The "Hookup" Culture

[Maleficent]

Sheesh. The belief that having a lot of sexual partners is bad is so archaic and religious.

 

Sex is fun. We should we not have sex? It's not a health hazard (unless you are being unsafe of course).

Also, contraception is so easily available nowadays that it is possible to have sex and avoid the unwanted 'consequences'

[carhill]

The topic is an article recounting the actions and reflections of college students being interviewed/surveyed regarding 'hooking up'. I didn't get the sense that such activities were or are considered 'bad', nor did I 40 some years ago. If they're one's cuppa, they are. If not, not. Pleasures of the flesh, and individual perceptions of them, have been around since Eve tempted Adam, to put a religious and archaic spin to the subject. They are what they are.

[soccerrprp]

I believe the "hook-up" culture is a result of unhealthy responses to social norms, expectations and the inundation of cynicism that now exists in our society. Very few people truly seem to believe in the concept of LOVE nowadays. The objection of having many sexual partners is not archaic nor religiously-based as a whole. We are emotional animals and emotional needs and one of them is the desire for a committed, monogamous relationship, especially with women.

 

Sex is certainly fun. But does that fun also suggest the way the individual is treated, as "fun", to obtain that sex? Hope not. Sex is also a very intimate act for most and that often times interferes with the haphazard notion of fun.

 

I love sex! LOVE IT! But, I also know that there is another human being that is involved and will never get it at her expense or w/o regard to the emotional consequences.

 

Also, I believe that people who have had many past sexual partners are the people least likely to commit to a monogamous relationship. The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior.

 

Just my thoughts.

[fortyninethousand322]

I think part of the desire stems from jealousy of my friends going through high school and college who got to hook up with girls in their late teens and early 20's. I never got to experience it and I may never experience it, especially as I get older and less desirable to the 18 year olds.

 

Not only that, but you'll never again be that 18-22 year old whose life is nothing to worry about but getting good grades and having fun. There's a certain innocence to the whole thing. You're independent but not a fully responsible adult yet. And you probably have naive views of the world. Once you leave that age there's really no going back.

[Leigh 87]

I think there are healthy ways to go about it.

 

For starters, you do not have to have full on sex with men your not in love with.

 

It should not take a young girl much to realise that it is a cold feeling when you spread your legs and let a guy poke his ** in them, when the dude does not really care that much about them.

Some young girls let guys have sex with them, when the guys downright despise the girls that allow them to have sex with them! I find this notion to be sick and extremely damaging - for a women to let a man have her body, when he actually dislikes her as a person.

 

If you have a high sex drive, though; then why not accept a touchy feely make out session? And why not make it with a guy who is at least friendly and likes your personality?

 

I also think it gets bad when people hook up for the wrong reasons; to be accepted, to live in the manner in which they see is fit for them, as a college student.

Personally, I only need to hook up when I am horny and want to experience it for my own sexual pleasure.

 

I am also old enough to realise that it is just a bit of fun and a long term committed relationship is much more fulfilling.

[Emilia]

I don't know what I would do if I didn't have LS in my life

[Revolver]

From my experience, the only people who really have a problem with "hookup culture" are

 

1.Young Men who are angry because they're not participating nor enjoying the benefits of it while there male peers are.

2. Women who Are upset that they can't get relationships because the men they're interested in Are sleeping with women NSA and don't see the benefit of actually Getting tied down.

3. Conservatives/ extreme Religious types

[DannyMason]

1.Young Men who are angry because they're not participating nor enjoying the benefits of it while there male peers are.

 

Guilty.

[fortyninethousand322]

From my experience, the only people who really have a problem with "hookup culture" are

 

1.Young Men who are angry because they're not participating nor enjoying the

 

I think I'm angry because I never realized back when I was in college that participating in the hook up culture was a prerequisite for having satisfying and fulfilling relationships later on in life.

 

Not hooking up means missing out on a vital learning experience. About sex, about yourself, about interpersonal relationships, messiness and all of that. If you miss out, it's going to make dating harder as you get older.

[ThaWholigan]

From my experience, the only people who really have a problem with "hookup culture" are

 

1.Young Men who are angry because they're not participating nor enjoying the benefits of it while there male peers are.

2. Women who Are upset that they can't get relationships because the men they're interested in Are sleeping with women NSA and don't see the benefit of actually Getting tied down.

3. Conservatives/ extreme Religious types

This is highly accurate.

 

I have no problem with the hookup culture - its just "not my cuppa" as Carhill put it. I think it works for people who are attuned to that lifestyle, but not everybody is - which is why I don't think its a good idea for people to conform to it if its not their thing. Exploring and finding out - sure. But don't delude yourself into thinking you like it.

 

I never got involved until last year - late by most standards . Its fun. But still, I yearn for more.

[Els]

I think I'm angry because I never realized back when I was in college that participating in the hook up culture was a prerequisite for having satisfying and fulfilling relationships later on in life.

 

Not hooking up means missing out on a vital learning experience. About sex, about yourself, about interpersonal relationships, messiness and all of that. If you miss out, it's going to make dating harder as you get older.

 

Not necessarily. There are women who genuinely prefer men who haven't been around the entire campus, if you catch my drift. I'm sorry you haven't met one yet, but I hope you will.

[Emilia]

Not necessarily. There are women who genuinely prefer men who haven't been around the entire campus, if you catch my drift. I'm sorry you haven't met one yet, but I hope you will.

I must admit this is true.

[fortyninethousand322]

Not necessarily. There are women who genuinely prefer men who haven't been around the entire campus, if you catch my drift. I'm sorry you haven't met one yet, but I hope you will.

