biggysmilez Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 my ex- contacted me telling me that i was a great person and he cared about me and that he did not want hard feelings. and i lost it. i told him that he did not get to pretend like he cared about me when he just blindsided me with a breakup. i just don't believe that you actually do care about that person if you do something like this. we live in a throw-away society and that includes relationships. i actually told him all the things that i think he did wrong (but admitted my faults, too) and ended it by saying that i was in deep pain and i just didn't want to hear his professed care for my well-being. was it the high-road? no. do i regret it? no. i don't want him back. i think he used me. it felt good to get it out. but do i recommend doing this? no. the high road is better. i'm sure that the email only justified his decision further. and for those of you who want your ex- to look back on you fondly, writing an angry e-mail won't accomplish it. but i just don't care anymore what he thinks now or ever.
Author biggysmilez Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 thanks! i feel like an butthole but i don't really mind it right now.
aisuru Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 You feel empowered right now... I hope you feel the same tomorrow and next week. I understand that urge though I never act on it.
Author biggysmilez Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 i honestly think i just wanted to kill the irrational part of my thinking that still believes he wants me back. i want it dead. i think i just killed it.
aisuru Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Well that's certainly step one to killing it. And whoo boy do I get that. I do, I do, I do. Do it once a week for a couple months, and you will be a success! Breakups are hard, painful, and necessary part of growing up. Doesn't mean we have to like them or always respond to them rationally. It is what it is and as long as you're okay with the outcomes to your actions, have at it!
Author biggysmilez Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 it is funny to think of me sending angry emails twice a week! i think this one time should do it .
Ordinaryday Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Don't be hard on yourself, it can sometimes be nice to let them know how you really feel and that you are not up for any of this 'just friends' crap. I actually have written two long angry letters to girls who were cruel to me, which I have saved on my computer. in these letters I really let them have it, let them know where they went wrong, why I won't be just friends with them and so on. I have sent neither letter to either of the girls, and I doubt I ever will. I wrote them for myself so I could truly understand my feelings and let it all out, it felt great. However, on the off chance either of those girls ever contact me again (doubt it, they both dumped me over a year ago and not a word since, however I have had heard of girls coming back after five years so you never know) i am considering sending it to them. I may in a way be 'over' them in that I am not pining over them anymore but I am a long way from forgiving them for what they did, and if they ever send me a text or email with a breadcrumb I am considering either sending the letter to them or flat out ignoring it. knowing that I have that option feels good. 1
Amelie1980 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I wrote a vicious email to him right after. I never sent it. Very glad I didn't. No need ti behave as badly as he did.
Ordinaryday Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I wrote a vicious email to him right after. I never sent it. Very glad I didn't. No need ti behave as badly as he did. I never bought into that. if they treat you horribly you are supposed to smile and take it so you don't 'stoop to their level' or some crap! Not me! I could never treat my exes as badly as some of them treated me (it would not be possible) but this whole idea about how I am meant to take it with a smile when they treat me like crap so as "not to stoop to their level" is ridiculous! I have written out nasty letters to the exes that I have not sent, but the reason I have not sent them is not because I am worried about being the "bigger person" or anything, it is more practical. it is because if I sent the letters to them no matter what I said in them it would be letting them know that I still think about them, that they still get to me and that they really hurt me. I don't want to give them that satisfaction.
siankat Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 i guess we send these things because we want them to understand something deeply but im not sure what we think, and and how it is received, is always going to mirror 100%. THere may be such a thing as best case scenario but there is no right or wrong here, you did what you felt you had to at the time and the hope now is, that hasn't whetted your appetite for more blood as i know on some level you may want him to hurt as you did. You will never know how he feels and the things your write, so that exercise for that reason is pointless. None of us handle things with exemption and that includes your ex. The one way to stop all of this mattering and really do the right thing is, cliched as it sounds, to value ourselves and love ourselves more than we love and value them.
CelticGibson Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 The problem with sending an email like this is that there's always the hope, no matter how small, that they respond to it. The power you feel after sending depends on their reaction and when there is none it hurts a hell of a lot more. Like shouting at someone and they do not listen. Imagine the frustration. The REAL power is NOT responding to anything they send because silence is the loudest message you can ever send...
KPChick000 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I understand how you feel. I am awake early this morning and can't really fall back asleep- bad time for thoughts to run wild in my head. And this time, angry thoughts. Right after the breakup, I sent him an email expressing my feelings, how I wanted to try to make it work, blah blah blah, but now I just want to send another one retracting everything I said. I want to hurt him as much as I've been hurting, if only via an email. But, I know I won't press "send". As much as I want to hurt him right now, he doesn't really deserve to know how hurt I'm/have been feeling. At five weeks NC, I can't really afford to go back to square one. Plus, my pride is keeping me from letting myself be hurt by him. Again.
siankat Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 The problem with sending an email like this is that there's always the hope, no matter how small, that they respond to it. The power you feel after sending depends on their reaction and when there is none it hurts a hell of a lot more. Like shouting at someone and they do not listen. Imagine the frustration. The REAL power is NOT responding to anything they send because silence is the loudest message you can ever send... That is true but i played the cool hand with my ex and then he sent a lame ass apology to me so i responded clearly telling him where i stood because he obviously thought what he did wasn't so bad (or that i didn't even know the half of it - which i did) so i put him right about where i stood (nothing to do with details of what he did) as i had ended it with him initially nicely. It was just a few lines but powerful enough. It is true, silence is best but sometimes we can send messages we are very happy that we sent as i was.
Author biggysmilez Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 i definitely do not want a reply. i asked him not to respond. he can be the bigger person and have all the satisfaction that he can derive from knowing that i'm still in pain. that's a bad person. but i feel strongly that what he did to me was wrong and, while bad people never think that they are, i just wanted to say it for my own satisfaction. i stopped pretending to be nice to someone who doesn't deserve it. and i killed any irrational hope for reconciliation. i am not recommending this, btw. it's just my experience.
na49 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Okay cool. I bet he's really hurt by your angry email. By the way, he's not driving around saying "haha biggysmilez is hurt! My life is sooooo much better now! Woo hoo!" He doesn't care. Also there's no such thing as killing reconciliation. If he ever wants you back, your one angry email wouldn't keep him from wanting you.
Treasa Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Most of my exes who dumped me have tried to come back, and I'm pretty sure my reaction has been, "You're ****ing kidding me, right?" said in such a snarky, sarcastic way they they tucked their tails between their legs and beat it. Dumbasses. 1
Author biggysmilez Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 i don't care what he thinks. i did it for me and me alone.
Quiet Storm Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 i just don't believe that you actually do care about that person if you do something like this. we live in a throw-away society and that includes relationships. It's possible to still care for a person and realize that would not make a good partner for you. It's better that he realizes this now & throws it away, rather than later, after marriage or kids. If you don't care what he thinks, then try not to email him anymore. Just email yourself to get the feelings out, or post your letter on loveshack. Anger is good. It's easier to get over a relationship when you feel anger, than it is with sadness.
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