Stressing Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 My brother's new girlfriend shares custody of her dog with her Ex which sounds kind of a strange arrangement to me. She picks up the dog from her ex boyfriends house every other weekend. My brother is not comfortable with this arrangement and told her do. She responded, "What if I told you you couldn't see your daughter?" WTH?! This upset him. Her Ex is very well off while she has been unemployed for the last 5 mos but somehow manages to live in a nice apt and get her nails done, extensions, etc. Any advice I can pass along to him?
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 My brother's new girlfriend shares custody of her dog with her Ex which sounds kind of a strange arrangement to me. She picks up the dog from her ex boyfriends house every other weekend. My brother is not comfortable with this arrangement and told her do. She responded, "What if I told you you couldn't see your daughter?" WTH?! This upset him. Her Ex is very well off while she has been unemployed for the last 5 mos but somehow manages to live in a nice apt and get her nails done, extensions, etc. Any advice I can pass along to him? Unfortunately, with the laws in this country, she could deny him from seeing his daughter and nothing will be done. Advice: go back in time, don't get married, and don't have kids.
CC12 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Any advice I can pass along to him? You can advise him not to ask new girlfriends to give up things that are important to them? If he's seriously asking her to give up a pet that was around long before him, he's being kind of unreasonable. 3
mammasita Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 It may seem unreasonable, but many people view their pets as children. Does she take your brother with her when she goes to pick up the dog? Yes? Then no issue. If not, then there might be something else going on. 1
therhythm Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Does she contribute to the caring of the dog? Food, vet costs, etc? If it is your brother's dog let the ex girlfriend get her self another dog... It would be funny that you would have to keep seeing your ex just because she wants to expend time with your dog:rolleyes: I love animals but I think that everything has its limits and dogs are NOT kids! 1
sillyanswer Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Any advice I can pass along to him? Make sure that he knows that he's playing second fiddle to a dog. It's up to him if he's okay with that.
amaysngrace Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 My dog is my baby and I have children. He is their brother. 3
Emilia Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 She responded, "What if I told you you couldn't see your daughter?" WTH?! This upset him. Her Ex is very well off while she has been unemployed for the last 5 mos but somehow manages to live in a nice apt and get her nails done, extensions, etc. Any advice I can pass along to him? Get a new girlfriend 1
melodymatters Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 The OP clearly does not like the new GF. For all we know the GF is a savvy saver or investor, being unemployed is pretty common right now and as long as she's not asking anyone for money it's no one's business. Are you implying the "well off ex" might be helping her out ? Also there appears to be some confusion above: it seems the OPS brother is dating New GF, and NEW GF shares canine custody with her EX BF. I think that's fine, like someone mentioned, as long as new BF is invited to come along to pick up or drop off once in awhile to feel out the situation. New GF obviously has to deal with baby mama which is never fun, so I can't see it being fair at all to ask her to give up her every other weekends with the dog because new BF is threatened. I'm sure that's all she was saying, not telling him not to see his daughter. And, dogs rock ! 2
Estate Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 My brother's new girlfriend shares custody of her dog with her Ex which sounds kind of a strange arrangement to me. She picks up the dog from her ex boyfriends house every other weekend. My brother is not comfortable with this arrangement and told her do. She responded, "What if I told you you couldn't see your daughter?" WTH?! This upset him. Her Ex is very well off while she has been unemployed for the last 5 mos but somehow manages to live in a nice apt and get her nails done, extensions, etc. Any advice I can pass along to him? So I can see both sides. Personally to me, I like pets, I like dogs but when someone treats them like (or even more important than) a real life child... it is absolutely insane to me. If a couple with a dog breaks up then as difficult as it may be to say goodbye, one of them needs to take care of the dog or else make sure it gets a better home as they can no longer take care of it together. Make sure the pet is not neglected but do not get into a freaking custody battle over a PET!!! The opposite side of the coin that that yes... some people do treat dogs like their babies, some people even treat them better than their own babies or other humans... So this is the crux of it... you will NOT win with this person. She will place a dog with higher importance than she will YOU a REAL life HUMAN being who is trying to have a relationship with her. You cannot change these people's minds though, she sees that dog as her baby and the most important thing to her. It's insane that you'd maintain such contact with an ex over a dog to me but the some people, if they are this way, they just won't see it any other way. If you want to bring it up with her, then be extremely sensitive. Explain that the links to her ex are causing a strain to you on the relationship, she's still sharing a part of their life together with him. I don't think you'll get far making the arguement that it's not like it's a real child, she'll probably freak at that. Maybe suggest if there is any sort of compromise that either she or her ex takes the dog or it goes to a neutral home so they can cut ties. Don't come at it from a jealousy angle and be sympathetic to her while stating your case that you need certain things too to be happy moving forward in the relationship. If she's reasonable, I'm hoping she'll see the problem. My gut feeling with 99% of these people those is that she'll fly off the handle and her dog will be more important to her than her current boyfriend until she loses him... I hope that's not the case for you.