 

I don't necessarily mean hooking up all the time. I mean you hook up a couple of times, have a FWB, etc., learn from that.

 

If you've never had the experience of hooking up ever, you really handicap yourself dating wise.

[Els]

I don't necessarily mean hooking up all the time. I mean you hook up a couple of times, have a FWB, etc., learn from that.

 

If you've never had the experience of hooking up ever, you really handicap yourself dating wise.

 

Nah, every guy I've been with has never had casual sex. Not interested in a romantic R with men who have indulged in it. Not a morality judgment, simply a compatibility issue.

[fortyninethousand322]

Nah, every guy I've been with has never had casual sex. Not interested in a romantic R with men who have indulged in it. Not a morality judgment, simply a compatibility issue.

 

You're also not in the US, correct?

 

The reality here is that far more women will overlook casual sex than will overlook inexperience. It's about playing the odds.

[Els]

You're also not in the US, correct?

 

The reality here is that far more women will overlook casual sex than will overlook inexperience. It's about playing the odds.

 

If you genuinely feel it's worth it to do something that doesn't naturally appeal to you, simply to get better odds, then I certainly am in no position to convince you otherwise.

[Emilia]

If you genuinely feel it's worth it to do something that doesn't naturally appeal to you, simply to get better odds, then I certainly am in no position to convince you otherwise.

Sometimes people need to get smacked in the face a couple of times before they realise. There is nothing you can say to them that will take that fact away. Hence my conversation with Hokie.

[Revolver]

I think I'm angry because I never realized back when I was in college that participating in the hook up culture was a prerequisite for having satisfying and fulfilling relationships later on in life.

 

Not hooking up means missing out on a vital learning experience. About sex, about yourself, about interpersonal relationships, messiness and all of that. If you miss out, it's going to make dating harder as you get older.

 

I agree, I lost my virginity at 20 but i would be lying to you if I said it didnt suck when most of my friends/peers were having sex and I wasnt. And it's not even just the act of sex not happening that was bad, its that you literally can't get away from sex because its everywhere. Our music,TV,Movies,news, etc

 

And like you've said earlier in this thread, your only 18,19,20 etc once. I think when you see some guys who are late bloomers who are acting like college kids for example it's basically those guys trying to make up for lost time. This is why many times you get the Whole "old guy in the club" scenerio;). But during this time their friends are usually settling down because they've been there done that already.

[Els]

Sometimes people need to get smacked in the face a couple of times before they realise. There is nothing you can say to them that will take that fact away. Hence my conversation with Hokie.

 

So very, very true.

 

I have no issues with people choosing to hook up; I do feel sad that some people feel they need to hook up just to keep up with the joneses.

[Emilia]

This is why many times you get the Whole "old guy in the club" scenerio;). But during this time their friends are usually settling down because they've been there done that already.

It's also habit. Couple of friends of mine have had sex with hundreds of girls. Not exaggerating. They can't really get out of the habit though.

[Emilia]

I do feel sad that some people feel they need to hook up just to keep up with the joneses.

It's nothing to feel sad about - speaking from experience - it's much more about curiosity. As long as you can psychologically handle something it's good to experiment.

 

I mean hooking up can be a lot of fun as it happens

[Els]

It's nothing to feel sad about - speaking from experience - it's much more about curiosity. As long as you can psychologically handle something it's good to experiment.

 

I mean hooking up can be a lot of fun as it happens

 

From reading 49k's posts, sounds to me like hooking up really isn't what he wants to do, if he felt he had a 'choice'. Hence my explanation that he really does have a choice.

 

If he's merely feeling curious, of course he should go for it.

[fortyninethousand322]

I agree, I lost my virginity at 20 but i would be lying to you if I said it didnt suck when most of my friends/peers were having sex and I wasnt. And it's not even just the act of sex not happening that was bad, its that you literally can't get away from sex because its everywhere. Our music,TV,Movies,news, etc

 

And like you've said earlier in this thread, your only 18,19,20 etc once. I think when you see some guys who are late bloomers who are acting like college kids for example it's basically those guys trying to make up for lost time. This is why many times you get the Whole "old guy in the club" scenerio;). But during this time their friends are usually settling down because they've been there done that already.

 

I agree with most of this. And I don't understand why I get so much flak for this.

 

Would I prefer not to hook up, favoring instead that sex be for committed relationships? Absolutely. I'd also prefer that when I was learning how to ride a bike that I didn't fall down and scrape my legs and elbows up. But it happens, and more than likely if you avoid it, you'll end up not learning at all.

 

Here in the US most people go through a hook up stage or have times in which they engage in casual sex. Mostly when young and in college. Lots of times it's painful, weird, awkward, messy, etc. But, it's a part of the learning experience.

 

I feel like if I had hooked up a couple of times (assuming anyone wanted to hook up with me) I'd be a lot more relaxed around women and be more at ease with who I am and all of that. People can disagree if they want, but I don't see any of them being the 25 year old kissless virgin. So, I highly doubt they've worn my shoes for a mile.

[Emilia]

Here in the US most people go through a hook up stage or have times in which they engage in casual sex. Mostly when young and in college. Lots of times it's painful, weird, awkward, messy, etc. But, it's a part of the learning experience.

I think it's mainly that they pick the wrong people. I know a lot of people in the UK (not that different from US culture I don't think in terms of sex, London being particuarly liberal) never had casual sex or certainly not out of choice in their younger years. I think a lot of young ones have no idea how to keep a relationship going.

[Els]

I'm really not foreseeing good things, especially considering that you're equating first time sex to scraping your legs and elbows. But really, if you feel you want to, then by all means go for it.