Midnight Magic Posted September 28, 2004 Posted September 28, 2004 What can I say!! The boyfriend has diabetes and recently had a mild heart attack, and lets just say that Mr Happy is not working. And I am coping with the fact that I have not been laid for over 4 months, am I being selfish. People have needs one of these being sex. I am so horny that I am going to explode if I dont get me some. Masterbating and the pornos are not working. Trust me I have been there. ANd to top it off there is a gorgeous man in my office, and he better lock his door, because HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM. Please dont get me wrong, I understand the health problems, but I am who I am. I have needs too, and a very high sex drive. I cant help it. I have been trying, and some days are better than others, but I am really needing some advice here. Anyone having the same problems, please advise me. Please hold back on the negative comments here this is a really serious problem for me.
Nosmas Posted September 28, 2004 Posted September 28, 2004 Whoa, watch out, you may become the office s-l-u-............ Which might be a good thing. I suggest you be more discrete, or, better yet find another BF.
faux Posted September 28, 2004 Posted September 28, 2004 If this is such a problem, you should really tell your boyfriend about it if you already have not. No doubt he is just as frustrated as you are over this. If the two of you go to see a doctor, maybe you will find options which can solve this issue.
SoleMate Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 Are your bf's medical problems being adequately addressed? Is he acting as if he understands the seriousness of this problem? Have you explained how serious it is to you? Is he doing everything he can to be abel to satisfy you, and are you being fully supportive? The desire for sex is very natural. However, expressing it can have consequences. If you must find something outside, PLEASE don't do it at work, because then you run the risk of losing your bf AND your job.
WantanS4 Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 To bad you live in Canada...I'd give you some. And that's a serious comment.
Author Midnight Magic Posted September 29, 2004 Author Posted September 29, 2004 Thanks to the posters who are taking my problem serious. I really am. And no, I would never cheat on him, or jeopardize my job or his relationship. I was just stressing how very frustrated and stressed out that I was yesterday. I love my boyfriend very much, and I know that his health is the problem,one that he can't control, no one can, not even his doctor. His doctor told us that there are things that he could take to increase his desire but in the long run it would harm his health even further. I don't want that. Sometimes, I feel as tho I am being selfish, but really I don't think that I am. Sex is a need that everyone has just like food and water. The doctor even told me that, so its not in my head. I am planning on going to his doctor to get me something to decrease my urges. Other than that, I don't know what else to do. But I am hanging in there for now.
Mr Spock Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 So what exactly is preventing your boyfriend from using a vibrator and going down on you? You need to lay this on the line. If Mr Happy isn't working, Mr Hands and Mr Mouth need to work extra hard.
Girlie Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 I'm in agreement with Mr. Spock on this one. Just because you can't have intercourse, doesn't mean you can't have any fun. There have been times where I have just NOT felt like having sex, but I'm more than happy to use my mouth and my hands to make sure my bf is still happy in the interim.
HokeyReligions Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 I understand your frustration totally. It's been +14 years for my husband and I. As for health problems - especially the heart, even giving (or receiving) oral or manual stimulation can cause changes in the body and the body will release chemicals that could be harmful to the person's health. What I did was to cry; seek counseling; cry; and eventually over the years I adjusted to it and now I don't have any desire. Talk to your bf's doctor about this. What drugs / therapies can your bf do to help? How long does the doctor anticipate this will last? Men with diabetes have erections and can have sex, it's the heart that I worry about most. My husband has diabetes and a heart condition and with proper diet and exercise and the right mix of drugs he can get an erection. He just won't do anything about it. Fortunately (I guess) for me, sex was not a deal-breaker. You are not married and there is nothing wrong with sex being a deal breaker for you. It's not selfish to let him go so he can find a woman for whom sex is not a deal breaker. He may grieve over losing you, but also prefer to not hold you back or risk resentment coming between you two. His own emotional state may suffer more if you stay with him and are frustrated, then if you leave.
Mr Spock Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 Or, instead of MEDICATING yourself into a state of oblivion, or just choosing to let your desire curl up and die, buy a VIBRATOR and make him drive it. I've never heard of a diabetic dying from that. Or even kissing. Chances are, he's so ashamed of his inability to perform he's too embarrassed or even depressed to initiate something with you. Either way you need to talk to him about it soon. It's not healthy to repress yourself like that. Hokey has some good advice.
Author Midnight Magic Posted September 29, 2004 Author Posted September 29, 2004 Thanks for the great advice. And yes, he is very much ashamed of his not performing in that sense. But he tries, and for that I do give him credit. He is into cuddling and he treats me good. I just may have to settle for that.
FolderWife Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 buy you one of those "real mccoy" vibrators, and have your diabetic use it on you. It feels just like a real dick.
FolderWife Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 Originally posted by Mr Spock Or, instead of MEDICATING yourself into a state of oblivion, or just choosing to let your desire curl up and die, buy a VIBRATOR and make him drive it. I've never heard of a diabetic dying from that. Or even kissing. Chances are, he's so ashamed of his inability to perform he's too embarrassed or even depressed to initiate something with you. Either way you need to talk to him about it soon. It's not healthy to repress yourself like that. Hokey has some good advice. Looks like spock beat me to the advice
HokeyReligions Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 Chances are, he's so ashamed of his inability to perform he's too embarrassed or even depressed to initiate something with you. Spot on. Embarassment and depression (performance anxiety) are major contributors to impotence.
tiki Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 What does having a heart attack have to do with his penis? Is the diabetes causing neuropathy? How long ago was his heart attack? I agree, Mr. Hand needs to be workin some serious O/T.