colombiana28 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 dogs are MUCH better than human children. I know most disagree but it doesn't change the fact that some people prefer animals. my ex basically lives with me so there's always someone home with our dog. I call her ours because he's the one who picked her out at the shelter 2 years ago when I was preoccupied with other dogs. our golden lab pup turned out to be the sweetest, most wonderful creature I could possibly imagine. we both love her with all our hearts. combine that with us being very good friends, and him alleviating some of my financial burdens, and to me it's an ideal situation.
crederer Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 As much as it sucks, one of them should give the other the dog. It's not really fair to the dog either, it confuses them.
Art_Critic Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 With me, leave me leave my dog... If I broke up with a girl I didn't expect to see her dog either and wouldn't have allowed an ex to visit with my dog... It sounds like the dog was both of theirs and they didn't go through the extra step and pick a provider for the pet. Advice for your Brother.. if he feels she has residual feelings for her ex then he is on the right track.. if she is over him then it's no biggie but will be a hassle.. can you imagine in 5 years if you got married and had a baby and every weekend she had to go pick up the dog over her ex's house.. that would be weird.. These are just aprons strings that haven't been cut and hopefully over time they will be.
melodymatters Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I disagree with it's "confusing for the dog". My 12 yr old pup LOVES my dad, it's been an ongoing romance, so about every other week he picks her up and spoils her rotten for the weekend. She loves both him and me, loves both houses, it's a bonus for her. And Art, some people get dogs together and when they don't have children it become a VERY big part of both their lives. My sister and her BF, both in their 40's are like this and if they broke up I'm sure they would share custody. And as for it being annoying or strange, if they marry, new GF will basically be giving up holidays, weekends etc at baby mama's discretion, I've never done anything harder or more awful than "share" a man with his ex which is basically what happens when kids are involved. I REALLY don't think picking up a dog every other weekend can even compare. And again, unless she's doing something illegal, paying her bills and getting her hair done should be none of the sisters concern.( I've ALSO dealt with crazy sisters who act like they are married to their brothers.) When I moved to Fl I still owned a business that I received income from and I've also always been a great saver. It would PISS me off that negative accusations were being implied, simply because I was smart about my business and my money !
Art_Critic Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 And Art, some people get dogs together and when they don't have children it become a VERY big part of both their lives. I'm sure there are people that would share custody of a pet.. I happen to like my life with less drama than drama over a pet and an ex.. When I got divorced.. I got the dog and she got the cat.. fair trade... I wonder how much of it is the pet and how much of it is just the people involved not willing to let go of the other person.. I had a GF take a toolbox of mine once when we broke up so that she could give it back to me a year later..
Ursa Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I read this the same way you do, Melody. Current BF with a child and an ex he deals with regularly because of it, and current GF who shares a dog with an ex she deals with regularly because of that. BF tells current GF he wants her to give up the dog, and she responds by asking him how he would feel if she asked him to give up his child. It's a clumsy parallel, but that's because she was just trying to make him understand on an emotional level he doesnt' seem to be able to reach. Personally, I don't view pets as quite on par with kids, but I do have and love both. My pets are not the same as my kids, but they are quite meaningful to me and I take the obligation I have to their care pretty seriously. I have never faced this particular situation as my pets have always been mine--they're getting old, I had them before I ever met my husband and if for some reason we split up they would remain with me, obviously. If we got a new dog now, and split up, that dog would probably remain with him because the only reason we would get a dog now is that he wants one. It's just easier and more sensible to handle it that way, in many regards. However, I tend to fall into the camp of pragmatism--others are more intent on anthropomorphizing their animals. And even if the GF, when questioned personally, admits that the parallel to his daughter is not exact--the point she was trying to make, as I see it, was that the dog means a lot to her and she believes she means a lot to the dog, and asking her to give it up is unfair in her opinion. It's a valid point, I think. My aunt shared custody of the dog with her ex-h when they divorced. They had no children, had gotten the dog together as a puppy and lived with it for ten years before they split up, they both loved that dog dearly and didn't want it to be lonely for either one of them. They switched off every week for the next three years until it passed away. I have heard of other couples doing this, as well. It's not that strange. As for the financial stuff, that's an entirely different issue. Twining the unrelated issues together like this does make it sound like the OP just doesn't like the new GF and is trying hard to insinuate something shady. I don't feel like there's enough information there to go on, however. She could be a good investor. She could be getting by on unemployment, savings, help from her parents, or all of the above. She could be a total hoochie and the OP could be completely vindicated. ::Shrug:: 1
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