a question that they have already made their mind up about. If you're already not attracted to him, why ask?
sillyanswer Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I really, really don't understand why people make threads to ask a question that they have already made their mind up about. If you're already not attracted to him, why ask? Validation? 1
Author caseinpoint Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 I really, really don't understand why people make threads to ask a question that they have already made their mind up about. If you're already not attracted to him, why ask? I'm really on the fence. I believe in giving almost everything a try but I'm struggling with this one.
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