Author Midnight Magic Posted September 29, 2004 Author Posted September 29, 2004 tikibrandy His heart attack was in May, he is not able to go back to work until May 2005. This in itself is stressful, as his income loss benefits are paid at 50% only. With his diabetes, it affects the blood flow, hence no Mr. Woody. He is also impotent, so we won't be having kids, not sure that I wanted any. It is just that he is so tired, we have no social life anymore, as he usually stays in bed most of the day just resting. I make him get outside and get fresh air, and I make him go for a long walk with the dog several times per day. Basically it is just the fatigue, no energy, weak. He was like this before the heart attack, but things have gotten worse. I am looking forward to trying out some of the posters techniques. This may give things a lift. Thanks
Crux- Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 I would be asking myself some serious questions. I think the first would be NOT SURE YOU WANT KIDS? With his man you may never have then so on the deciding scale you better be dam sure.. The other question I would ask myself is this the type of stress going to change or is he always going to be tired and not willing to do anything for the rest of his life?....Are you happy with your life and what ever the future my bring with him? It is sad to say but sometimes you need to look out for yourself and realize what you want out of life... If your life is going in the direction you want then all the power to you but if it is going to be in a perment tale spin bail or prep for the ride...
Author Midnight Magic Posted October 4, 2004 Author Posted October 4, 2004 In answer to your question. There are times when I want kids, and there are times when I don't want kids, so pretty much I have decided not to have any. I don't think that kids should get caught up in the middle. I think mainly I was feeling pressure from everyone on how everyone wants kids. I think if you want kids, then have them, if you are undecided like I am, then don't. As for happy, no I am not really happy in my relationship. Due to hubby's health problems and the lack or no sex or affection in the relationship, this is the major downfall. But I guess I have to sacrifice in this relationship. My last boyfriend was very affectionate, mind you, he was very abusive. Is there ever a happy medium???
Crux- Posted October 5, 2004 Posted October 5, 2004 I really hope there is a happy medium or what is the point? I could not imagine a relationship without give and take. You deserve to be happy and so does the person you are with and they should want you to be happy too. This is a difficult question.. In my situation I wish my ex happiness and if she could not find it with me then hopefully she’ll find it with someone else. I am not happy how things worked out and do not want her in my life but, I do want her to be happy even if I am not happy with her. FUBAR If his condition is going to stay and you’re not happy and he’s not doing anything to make you happy; maybe you should leave and find a relationship that you’re going to be happy with. It sounds like a serious condition that he is going to battle with for the rest of his life and if you’re unsure or unsatisfied with the relationship are you doing either of you justice in staying together? Is he emotionally there for you? Is it just the physical contact you miss?
Author Midnight Magic Posted October 5, 2004 Author Posted October 5, 2004 Yes emotionally he is there 110% for me. He is my best friend, we can talk about everything, and anything. I have discussed the problems that I am feeling with him, but to no avail. Physically, he is just too tired. He even tried to go back to work part time, only a few hours per day, and this was not to be. So he is back at home, pretty much for bedrest. And yes, I miss the physical things that there is in a relationship. Sure we hug and kiss, but still there is something missing in our relationship. Or am I the one with the problem. Maybe I am being too selfish, should I just not pressure him to be someone and something that I know that he is not. He made it very clear from the start that he is just not affectionate, yet, before his heart attack our sex life was so much better. I miss that. And I admit I have been patient, very patient. I guess this is it, and I have to live with it. I am not the type of person to leave when things are going rough. He needs me to take care of him. His family and doctor has told him and myself that if it were not for me, he would have died long ago. I could never live with myself if I left him in the hopes of finding the true relationship that I so desire, and then found out that he had died. I know I am thinking stupid, but that is the kind of person that I am. I really do love him, and he is my best friend, we have been together for 7 years. I can't imagine my life without him, but what do I do to make him want me more than he does.
Author Midnight Magic Posted October 6, 2004 Author Posted October 6, 2004 Well yesterday I went to the local love shop and purchased some items that the boyfriend could use on me, some nice oils, and yes a very nice big vibrator. And I was all excited while making the purchase, and off I went home. I even stopped at the local lingerie shop and picked up a nice nightie. Went home and made hubby his favorite supper. And of course nothing for dessert. I was the dessert. Gave him some time to rest after supper, and when he was laying in bed snoozing, I put on my nightie, and his favorite perfume and grabbed my toys and went and lay beside him. I started cuddling him and massging him and he said he liked it. Then I started kissing him all over, and being all touchy and feely with him. When I attempted to go near Mr. Happy, he woke up and looked at me and the toys and said "you have got to be kidding" and slugged me off and went back to bed. Yup, this relationship is dead. I just have to accept it. When he woke up one hour later, he said he was sorry but he loves me in every sense of the word, he just can't get a woody anymore. I just told him that he does not even try, and I slugged him off and went to bed. Two people can play his game.
Author Midnight Magic Posted October 6, 2004 Author Posted October 6, 2004 He is 42 and I am 36 and dead but still breathing (barely) I really don't know how long I can go on feeling like I am right now. But life still goes on.
Author Midnight Magic Posted October 6, 2004 Author Posted October 6, 2004 He does not think anything, only that they are due to his medical condition, which the doctor has confirmed. Pretty much, he lets it go, because he feels that there is nothing that he can do. Personally, there is lots that he can do for me, he just chooses not to. I am the one that has to make the decision of what I am going to. And that is going to be the hardest thing for me to do. Stay in this relationship and not be happy in the sex department, and leave things as they are, because he is really a great man, other than the obvious. Or do I leave and find someone who will be what I want, but possibly an alcoholic or a drug addict, trust me, I have been there, and really don't want to go there ever again.
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